I was cleaning up my documents folder and came across this oldie, but goodie. I knew some here may enjoy these "pearls of wisdom"

1. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

2. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

3. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

4. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

5. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

6. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

7. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

8. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

9. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

10. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

PS: Add more to your liking!

gotta say, a couple of those made me giggle, i really needed that today haha

This reminds of the old skit from Saturday Night Live

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey quite often they were the best part of the show.

All the time.

Numbers 4 and 9 made me laugh a bit.

OMG! I loved those! I even had an AOL screenname based on him: DeepThoughts

#11- Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

I loved those!

Yes! I had a t-shirt with that on it

I also had a t-shirt with: "My mind is on vacation Nobody's Home. Please leave a message."

I worked at an "alternative" clothing store one Christmas season as seasonal help (stocking shelves, crowd management, etc.), and they had a wall of tees with funny sayings on them. One of my favorites (and I'm not really sure why I liked it so much) said "I hear voices... and they don't like you.". Good stuff!

Let it be known!!!!......if you step on corn flakes....you....are..a...CEREAL KILLER!!!!!

I actually laughed when I read this.

Well its all thanks to some dude on the 360 version of team fortress 2 who was kicking my and half my teams asses! I looked at his profile that had that saying it stuck with me all this time.

Nice, good call AlB funny stuff, I will just add my Irish prayer/curse even though it dont exactly fit cause it makes me smile (A little picture sorts of mine for the mantle if I had one of those)

"May those who love us, truly love us, and well those that don't love us, may god turn their hearts. An if he won't turn their hearts, well may he at least turn their ankles,so we will know them by their limping."

Also a big fan of the phrases

"Paddle, faster I hear banjo's"

An

"It's all fun and games, till the flying monkeys attack!"

Then it's just fun! Lol