I'm level 81, have the Dragonborn DLC, and explored the various holds of Skyrim. No sign of him. I quick leveled by de-valuing my destruction skill level over and over again. I also have spawned quite a few ebony warriors before turning 81 for practice purposes. Now when I place another ebony warrior, he suddenly becomes essential probably because the quest is officially available and he is 'protected'. So how do I find him? Alternatively, is there a way to figure his refID so I could console the way there?

It's him who must find you first so that the quest starts.