this is a story I have been thinking about making while roleplaying.

this is based on the game and will give spoilers so dont read if you dont like spoilers



His name is Kratos, he is a young imperial. he was just a beggar, living on the street. he found a dagger and started a career of mugging people that dare walk the back alleys in the imperial city at night. one day he started thinking about not just threatening the persons life, but to take it. and that night he started sneaking around the back allys when a elf started down the ally, he jumped out of the shadows and stabbed the elf over and over and over again and took the elves septims and ran. he went to his home in the waterfront, (the abandoned house) he stared at his bloody knife and small pile of septims. he went to sleep on his bedroll dreaming about his kill and then he felt the air get colder and he felt a hand touch him on the shoulder, startled, he stood up and there was a man clothed in black robes and he spoke to him, the man gave him a offer to take up a life of murder or to go back to his life on the streets, he took it. he was told to go the a inn in the middle of the wilderness and kill a man. he went to the inn and started asking around and he found out that the man lived downstairs, he went downstairs to find a man sleeping, he walked silently to the man and plunged his knife in his neck, after a short struggle the man went limp and kratos left the inn and headed back to his home. that night the robed man came back to his house and welcomed him to the dark brotherhood.

this is chapter 1 there will be lots more so stay tuned.

... Welcome to the forum Have a fishy stick!

Regardless, I think you know as well as we do that your writing is going to need some work Don't worry, you'll get there if you keep trying.

There are so many things that I could say, but I'll try and go with only a few for now.

First thing: one of the cardinal rules of writing is "Show, don't tell". Your story, unfortunately, is an extreme example of telling. You simply say that one night he wanted to murder someone. Why not show that scene to us? Tell us details about each character, what is going on, what the protagonist is thinking, etc. No offense, but no one wants to read a summary. Books thrive on colorful descriptions, full and developed characters, and interesting plots. The easiest thing to work on is the descriptions, by far. You must have a mental image of what the scene would look like, so paint it for us in your words. Have fun with it!

Next, plot is something every good story needs: I hate to say it, but everyone knows what is going to happen :shrug: Original stories are much much more interesting than something we already have played. There are so many things to write about in Tamriel! Between the beautiful history and lore and huge world, the amazing number of factions and wars, and the outstanding detail the games have given us, you have to have some original ideas about Tes! The Dark Brotherhood is always fun to write about, but don't do the Oblivion quest. I myself am actually writing about the young Lucien Lachance, a perfect example of an original idea that is not hard to think about (well, kind of). Once again, have fun with it!

Next, I have to say something about your grammar Good grammar is a must when writing stories here. At least capitalize the beginning of your sentences. It might not seem important, but it leaves a much better impression and makes people want to read more.

There are other things to say, but I'll let you figure some of it out Just keep writing, and read a lot of your favorite stories. Take examples from those and other stories here, and you'll do great! Thanks for writing, and keep it up :goodjob:

The grammar thing is very important after all.

Try not to just speed through so dull like. It seemed like you ran through it.

Stop, and describe things, have more detail. Detail is the key. You also may want to make your chapters longer.

I'm sorry, but I can't handle the main character's name being 'Kratos'. I stopped reading the second I saw it.

Kratos sounds like the Greek mythic Titan gods...sorta...

Capitalize.

Try to structure your sentences well.

Don't write it like a grocery store shopping list.

Add more detail, and describe things.

There. It will take practice bud.

Welcome to the forums, friend!

I do not wish to dampen your spirits, but we are a cruel bunch of critiques. We can only guess that our dark heart beats in our hollow selves... and for this reason, we are very tough to please!

We do not impose such ridiculous demands on a newcomer, but we do invite him to include depth, plot, and grammar in his stories. As Darkom mentions above, you need to 'Show, not tell.' I, myself, found this task hard to accomplish; but do not fret! You will soon learn the dark art of writing.

What does your character see, taste, smell, feel?
Why did your character kill the poor elf?
Where did your character come from, what race is he; was he a beggar all his life?

I bid thee good luck, friend, on these forums.