The Forgotten

Post » Tue May 18, 2010 4:44 am

Hey this is probably going to be my first fanfic I actually continue on I have been inspired by some of the other sweet fan fictions and I thought I would take a break from just RPing I am still going to RP but I will focus allot of my time to this and I will try to put in a chapter every 1-2 days alright and here is just a little description, the year is 2277 somewhere west of the capital wasteland lays a small settlement known as Devil's Valley.

Chapter 1 - Drunk Blues

"Annnother rouuuund oh Whissskey my gooood pall" Johnathan slurred.

"Come on Johny don't ya think ya had enough" Billy asked.

"I I I I ain't had enough until I am passed out on the floor puking" Johnathan laughed.

"Well your going to end up dead if ya drink to much and I ain't cleaning up the mess so I say you've had enough now get out of my bar you stupid drunk and leave all yer caps" Billy ranted.

"No I I don't want to and you cannot make me" Johnathan yelled.

Johnathan left the bar without paying his tab but Billy did not care he knew he would be back tomorrow sober and he would have his caps. Johnathan stumbled across the ground trying to make an attempt just to get to his shack but he could hardly do that, he stumbled into a little girl and knocked her over.

"Hey you stupid drunk hick get out of my face" the girl squealed.

"You respect your older people who are older then you you younger person" John said back not making any sense.

"Your just like my daddy and I hate my daddy" the little girl said as she walked off.

John fell on the ground and started to puke a man then walked up to him.

"John, John, John when will you ever learn I told you to stop drinking you are going to kill yourselves one of these days I am serious" Ernest lectured him.
Ernest was Johnathan's brother they lived together in Devil's Valley ever since there parents died at age 17 ever since then Ernest was the responsible one and Johnathan drank away his sorrows he had been doing it for ten years and was probably going to be doing it for the rest of his life.

"Come on lets go home" Ernest said, he picked up John and had him on his shoulders in a fire man's carry he brought him to there small shack only big enough for one person but they managed. Ernest placed John on his bed on the left side of the room and Ernest walked to his bed and laid down awaiting the next day.
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Hannah Barnard
 
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Post » Tue May 18, 2010 3:14 pm

I like it, but some people might bicker about your grammar. I don't mind it, and it's still easy to read; but I'm just sayin' :shrug:
Anyway, please do continue with this :D
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RUby DIaz
 
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Post » Tue May 18, 2010 3:41 am

Thanks Comedian and the new chapter will be up to day I am just editing it right now
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Alada Vaginah
 
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Post » Tue May 18, 2010 9:08 am

This is good josh but the grammer does need something but who am i to juge =)
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Jeff Tingler
 
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Post » Tue May 18, 2010 12:22 pm

Chapter 2 - The Attack

"You have to stop this John stop it now" Ernest pleaded.

"NO ALRIGHT NO I HAVE NO LIFE ANY MORE NOT SINCE MOM AND DAD DIED" John yelled at him.

"John what is done is done I still miss them too but I did not throw my life away" Ernest said.

"NO ALRIGHT NO I HATE YOU" John yelled. He opened the door to the shack walked outside and slammed the door shut, people in the town looked at him.

"WHAT ARE YOU BIGOTS LOOKING AT" John yelled, he then started to walk to the bar a few seconds later he arrived he opened the door and looked at Billy "GIVE ME A GLASS OF WHISKEY NOW".

"What did you just say" Billy said with anger in his voice he grabbed his Double Barrel Shotgun and pointed it at John.

"YOU GET OUT OF MY BAR YOU DAMN DRUNK" Billy yelled.

"[censored] YOU" John yelled he kicked the bar door open and left as soon as he left the bar he felt a sharp pain in his stomach he looked down and saw a small hole with blood pouring out.

"Hey I got one ha ha" a person said.

John fell to the ground from the extreme amount of pain his vision went blurry but he was not done for yet he looked to the right of him which was were the entrance was he could see a whole army of Raiders attacking the town and he could do nothing all he could do is watch the people of this town die. He immediately realized his brother was in the shack John rolled over and saw his house he saw the door open. NO NO ERNEST GET BACK IN THE SHACK. John could not speak he tried but he was unable to he saw Ernest run across the town and then saw a Raider with a Sledge Hammer the Raider swung the Hammer and it hit Ernest's leg Ernest's leg broke and he collapsed to the ground. The same Raider lifted the Hammer again and swung it onto Ernest's head the impact from the Hammer smashed Ernest's head into a bunch of chunks, tears immediately poured from Johns eyes. Johns eyes then started to go blurry again and he passed out.
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Monique Cameron
 
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Post » Tue May 18, 2010 2:23 am

Well, the only problem I tend to see is that commas aren't used that much, and sentences tend to drag on. Other than that it seems okay.
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kasia
 
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Post » Tue May 18, 2010 9:58 am

I think, instead of using all caps when they yell, to just put an exclamation mark on the end.
My only real complaint is that these aren't long enough! I'm liking them, but too short to satisfy my needs :P
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JLG
 
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Post » Tue May 18, 2010 7:28 am

Thanks guys for the comments and advise!
Chapter 3 - Who am I

Johnathan awoke on the hard ground he looked around and saw nothing but blood stains everything that was in Devils Valley was gone. He stood up and had a sharp pain in his stomach he looked and saw a bullet hole and crusted blood he never knew how he got it he never even knew who he was. John wandered around what was once Devils Valley he found no signs of anything and then started to walk east, a few hours passed and he found a man who was sitting on a rock John walked up to him.

"Hey you got any water" The Man on the rock asked.

"No, but what is this place" John asked.

"This you do not know what this place is well it is none other then the richest settlement in the Wasteland Tenpenny Tower" The Man said.

"Tenpenny Tower how do you get in" John asked.

"You can't get in they do not let any Wasteland ruffian in there only the rich snobs" The Man answered.

"Oh well do you know anywhere that has a Doctor I have a bullet in my stomach" John said.

"Whoa what happened" The Man asked.

"I do not know I cannot remember" John said.

"Well your name is John just in case you do not know that" The Man said.

"How do you know that I do not even know that" John said puzzled.

"Um your name is engraved on your belt" The Man said.

"Oh that makes sense well do you know anywhere that has a doctor" Josh asked.

"Yeah but it is quite a ways its this place called Megaton it is to the West and then a little north" The Man said.

"Oh thank you how long approximately do you think it would take to get there" John asked.

"About four hours max" The Man said.

"Thank you good bye" John said.

John traveled off west, when John was sober he was very smart it was only when he was drunk that he was stupid. John continued along and was luckily not encountering anything but that luck was about to end. John could see a Raider up ahead as soon as he saw it he had a flash back all he could see was Devils Valley being attacked by these monsters this made John snap he sprinted towards the Raider and he was lucky that the Raider hat a bat not a gun. John continued his sprint and got to the Raider, the Raider immediately swung his bat at John but John caught the bat in the air and pulled it out of his hands, the Raider coward now that John had the bat and he was unarmed.

"Hey come on don't kill me I was only playing around man come on" The Raider said with fear in his voice.

"Coward!" John yelled he swung the bat and it smacked into the side of the Raiders head rendering him unconscious, John then stomped on the Raiders back and continued on at least now he had a weapon. Three hours passed and John found himself in an old neighbourhood known as Springvale John walked around the ruins of the town and he came across a destroyed house that had a person beside it he was saying something about Holly Water John ignored them and continued on to the sign that said "Megaton ->", a few minutes later John arrived at a giant metal fortress there was a robot, a water beggar a few dead ants and a caravanner all in front of it.

"Hey Roboto is this Megaton" John asked.

"Welcome to Megaton friendliest place in the wastes" Deputy Weld said.

"OK that answers my question" John said.

"Please stand clear of the gate" Deputy Weld said.

The gate raised and made a helluva noise while it did and soon John entered Megaton he could see many shacks that were similar to his he started to walk down to the center which looked to be housing a nuclear bomb. John was puzzled that people would actually build a town around a bomb but he did not care he would not be here for long or so he thought. John walked to the center and sat down on a stool in front of a shack.

"Welcome to the Brass Lantern how may I serve you" A woman asked.

"Um I am in no need of any service I am just resting" John replied.

"Oh well okay you do look pretty tired you should get some rest in the Common House I mean the beds are not that great but hey better then the cold hard ground" she replied.

"Thanks for the tip" John said, he got up from the stool and walked up the stairs and got to the Common House he entered it and saw many people he lied down a bed and shut his eyes he quickly fell asleep.
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Amanda Furtado
 
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Post » Tue May 18, 2010 9:01 am

Nice, liked it. Action is good in some stories :D
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alicia hillier
 
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Post » Tue May 18, 2010 3:38 am

Thank you! Next chapter will be pretty late tommorow
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DAVId MArtInez
 
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Post » Tue May 18, 2010 5:22 am

It would seem inspiration died on this one, but Josh has a new fan fiction - http://www.gamesas.com/bgsforums/index.php?showtopic=1046069.
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Julie Serebrekoff
 
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