I must say the concept of the story is interesting although the lack of description and the constant dialogue breaks the flow. I find it very hard to get into this story as a new paragraph is started almost after every sentance. More description helps makes sense of the story as I hardly know where the characters are; it can also help develop your character/s.

There's something I don't quite get. He goes to the Enclave, specifically to rat on the brotherhood's plan to attack, but then says "you will get no information from me" when he's being interrogated??

Hey there Aussie_made! You took the words right out of my mouth. As always Zalphon, your work is solid enough, but you lack the detail and flow necessary to create something worthwhile. Your structuring is also odd, as Aussie pointed out with your paragraphs. You need to make it longer. Perhaps not obscenely long like my writing tends to be, but at least three lines per paragraph.

The majority of your work appears to be dialogue. You need more than that to have a fic. Just fill in the blank spaces, and you'll do fine.

About Brotherhood Defenses, is what they want, but hes wanting to give them advice on how to conquer lyon's pride.

Zalphon requested close.