» Fri Jun 26, 2015 11:51 am BREAKING NEWS
Dragonsreach Phone Hacking Scandal
What began as an investigation by this one & after receiving a tip of from a reliable source, we will call her Hulda for the sake of keeping her identity secret out of fear of repercussions, ad losing her customer’s at the Bannered Mare.
This secret source has finally revealed the name of the person responsible for hacking Jarl Balgruuf the Greater phone.
We can now reveal that it was Nelkir the youngest son of Jarl Balgruuf the Greater that leaked photos & emails on Skyrim Leaks last Friday. When asked why he did it he replied “the lady behind the door told me to do it”
After listening to the voice mail messages of Jarl Balgruuf the investigation has now widened to include much more serious allegations including: photos of Proventus Avenicci, not being so Proventus with the kitchen staff
TOP STORY
The Vampiwolve's are Coming
WARNING Citizens of Skyrim
Whats are Vampiwolve's?... read on your life could depend on it!
Can Werewolves & Vampires have children? it has come to this ones attention of unconfirmed sitings of Vampiwolve's near Riften.
No witnesses could not give any description since it was pitch dark, all described the same abhorring, horrifying, terrifying HOWL!. One witness went as far as to say it was even scary!
Some One has to ask the important Question, Is it possible to live together with the Vampiwolve's?
Help Save Skyrim from a potential new Life Threatening Menace! call Crime Stoppers if you have any information.
HEALTH
Werewolves: You don’t have to feel like a lost little puppy!
After an extensive research of 2 years and with over 3millon werewolves participating in tests & working with their local practitioner’s we can finally reveal to you 5 easy steps you can take to make your life as a werewolf happy & fulfilling & avoid the long arm of the Law.
- By Law in most countries on Earth it is compulsory to get microchip, that way if you ever lose yourself, all you have to do is walk into your closest Vet & they will contact you to come and pick yourself up, small fee might apply.
- It is advised to use a leash on yourself, when you take yourself for walk to the park, also take some small plastic bags for when you want take a crap in the bush. It is advise to leave your self-tied up on a pole whilst you do your shopping, and if you leave yourself in the car please leave a widow slightly open for fresh air & so you don’t come back and find your beloved self-dead from the Heat.
- You will be arrested for urinating on poles with the excuse that you are marking your territory & it does not help chasing after the cop car as it is trying to leave!
- Make sure you get all your shots & flea treatments, rabies & frantic scratching is not a good way to socialize, especially if you’re looking for that special [censored] to bear your children.
- Our study shows that most common injuries to a werewolf are dislocated ankles, knees, and hips from trying to scratch that itch behind the ear, it is STRONGLY RECOMMENDED do not attempt in human form.
Next Week…………Vampire Special: Best blood type for you?
SOCIAL
MODS: A Sad & True Story
When this one was a teenager a year ago she had her little mother & daughter talk about....MODS
Did this one listen to a word she said? NO in one ear and out the other, this one was overwhelmed with MODS wanted them so bad (putting your mace in the freezer bad) So I did it! I gave my self away, first one MOD then two, soon too ever MOD that would come my way, it was ECSTASY. Its raining MODS Halleluiah *so wrong mummy* But then the problems came, MODS under the bed, in the closet, 6 or 7 MODS on the balcony, I was MOD happy, what next Followers, one, two....ten, who cares, I was so happy, I was in MOD Heaven.
The truth was I was a slave to MODS, I was getting drained, it was taking me longer to do things, I got slower, sluggish & I started lagging soon I could not keep up. That's when the real problems started, the crashing, at the beginning it was once a month, then it became two, before I new it I was crashing every day, to the point where I could not....did not want to go on.....
Luckily a girl friend suggested we get help, I took all my MODS to see a counselor called Dr BOSS changed his name to Dr LOOT i think, he put a sense of order back into my life...the crashing stopped but...........I was scared.....I was damaged goods.........
*mummy was right* So I went home and with the advice from mummy did a new instillation from scratch, the past is behind me now.
Now I'm seeing some very nice MODS, they do there best to make me feel special, still early days, who knows might be MR Right.
ENTERTAINMENT
Arrow in the Knee Day, Sunday 28th of June 2015
- A special 2 page lift out with the Who is Who of Skyrim
- Interviews with Jarls, Thanes & Houseclads
- The guards parade with representatives for the first time ever from all the City’s & Holds.
- Latest Fashion from around Skyrim: Armors & helmets from Solstheim
- The Arena: The best of Skyrim battle it out.
- Competition: Bribe a Guard…….1st prize; a free kill in any City
- Special guest: All the way from Morthal; Bard Lurburk, a good time to use that 1st prize.
SPORTS
Basketball SBA Semi-Final Playoffs
Thunder Cats Vs Giants 12-176
Giants leading 2-0 best of 5
Thalmor Wizards Vs The Blades: game was stopped at the third minuet of the game after violent episodes erupted between the players of both teams.
After 2 games the series remains 0-0
