"Ha," laughed the bar patron of the Red Diamond Inn.

The Bard said excitedly, "And thats how the story end."

The patrons of the bar cheered, and the bard grabbed something from his satchel, a small doll. The patrons stared in awe, as the bard pointed to the doll, "I have a story, of a young girl who followed her dreams, at dire cost though."

The Tavernkeep smiled, and an aged, red-haired, breton smiled. The bard began began casting his spell of illusion with the story telling...

Nekomi stared at her mother and sighed, "Mother, please, I want to join and fight off the treacherous scum called daedra."

"Nekomi, please, you're just a young girl," her mother reasoned.

"I am a young woman!"

"You are my daughter, and you will not fight the daedric army!"

An elderly imperial man shouted, "No, Nekomi, that would be a disgrace to our family, besides, you will marry a knight, you are my daughter and will not fight."

"I will fight, you'll see, I will show you all. I will not be some man's handmaiden," Nekomi screamed.

The man barked, "Go to your room, Nekomi..."

Nekomi stomped off with tears in her eyes, and the man said to the woman, "She has far too much of her father in her."

The woman replied, "Yes, she does, we can't keep her here forever."

"Yes we can, at least we can try."

"Perhaps, but she will most likely leave home for Cyrodiil, to join the legion."

"I pray you're wrong."

"I pray to the nine, the exact same thing.."

Oh good, you are doing another story! I love your stories because you make the reader feel like they are there seeing it all! Great writing!

Nice to see you writing again, Zalphon.

I can tell that you must have been working quite hard, because your ability to set the scene has improved a fair amount. However, I still feel there is too much dialogue and not time spent describing to paint us a picture. Look at some of the great fan fics out there and look how the writers describe their character's feelings and what's around them. Granted, you did express some feeling, but it was through dialogue too much.

To link with that, it was too short for an opening paragraph and the dialogue was always: She said, "..." and then he said, "...". With all due respect, that is too boring to read.

Anyway, except from a fewer awkward dialogue that doesn't feel real, some spelling, grammar and punctuation mistakes, there's not much more I can point out.

Thanks guys, and Chriso I will work on that.

Nekomi stomped up to the second floor of the house, tears running down her face wetting her blouse. As she walked she seen a painting of Talos and she thought, "I wish you could take me from this dirt-hole called Bravil."

She continued on the path to her room, a wolf-fur matress, covered by a wool blanket. The wooden boards holding the house together wreaked of cheap alcohol and skooma, courtesy of the previous owners. She looked at her dresser and seen a unique doll, of a young girl, in legionairre armor. Nekomi grabbed it and said to it, "I wish I could be like you, at least you are allowed to fight in the war."

The doll's small lips animated, shocking Nekomi as it said, "Perhaps, Child, perhaps, if you really want to fight, it can be arranged..."

Still-shocked Nekomi asked, "How?"

The Doll smiled and said, "Kiss the Lucky Lady and tell her how you wish you could leave for the military, she will do the rest."

Suddenly in thin air it vanished leaving behind only a note written in blood, "To join the war, one must make sacrafices, the Lucky Lady can do it for you."

She was startled at first, but then laid down, planning to wake before dawn to kiss the lucky lady and leave for the army. As she drifted asleep she seen a dream...

Her "father" shouted, "Please don't hurt her, take me instead."

The black-clothed man just chuckled maniacally as he impaled her "mother."

The husband of the now dead woman barked, "You dare hurt her, I will rip your heart out you bastard!"

The black-clothed man threw a knife in the face of the husband and ran away laughing as he watched the man die.

Nekomi awoke shocked, but it was before dawn, and she had to sneak out of the house to the Lucky Lady before her parents awoke...

OH, you left me hanging! This is great, so glad you are writing again!