Hi this is my first Fan Fiction..i dont want to give away anything much..but i will tell you that the first chapter may take up to a week as i have limited internet access

You should have waited until you had the first chapter before posting a thread. :facepalm: :facepalm:

Josh is correct...if you have the first chapter up in a week, I'll review it.

He's new, and he doesn't know, hop off his nuts..

I semi-agree. (s)he doesn't need to have the first chapter down, but just telling us (s)he'll be writing a story doesn't get me pumped up, (s)he could have givin us some backstory.

Ok ive got a quick backstory done...it doesnt give away much but you should be able to figure out what it means


The end of the world is upon us,
The survivors are fleeing for safety,
People are trying to blow down the vault doors,
Everybody is leaving Megaton,
A white line of smoke rises up into the air,
And then another ten,
But then, racing through the air comes an urban camouflage vertibird,
The Marines

I didnt think that I'd get this chapter done so quickly, but I've had a lot of spare time.. so here goes


CHAPTER 1

"Where are we going?" He asked the driver.
"To the airfield," The driver replied. They were in a Humvee. The airfield they were heading to was just east of the Ranger Compound. To get to the airfield on time, they had to blow up a a few walls, which included one which almost levelled the entire Ranger Compund.

Once they arrived at the airfield they all saw two Vertibird's waiting for them. A normal one, and an urban camouflaged one with a 36 barrel prototype under the nose. Once they were on the vertibird, the Sergeant Major told them that they were being sent to Milan, Italy to stop the chinese invasion.

They landed on the roof of an office building which was overlooking the town. The leader of this group was Lieutenant Bill Reckus. The 2ic (second in command) was Sergeant George Frisby. Once on the roof they noticed that the chinese were there, but they weren't moving. When the team got optics on them, they saw the chinese setting up mortars. Luckily, most of the civillians had ben evacuated, so no one could get hurt except the marines and the chinese.

The first mortar fire went over the building and detonated just short of the other wave. The second one smashed into a window on the 38th floor (there are 40 floors). Thanks to the deteriation of the supports, the building started to fall.



The bombs never fell in Milan, but the people were afraid that it would happen. So they built enough vaults for 3/4 of the population, the rest of the population left Milan and travelled North, North-East, towards China. But, even though the bombs never fell, with no people caring for the structures, they began to deteriorate thanks to radiation.



When the Mariness climbed over the back of the building and entered the 38th floor, the Chinese invaders began to enter the building.

It's alright, but Marines and Chinese invasion AFTER the Great War?

Some advice, DON'T make a story in the Capital Wasteland, and DON'T use pre-war military that wouldn't even exist anymore.

I think there's really nothing wrong with stories of the capital wastes, but I agree with ghoul about the military. I seriously doubt that people would form a military after the world has pretty much ended. How do they get a Humvee, by the way, I didn't think they would exist in the 50's(I may be wrong.) Also, with the fact that vehicles run on nuclear engines( or something like that.)I would have just come up with a new type of car. But I think vehicles don't fit in the fallout-world anyway, not that I'm against it. Also I don't like that 2ic, is that a military term? If not, I think it's pretty lazy writing that(you even wrote out after it.) It's also very short, more like a prologue then a chapter. Things are also happening very fast and there's hardly any detail to it. I mean, first where in the capital wasteland, then all of a sudden you learn that were going to italy as if you were no more then passing casual conversation. Also, how many people are there? Even if they formed a military I doubt there would be any large scale wars going on. And what's so important about Italy that we would fly over and defend it with our lives? If I was in a post-apocalyptic world, I wouldn't give a damn about another country. And as far as I know, buildings don't deteriorate from radiation, plenty of other stuff though.

I hope this doesn't turn you away from writing, I'm just trying to help, and if you need some I would gladly offer, but this needs a lot of work.