This will be my first attempt at a TES fan-fiction.

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I walked through the door of an inn, somewhere in Vvanderfall. My name is Nonicus, and I am a bard. I remember scanning the crowd, and seeing the lousy crew that were regulars at the inn. But there were always new people. Like today, I noticed a few with guns. I never liked guns, far too troublesome (and costly) for me. But, as usual, when I walked up to the bar, I heard a voice say something, that said the same thing at least once a Month.

"Hey, Nonicus, tell us that story again. The one about your grandfather!" A Nords voice rang out through the small crowd of foul-smelling people.

"Again?" I said. I had told the same tale at least once or twice a month. For the past year.

"Yah, now do it!" He said. It was Flor'g Nose-Breaker, famous around the town for starting fights.

"Very well, very well." I said, pulling a table up and getting on top, "Gather round, people. And listen to the tale. The tale of my ancestor, the great Forgon!"


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Our story starts in a small village in the mainland of Morrowind. My grandfather was born to a very poor family, and his father was a coward. He left the day he was born. But his mother, she loved Forgon to peices. She used plenty of money for clothing, and toys for him. But, this came at a cost, as his father used to make a large part of the family income. So, his mother started working in the fields, and at the bar. They made enough money to scrap by, but they were still hungry plent of times.

The years went by, and Forgon began working too. He was a slop boy, for the dungeon, feeding prisoners there food. But in his free time he played near the river, with the other boys of the village. But one day, as he was playing, he heard music, coming from the nearby inn. This astounded him, as he rarley heard music. But the music that he heard was beautiful, the best he had ever heard. And that day, he swore that he would make music just as beautiful one day.

More time went by, and soon he was a young man. He quit working as a slop boy, and began working in the fields, saving up for a musical instrument. But, instead of playing in his free time, he practiced swordsmanship, as did most boys his age. He wasnt very fast in progress compared to others, but he learned the basic requirments for defense. Finally, once he had enough money, he bought himself a lute. He showed good progress, and had talent.Once he was a man, and had been alive for 20 years, he took his sword and lute and went out to seek adventure.

Little did he know what he would find.

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Constructive Critisism, Please.

Well, I liked it.
But the guns part I didn't.
I understand, ya know, advancing and what not but still.

Ah, but the main part of the story dosnt take place during the time guns were invented. I only put that in to specify how time had advanced so far in Tamerial. The main story about Forgon takes place a while back, a while before they were invented.

Huzzah, another RPer converting to fanfiction! :twirl:

This is way too short for me to give any useful feedback on. Obviously, you need to write more.

So far, you seem to have a pretty solid tone set throughout. The introduction section was good for situating the rest of the story temporally, as it identifies the narrator and his relationship with the main character. The summary of Forgon's childhood would not have worked without that introduction, since it was basically nothing but summary. However, because this has been explicitly revealed to be a story told in classic "around the campfire" style, the summary actually suits the tone splendidly. Just remember to be more detailed once the story actually kicks off, and you'll be set.

There are a couple instances where you tend to hit us over the head with obvious details... details that could be inserted more subtly. The line "It was Flor'g Nose-Breaker, famous around the town for starting fights," is one such thing... it's obvious from the "Nose-Breaker" nickname that Flor'g must get in fights of some kind. Do your best not to underestimate the reader's intelligence. :shrug:

My main complaint is with your mechanics. Your grammar and spelling leave quite a bit to be desired. Run your story through a spellcheck before posting ("peices" and "rarley" should not have been there), and read up on proper comma use. Your sentences are a bit choppy and awkward... the best thing I suggest for that is that you pick up a good book and start reading. The best way to brush up on mechanics, I feel, is to immerse yourself in your favorite story. When you know how it sounds to not have awkward sentences, you'll be able to teach yourself how to catch such things in your own work. It takes a while, but it's something to shoot for. :dance: