Prologue

She was standing over a freshly killed body, blood dripping off a poorly crafted steel dagger. She looked down in awe at what had happened, this man was alive one second, and dead the next. All with a swift slash of a discount dagger across the neck. And for what, Skooma? Or was it greed that overwhelmed her? This matter was not important at the moment, all she focused on was running away. The Imperial City proved a maze to criminal, or in her case, peasants. The guard would have her locked away for his murder, and then she would be executed, most likely by the hands of an angry family member. The night proved a harsh place to be, when the moon comes, so do the horrors of the world. All she could do was run. She was now only a killer, anything else did not matter, she was now only a thief of life.

The cruel world shunned people like her. If you are born into poverty, you stay in poverty. Her parents were long dead, disease was their killer, their "Dagger". At the youngest age, she learned to steal, the only way to survive in a harsh land, such as this one. She cursed the Empire for not helping her family, or anyone's family, for that matter. The day the Empire helps people like her, is the the day she'll confess to the murder. But for now, it was about leaving the scene. She had no where to go. An Inn perhaps? Well, Inns cost Septims, which she didn't have. The only real home she ever had were the cold, hard streets. She found a small bedroll once, that day was a celebration to her. The comfort of one would have been nice, on this cold night. On night like this, she wondered how people act when they are alone, when their actions have no consequence.

She was the only one wandering around in the Market District at this hour, albeit some petty thieves. She could only open the many crates that littered the Market, looking for clothing. Why was she looking for clothing? Because she needed rest, and if that meant laying down on shirts and pants, that would have to do. At last she finally found enough to make a very crude bedding behind a shop. The only thing she knew how to do was improvise. The last thing she remembered before drifting of was a light snowfall. And then, darkness.

Her eyes slowly adjusted to a large, cloaked figure. As she scrambled to reach her dagger, the silhouette raised a hand and spoke.

"Be calm, child. I am not here to harm you, but give an offer." Is what his said, lowering his hand.

"Wh...what do you want?" She said, in a smooth Imperial voice.

"It is not what I want, but what the Night Mother wants..." He replied.

She remembered that name. She read of it in an old, crumpled Black Horse Courier she found on the streets. She read about the Dark Brotherhood, but more importantly, how they branched from the Morag Tong, from neighboring Morrowind.

"W...Well, what does she want." our frightened Imperial asked.

"My dear Valett, she would have you murder again, so you can be accepted into a new family" He responded.

"You mean...be a member of the...the Dark Brotherhood?" She asked again.

"Yes, my dear, a member of our prestigious group, do you accept the task I have lined out?"

"Y....Yes, wha- who shall you have me...k-kill?"

"Listen here, in Chorrol, there is man named Inwold Jean, he has crossed a powerful man, and is needed to be taken care of, please, kill him quietly."

He began to walk off, but stopped mid-way.

"Oh yes, If you do it, expect to see me again..."

He chuckled as he walked off, Valett chased after him, but he had vanished. She walked back to her clothing pile, which had a light snow cover on it. She swept it away, and sat on it. Her mind raced of what to do. She was going to kill this man, she needed somewhere to live, to belong. She made sure her dagger was safe where she had placed it, although, she only hid it again.

Her mind was set, tomorrow, would will kill another man.

The only thing I can see wrong is that you went from first person to third person and you have a few moments of redundancy.

The first line:

"She was standing over a freshly killed body..."

To say she was standing over a fresh body would give the reader the implication that said person was dead. A killed body is similar to saying hot fire. It's popular knowledge that fire is indeed hot.

Grammar and spelling are pretty good. Vocabulary is nice. You spaced your sentences out enough to prevent nausea. However, you finished the story with the type of ending where continuation would be hard to pull off. You have a decent ending here. This leaves your story relatively short however.

The story itself was entertaining. Not the typical hack and slash half-ass fanfic. Actually, if you hit the next installments in a certain direction I think you could pull off a continuation. You'd have to be careful not to drift off into overly cliche uber murder mode. Know what I mean? But this is good Shadowstrike. I'm still waiting for your intro post in The Unbecoming...

Edit: I forgot to go into detail about the last line of your fanfic.

You said:

"Her mind was set, tommorrow, she will kill another man."

It should've been:

"Her mind was set. Tommrrow she would kill another man."

It's important to watch both your punctuation and switching between first and thrid person whilst writing about the future actions your character will make. Don't stress it too much -- common mistake.

Great read! I'm curious to find out more, and that is a good sign!

Oh don't worry Dren, it won't be some murder-every-post deal, she isn't Jason Vorhees, and I'm pretty sure I can pull of a next post.

Well let's see an intro post. I've expanded my own but even Kikai hasn't posted yet. I'm guessing you guys are students or working. I get paid to inspect combat gear all day. haha. Not much of a job so I can post plenty. Sorry if I seem a little needy with this new rp/fanfic.

I was actually talking about this story.

Yea I know. And Kikai said she's/he's gotten pretty sick. That's why she/he hasn't posted yet.

Cargo Care

Mornings in the Imperial City were anything but quiet. The loud rabble of the people over their goods and stores could be deafening. So, with this, Valett awoke, cold, and drowsy. The one thing on her mind, The Dark Brotherhood, and their offer of a family. Her dagger was still in place, very cold to touch, as if it was brought down after a night in northern Skyrim. Dagger temperatures aside, she concentrated on one other thing, a way to make it to Chorrol. Chorrol was too far to walk, unless you had armor and weapons to fight the Highwaymen and various monster that hassle travelers. She wandered around the city, not asking for handouts, like she had done everyday before. Now, though, she would not ask, but rather quest. While searching around various boxes to find armor to make her own trip, she over heard a rather interesting conversation between the Imperial legion guards.

"Alright, I'm to release you of your post, head back" One said.

"No can do, duty isn't over. Ocato is stressing that guards watch over the ebony cargo heading to Chorrol. I'm heading to that Inn outside of town, where the loading is at." The other replied.

That could be her way, possibly. Raw Ebony was very heavy, her weight could easily pass as a shipment. The only problem was sneaking into a box, with the guard everywhere, it was nearly impossible. Nevertheless, she made her way to the Wawnet Inn. The fresh Cyrodiil air brushed against her face, it felt nice to be out of the City. She walked steadily down the steep way to the bridge that led to the Inn. The bridge itself was a walk, one that also was unpleasant. Walking barefoot on cobblestone was no fun thing to do, mind you. Wawnet Inn itself was a quaint place, though that was not her interest at the moment. Two horses were in-front of a large carriage, which was carved of wood, old wood. Boxes littered the road, all filled with Ebony. She figured that hiding in a box filled of it was not the greatest idea, so she figured that a box not filled with any would be better fitting. With hesitance, she grabbed the sides of a box and pulled. Nothing, too heavy. Instead, she went around to the other side and pushed, some movement.

She continued to push, until it was at the edge of Lake Rumare. She opened the box, and tipped it over to dump the Ebony. It splashed all over, and do to its weight, sunk quickly to the bottom. With less strength she pushed it back up on its opened end up, and pushed it back. She hopped in the box and settled on the Ebony, placing the cover on top. She waited there, for possibly two hour, opening the top to see, and of course, get some air. At last, she saw Imperial guards come by. They started to load up the boxes until they got to hers.

"By Azura! this box must be filled with Ebony, its much heavier than the others. Men, come help." A guard said.

This made Valett slightly angry, as the guard complained of her weight. The trip wasn't fun. It lasted for many hours, possibly all night. She couldn't tell, as she had fallen asleep many times. Finally, she could feel the carriage stop, and the guards unload the boxes. She grew very nervous of this, they could easily open the box and see her, stored away. She peered out of the box, noticing the guard were away. Slowly, and quietly, she opened the top. She was just out when a guard noticed her.

"Hey, what are you doing! Those aren't for you, get outta here, peasant!" He yelled.

Valett, only had her hands on the cover, which must have made the guard suspect she planed on stealing, not hiding in a box. Finally she had reached Chorrol, and finally, she had a new use for her poorly made Dagger: Inwold Jean.
---------------------------------------
I would like to see some critiques.