I was going to say all of this, but you've beat me to it!

But here's one final thing, OP. If and when you see the kid, just treat him/her like any other person. Best of luck.

This is a serious and complicated decision and I hope that things works out well for you and your spouse. I would suggest that you both get some legal, medical and emotional counseling before making a definite decision. I might also add religious counseling if that applies in your case. There are so many moral and ethical aspects to this that I would strongly suggest getting some professional counseling before doing/agreeing to do anything.

This is a very generous deed, indeed. However, I personally think the cons outweigh the pros and thus would not let my wife go through with it. (If I had a wife that it is... or even a girlfriend. )

I think your wife is in the right here.

Sure, biologically the kid will be linked to her, but she doesn't have to spend the time raising it, doesn't have to let it grow inside her for 9 months and deal with the associated unpleasantness that comes with that, and is helping friends out.

It sounds to me (based on the first post) like you're being selfish in the matter because she doesn't want to birth/raise another kid.

That said, marriage is a partnership, and you and your wife definitely need to talk about this as a couple. If she's not willing to, or you're not able to without getting upset, this might be a very hard spot to get past. Good luck, I hope a compromise can be reached that works for both of you.

thats the thing though, in the couples Situation they can't Adopt, as the Woman has a History with Cancer..

as soon as the Adoption Agency finds that out they will throw her file in the shredder, regardless if they would make good parents or not..


people with a history of such Conditions all most always can never adopt

This makes absolutely no sense in context of my post. Where in what I said about cheating, drugs and prostitution does equal choices and decisions for men and women come in? I'd appreciate you not twisting my words. Perhaps it is a debate for another thread, but it isn't a debate I was even bringing up or want to argue about.

@OP It isn't really an act of cheating though. Hell i'd compare it to donating blood or an organ.

I only read the first half of the thread, but I'm going to give some input anyways.

I find it really odd that you see the meaning of life being to reproduce. I think I have a good reason for my opinion.

To get meaning out of the process of natural selection and genetics is one thing. (It's wonderful to think about why we exist, and to be able to really answer our questions with the truth. Meaning can be taken from facts like that all human beings are cousins, however distant. Meaning can be taken from a sense of belonging we might derive from that fact that we are literally part of our planet, and the universe we live in. I take a lot of meaning from the astounding improbability of my existence and my luckiness to be alive.)
To actually place meaning on the process of genetics and natural selection itself is another thing entirely. Your genes have been selected solely in a way that allows you to best perpetuate them. But you yourself, the conscious experiencer of your life, are able to transcend that pseudo-meaning of life that motivates all other organisms to whom you are related, and can choose for yourself whatever meaning you would like. You have been given such an amazing opportunity by virtue of your incredibly complex nervous system to find your own meaning in the universe but you have focused in on a meaningless process of perpetual reproduction of digital code. Literally, copy, paste, shuffle. I think you are doing yourself a disservice.

'You' are your genes' way of making replicates of themselves. "The chicken is the egg's way of making more eggs." I think this is the most correct way of thinking about genetics and I personally can find no meaningful purpose here.

Just as a side note:

I'm unclear on whether your wife will be carrying this child or not. One's genome is important in the process of their 'creation' but it is not everything. A child developed in a different woman will not be the same child as its genetic clone developed in your wife. Environmental conditions are incredibly important. Notable differences would exist between two such genetically identical children. The child will not be the child that your wife would have had, if the child develops in a different woman.

One more thing:

If the egg is going to your wife's sister, then the child will only be barely more related to your wife than it will be to your sister in law. The child your sister in law would have had were she able is genetically very similar to the child who would come from your wife.

I donate sperm once every year. It gives people who can't have kids a chance to have them.

She wants to give an egg, an incredibly invasive procedure to help.

Its noble as all hell so dont stifle her, support her and get over yourself.