a fallout poem

Post » Sun Nov 14, 2010 7:02 pm

Can you hear it?
It draws near
can you feel it?
it will fill your heart with fear
A world that has died
a race that lives on
huddled in the wastelands
that once so many called home
War never changes
is what every one says
War is ever lasting
that's what i fear and dread
travel the wastelands
of this broken old world
and my dear friend
such horrors you will behold
gun strapped to your back
hat hung over your brow
your legend awaits
Win it
or lay low in the ground.
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dell
 
Posts: 3452
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2007 2:58 am

Post » Sun Nov 14, 2010 11:14 pm

Sweet! Hardly anyone tries poetry, yours seems nicely written. But wouldn't it read nicer if you separated into stanzas? It looked like you did this already by using capitalization to show a new stanza, but I think it would look better like this:

Can you hear it?
It draws near
Can you feel it?
It will fill your heart with fear

A world that has died
A race that lives on
Huddled in the wastelands
That once so many called home

War never changes
Is what every one says
War is ever lasting
That's what I fear and dread

Travel the wastelands
Of this broken old world
And my dear friend
Such horrors you will behold

Gun strapped to your back
Hat hung over your brow
Your legend awaits
Win it
Or lay low in the ground.

I personally think it would look better like this, but I'm certainly no poetry expert. Either way I'm fine, and can we expect more?
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Adam
 
Posts: 3446
Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:56 pm

Post » Sun Nov 14, 2010 7:54 pm

Caiadin this was really good! I actually hate poetry, I seriously can't stress the word HATE enough, but your poem is was really awesome! Well done mate :)
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Alexandra Louise Taylor
 
Posts: 3449
Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 1:48 pm


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