I would say any problems with your writing style have been well addressed, but there are some issues.

FIrst off, the progression of the story seems a bit hasty, with a lot occurring in what must be only a day or so. THe events that occur also strike me as something that would transpire over an extended period of time.

Example:when he meets the archcanon, I honestly don't think he'd have such an easy time waiving himself into the palace of Vivec and gaining immediate audience with the entire Tribunal.

Dialogue still feels a bit unnatural at certain points, and I'd recommend giving saying the lines out loud to see if they feel natural to you.

Otherwise, it is a good story, but it just feels like the character advances too quickly between major plot points, especially since said plot points seem like they'd occur over the course of say, a week.

Yes, that's why I posted a comment in reply.

Indeed, something I noticed with every story of yours is that you don't seem to edit your older posts. I know you might want to try starting new, but if you care about your story you should probably continously look back and change things. I for one really need to edit my stories more, due to the growth in my writing ability, and I am very certain you should do the same. Other than that, I think you have the tools to get much better.

Thanks though, and keep writing :goodjob:

I stopped myself a the first sentence..

How, HOW could you name the main character by yourself? It's your story and all, but.. Really??

Chillax. He's a novice at writing. Naming the protagonist after yourself isn't good. I know that, but Zal might not. Cut him some slack..

Guys, sorry but I don't have enough time to keep writing this fanfiction

It's okay. This has been a good thread for you where lots of advice has been given. I hope you take it in and use it when you write your next story.