Fascinating and enthralling, more direct and yet more descriptive than my writing, like a fan-fic should be. Couple spelling errors, negligible. Personally, the amount of head shots kind of bugs me, but that's only because as a hunter and history nerd I know it's always easier to go for center of mass, but that doesn't mean its still not cool. Again speaking as an ignorant, nitpicking, detail freak, shotguns don't fire actually fire bullets. The round is referred to as a shell and the actual projectiles are a "wad" of "pellets" unless it fires a solid slug which is pretty much a bullet. It's really a shape thing and I'm probably the only one that cares.

Thank you very much grandobsidian, I don't mind the nitpicking, I like it. I realize how much easier it is to go for the center of mass, I just want to show how good of a marksman he is. You know make he seem stronger/better than average person. It's kinda of hard to phrase, but I have those head shots there on purpose. As for the shotgun, I apologize for my blunder, I tired changing it to make it better, but if you have a better way to phrase it, then please tell me.

And could you please point out those couple spelling/grammar errors. No matter how small it is, I would like to have it fixed. So if you find some could you please tell me via post or PM. And once again I thank you for comment. You know what's funny I was looking around at other fanfics before I made this one, and yours was one that inspired me. So thank you.

I wanted to post without quoting, so I hope I'm doing this right. This is good stuff. I'm not the greatest writer, so its difficult for me to critique with accuracy.
What I Liked
I'm curious about Kayne's experience. I want to know who Mr. Garrez is and whats going to happen. That means something when it comes to fan- fic. So much of it gets bogged down with detail, it becomes a chore to read. This doesn't. It moves a pretty good clip and I like that.
What I Didn't
My only complaint would be that some, not all,dialogue is a little forced. I think of great dialogue writers, like Tarantino, who are capable of revealing so much of the story with just a few words. This is the hardest thing to do. This is just my opinion, and it certainly won't keep me from reading more. So, Yttrium, please keep at it. I hope this was helpful.

Thanks Spittoonist, I like it when people write what they like, but I love it when people write what they don't. I know this story isn't perfect, far from it, and I like to know how to improve it, but I need other people to help me. So if you or anyone else finds something they don't like, please for the loved of god, point it out. As for the dialogue, I've never been good with words and find writing dialogue really hard and end up trying to keep words out as much as possible. I'll try my best to improve it though, thanks for your help.

I don't know about you but when I write if I listen to music that helps me out but it depends on the music. If it's inspiration you seek I would at least listen to these songs and see what you come up with bad company by five finger death punch and walk away from the sun by Seether and finally your decision by Alice in chains. Keep up the good work sometimes writing can be tough epically with no guide lines

o and the only thing that I didn't like was the fact that he lost his .44 magnum revolver i kind of pictured it with a black barrel and chrome at the beginning of the ledge of where the loader was kind of the barrel of this

http://www.collectors-badges.com/images/Arms/44magnum.jpg

with the chrome/stainless steel of loader of this one but the one I was thinking of has engravings on it like the gun itself was fabled

http://home.earthlink.net/~sharps50/ruger-ss-superredhawk-44mag.jpg

(for any gun nuts out there forgive my lack of actual names for the parts of the gun that I'm trying to describe)

but that's just my .02

all in all keep up the good work I saw you wrote the eighth chapter and it made my day

Your writing is inspiring , it has a sense of reality. The chase 'scene' with the ferals in the tunnel was made to feel asif you could actually sense the breath of the ghouls down your neck. Amazing writing, please keep going!!

Thanks j-man, your comments make my day. And personally I prefer Never Enough, White Knuckles, and Stranger than Fiction by Five Finger Death Punch. I like their first album better than the second. Gasoline, Truth, and Fake It is what I listen too for Seether, but honestly I think they sound too much like Nickleback. I'll try giving Alice in Chains another shot. Anyway, thanks for the tip, but it's not really inspiration I'm lacking. I'm just trying to get all the words on to the paper, I already know how this going to end and all. Plus I type like ten words per minute.

I was going to have him keep the magnum, for I was fond of it also, but I realized how it wouldn't make sense, so it had to go. Though maybe he'll get it back...

@Doodmaken : Thanks, that's my least favorite chapter and I didn't think it was that descriptive, but thank you none the less. If it's really inspiring why don't you try to write something, I would support you all the way.

I've been quite busy recently but chapter nine is on the way.

Wow, that's alot to read. It's not too bad, though, I'll be sure to come back soon.

who is guitar man? i didnt catch that

Because I haven't told you yet.

I thought i would give these Fan-fics a read, as I'm new to this forum. (i just registered to reply to this particular one). This was the first one I have read and the first paragraph captivated me. I've read the whole 8 chapters. The first 3 were my favorites, this was due to the immense detail and imagery. The most recent chapters however seem very "rushed". Like if you lost your train of thought or something. Star wars deja vu? This rushed habit you have developed is my major criticism. Despite this, i think I have a new addiction to compliment my Fallout 3.... "The rarest color" Keep up the wonderful story =D