My new characters awesome story

Post » Wed Dec 15, 2010 10:31 am

DISCLAIMER: This story will ignore all lore, dont argue it with me, just read it and enjoy it.



So this is the story of my new character:



First, the background story to his race:

Long ago, the Green Men walked Cyrodiil and Tamriel freely. They respected and understood nature to its fullest, and only ever took what was needed, after blessing the source of course. No true cities were ever established, save for one: Falinesti, the Walking City. Unbeknown to the people of Tamriel, the Akaviri's primitive tribal ancestors, the Mah-ri-tee, invaded Falinesti ages before the Empire was even a thought. After a few small coastal skirmishes, during which the Green Men used their knowledge of nature to destroy several Mah-ri-tee ships, Falinesti was bombarded and captured.

The mix of Mah-ri-tee and Green Men resulted in what are now called Bosmer, or Wood Elves. The Mah-ri-tee left after sacking most of what is now Valenwood, and spread news of their adventures to the other tribes, resulting in many wars over the Mah-ri-tee's new treasures. Ages later the Akaviri would invade Tamriel again, under different results.

The Green Men dispersed; the once great and only people of Tamriel became rogues and lost all ties to anyone outside of their families. When the Ayleids invaded, the Green Men were forced to spread out even more, even deep into the Black Marsh and back into their Homeland, the Bosmer kingdom of Valenwood. Once they reached Valenwood, several large-scale and bloody conflicts took place due to arguments over the use of wood and fruits. On one side, the Bosmer extremists, taking too seriously the Green Men's own rules about resources.

After over 30 years of brutal ambushes, sackings, and battles, the Green Men finally decided to leave. The Bosmer were starting to become more and more militarily akin to the Green Men. They stopped organized assaults and began to take to the trees and bushes, waiting to ambush the masters of ambushes. Thus the Green Men set out into the Forests of Cyrodiil once again.

Now, after over 7 ages of seclusion and hiding, nearly twice that of the Empire of itself, the Green Men have a new hero. Alduin Gretsaal, the "Great River", has blessed the Green Men with a child of great power. This child, Aldurin Patre, will lead the Green Men into rebellion against the oppressive Empire. 1 Soldier at a time.





And now, Aldurin Patre's story until now:

Aldurin lived his childhood life as all Green Men, a hunter. His father taught him everything. The arts of illusion, of evasion, of marksmanship, of a blade, and how to chase his game. Living in rapidly shrinking woods meant that Aldurin had many close encounters with nearby villagers and guards, until finally it all came to a head.

He was out hunting one day, when he spotted a majestic deer. The most beautiful deer he had ever seen, in fact. He could not bear seeing such a magnificent creature die, and he let it go. As he looked to his right, he noticed a band of robbers walking down a pathway, hunters they seemed like. When he saw one eyeballing the deer and readying an arrow, he had to act. He fired, killing the villager and spooking the deer. Little did he know of the Guards behind the robbers, who promptly gave chase.

After eluding them for 4 days, he finally ran out of forest to run in. He set up camp 200 feet from a large tree, and waited.

As the guards (now swelled from 2 to 6) approached his camp, he lay waiting in the tree. They walked right into his trap. As the first guard's horse stepped between two trees, giant spikes fell, crushing the guard and his horse. The second came, falling into a pit of mountain lions, screaming as his flesh was ripped to pieces. Aldurin could hear someone coming, though the guards could not. In the distance, he saw his father running to help. He immediately loosed his arrow into the throat of another guard, and they saw his location. His father jumped onto another guard from behind, as the last standing ran for help. An Imperial patrol passing by had heard the screams and were coming already. Aldurin's father saved his son by letting himself be arrested, saying there was no other.

After a month, Aldurin found his way to the castle in which his father was held. In a brave attempt at rescue, he climbed the walls of the keep, dodging several guards and strangling several others. He made ready, and swung a hook on the top of the paraqet, lowering himself down the walls until he reached the window leading to the dungeon. As the beggar outside promised, it was unlocked.

He swung into it, and darted into the dungeon. Stabbing several other guards, he finally had found his father. "Don't worry father, I am here to rescue you! We must not tarrry! Run!". They climbed back up the wall, as the alarm was raised and bodies found. Arrows pelted the walls as they climbed, until they reached the top. "Come father, we are almost out. Follow me!". They ran to the nearest tower, and descended immediately.

As they ran from the castle, the city gates were waiting for them, open. They took the two horses there and began to ride, when suddenly his father made a gurgling noise and fell. An arrow had gone through his throat, and he fell off his horse, clutching his neck. Aldurin paused just long enough to be taken prisoner himself by Imperial guards.

Now he is in the Imperial Prison, ready to avenge his father, and his people.




So what do you guys think?
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Tiff Clark
 
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Post » Wed Dec 15, 2010 1:57 pm

Let's run this in TES Artwork and Fan Fiction, where it belongs.

No bumping on this forum. Bumping will get your thread locked.
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Robert Jackson
 
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Post » Wed Dec 15, 2010 1:28 am

Two things;

There's nothing to criticise in your writing style, so good job there.

On the lore...hmm. Two things in particular strike me. One;
We know exactly how Bosmer came about - they are of Aldmer stock, as are Ayleids, who did not 'invade', as such...I'll let the 3rd PGE speak:
"The Aldmer changed over time culturally according to their new environments, being at first temperamentally and then physically very distinct "races" separate from one another. The ones who stayed in Summerset became known as the Altmer; in Valenwood, Bosmer; in Morrowind, Chimer and Dwemer; in Cyrodiil, Ayleid; and in High Rock, a mix between Nedic and Aldmer birthed the Bretons. "

Second; these 'Green Men' don't fit in with what we know of Tamriel before the Aldmer expansion (are you thinking of Kothringi?), which happened very early on, in the Merethic (the book 'Before the Ages of Man states that before the Aldmer arrived: "During the early Merethic Era, the aboriginal beastpeoples of Tamriel -- the ancestors of the Khajiit, Argonian, Orcish, and other beastfolk -- lived in preliterate communities throughout Tamriel."). You might want also to look up the origin of the mer and men races, from the Anuad;

"On the world of Nirn, all was chaos. The only survivors of the twelve worlds of Creation were the Ehlnofey and the Hist. The Ehlnofey are the ancestors of Mer and Men. The Hist are the trees of Argonia. Nirn originally was all land, with interspersed seas, but no oceans.

A large fragment of the Ehlnofey world landed on Nirn relatively intact, and the Ehlnofey living there were the ancestors of the Mer. These Ehlnofey fortified their borders from the chaos outside, hid their pocket of calm, and attempted to live on as before. Other Ehlnofey arrived on Nirn scattered amid the confused jumble of the shattered worlds, wandering and finding each other over the years.
...
Over many years, the Ehlnofey of Tamriel became the Mer (Elves):
The Dwemer (the Deep Ones, sometimes called Dwarves)
The Chimer (the Changed Ones, who later became the Dunmer)
The Dunmer (the Dark or Cursed Ones, the Dark Elves)
The Bosmer (the Green or Forest Ones, the Wood Elves)
The Altmer (The Elder or High Ones, the High Elves).

On the other continents, the Wandering Ehlnofey became the Men: the Nords of Atmora, the Redguards of Yokuda, and the Tsaesci of Akavir."

Total fiction and making up completely new stuff is fine by me, however going against the grain existing lore does take me somewhat out of it. A good write, though, I look forward to more. :goodjob:
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My blood
 
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Post » Wed Dec 15, 2010 10:02 am

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Carlitos Avila
 
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Post » Wed Dec 15, 2010 1:39 am

Part of the story incorporates the theme of Genesis; in other words "How did we get here?". As with Genesis, nobody can be sure of what actually happened, but the Green Men, or Viridisvir, have been on Nirn the longest. What if the Imperial historians are wrong about history up to when it was fully documented?

The Altmer/Aldmer are originated from the Green Men, however the magical nature of the Summerset Isles changed them when they left the mainland. They became the Altmer/Aldmer. The Bosmer I have explained, and the Dunmer were from a less-than-stated astronomical event, the fragmenting of Ehlnofey. This event caused a great piece of the world to fall off, and land where Morrowind is currently. The Dwemer happened to be long-extinct before this time, and their ruins stayed as you see them in Morrowind.

The Green Men eventually branched off, and the Aldmer and Vridisvir mixed and made the Bretons, and the Viridisvir who lived around Lake Rumare became the Imperials after adapting to the lifestyle. Orcs were an accident however.

One day a Green Man had decided to create his own race, a puppet race loyal to him. He took an Imperial and a baby Viridisvir, and threw them into a boiling cauldron. After they had melted into the mix sufficiently, he dumped it all into a pit. A week later, a giant green man arose, and screamed "ORSIM!!!!!!" and climbed up the pit. He murdered the Green Man, and left to spread his new race, the Orcs.

The Khajiits and Argonians were simply the product of evolution. what were once tigers and lions and lizards, became humanoid in all but physical appearance. We all know how the Nords and Redguards came to Tamriel.


The Viridisvir kept their history safe, sacred, and sealed with magical locks only they are powerful enough to open. This vault is hidden from sight to all but the Viridisvir, who possess the sight of Gods.




The point here is that those who are here first cannot be doubted; up until the Empire, no written histories were found pre-dating the Ayleids, who originated even before Morrowind came to be. The mix of Dwemer and Dunmer became the Ayleids, who were in a deep slumber in a certain Dwemer ruin until the fragmentation. Awakened by the sudden immense vibrations and movement, they began to move out, until they were ready to form up and attack Cyrodiil. After they attacked, Written History by the Empire begins.

This flies in the face of all established chronology, not just Imperial historians but matters of agreed upon historical record;
The origin of the Dunmer is well known - they followed the prophet Veloth out of Summerset and to Resdayn, becoming Chimer. The Dunmer did not (and could not) breed with Dwemer to create anything. For a kick-off, the Chimer hated the blasphemous Dwemer, and secondly, well:
"And on the fields, the Tribunal and their armies watched as the Dwemer turned into dust all around them as their stolen immortality was taken away.
...
Then Azura came forth anyway and cursed the Tribunal for their foul deeds. She told them that she would use her powers over dusk and dawn to make sure Nerevar would come back and make things right again. But the Tribunal laughed at her and said that soon they would be gods themselves and that the Chimer people would forget their old ways of worship. And Azura knew this would be true and that it would take a long time before her power might bring Nerevar back. "What you have done here today is foul beyond measure and you will grow to regret it, for the lives of gods are not what mortals think and matters that weigh only years to mortals weigh on gods forever." And so that they might know forever their wicked deeds Azura changed the Chimer into Dunmer, and their skin turned ashen and their eyes into fire. "Let this mark remind you of your true selves who, like ghouls, fed on the nobility, heroism, and trust of their king." "
- Nerevar at Red Mountain.

"On the world of Nirn, all was chaos. The only survivors of the twelve worlds of Creation were the Ehlnofey and the Hist."
- The Anuad. This was the first life on Nirn. All mortal life started on Tamriel.

The Khajiit themselves disagree on your story for their origin;
"And Azurah came to her and said, "Poor Nirni, stop your tears. Azurah makes for you a gift of a new people." And Nirni stopped weeping, and Azurah spoke the First Secret to the Moons and they parted and let Azurah pass. And Azurah took the forest people who were torn between man and beast, and she placed them in the best desserts and forests on Nirni. And Azurah in her wisdom made them of many shapes, one for every purpose. And Azurah named them Khajiit and told them her Second Secret and taught them the value of secrets. And Azurah left and spoke the Third Secret to the Lunar Lattice and bound the Khajiit to the Lattice, as is proper for Nirni's secret defenders. Then Azurah spoke the Third Secret again, and the Moons shone down on the marshes and their light became sugar."
- Words of Clan Mother Ahnissi to her Favored Daughter.

The origin of Orsimer; http://www.imperial-library.info/obbooks/true_nature_orcs.shtml

Bretons are mixed-blood mer and men (slave consorts);
"The Bretons, in ten generations of Elven intermingling and slavery, had become scarcely recognizable as humans. Indeed, the hunting party attacked them thinking they were some new strain of Aldmeri, halting their slaughter only when one of the oldest began to wail for his life, a shrieking plea that was spoken in broken Nordic. When word of this reached Windhelm, the Nords reasoned that the "Manmeri" beyond the Reach were, in fact, descended from human slaves taken during the Elven destruction of Saarthal."
- 1st Ed. PGE.
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Taylrea Teodor
 
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Post » Wed Dec 15, 2010 1:17 pm

This flies in the face of all established chronology, not just Imperial historians but matters of agreed upon historical record;
The origin of the Dunmer is well known - they followed the prophet Veloth out of Summerset and to Resdayn, becoming Chimer. The Dunmer did not (and could not) breed with Dwemer to create anything. For a kick-off, the Chimer hated the blasphemous Dwemer, and secondly, well:
"And on the fields, the Tribunal and their armies watched as the Dwemer turned into dust all around them as their stolen immortality was taken away.
...
Then Azura came forth anyway and cursed the Tribunal for their foul deeds. She told them that she would use her powers over dusk and dawn to make sure Nerevar would come back and make things right again. But the Tribunal laughed at her and said that soon they would be gods themselves and that the Chimer people would forget their old ways of worship. And Azura knew this would be true and that it would take a long time before her power might bring Nerevar back. "What you have done here today is foul beyond measure and you will grow to regret it, for the lives of gods are not what mortals think and matters that weigh only years to mortals weigh on gods forever." And so that they might know forever their wicked deeds Azura changed the Chimer into Dunmer, and their skin turned ashen and their eyes into fire. "Let this mark remind you of your true selves who, like ghouls, fed on the nobility, heroism, and trust of their king." "
- Nerevar at Red Mountain.

"On the world of Nirn, all was chaos. The only survivors of the twelve worlds of Creation were the Ehlnofey and the Hist."
- The Anuad. This was the first life on Nirn. All mortal life started on Tamriel.

The Khajiit themselves disagree on your story for their origin;
"And Azurah came to her and said, "Poor Nirni, stop your tears. Azurah makes for you a gift of a new people." And Nirni stopped weeping, and Azurah spoke the First Secret to the Moons and they parted and let Azurah pass. And Azurah took the forest people who were torn between man and beast, and she placed them in the best desserts and forests on Nirni. And Azurah in her wisdom made them of many shapes, one for every purpose. And Azurah named them Khajiit and told them her Second Secret and taught them the value of secrets. And Azurah left and spoke the Third Secret to the Lunar Lattice and bound the Khajiit to the Lattice, as is proper for Nirni's secret defenders. Then Azurah spoke the Third Secret again, and the Moons shone down on the marshes and their light became sugar."
- Words of Clan Mother Ahnissi to her Favored Daughter.

The origin of Orsimer; http://www.imperial-library.info/obbooks/true_nature_orcs.shtml

Bretons are mixed-blood mer and men (slave consorts);
"The Bretons, in ten generations of Elven intermingling and slavery, had become scarcely recognizable as humans. Indeed, the hunting party attacked them thinking they were some new strain of Aldmeri, halting their slaughter only when one of the oldest began to wail for his life, a shrieking plea that was spoken in broken Nordic. When word of this reached Windhelm, the Nords reasoned that the "Manmeri" beyond the Reach were, in fact, descended from human slaves taken during the Elven destruction of Saarthal."
- 1st Ed. PGE.



:( :cryvaultboy:
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Gracie Dugdale
 
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Post » Wed Dec 15, 2010 6:55 am

Dude, your shooting apart all lore,l so the lorehounds are going to take shots at you, and win, instead of arguing your point, just give a disclaimer in the top of the post saying "This story will ignore all lore, dont argue it with me, just read it and enjoy it."
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Camden Unglesbee
 
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Post » Wed Dec 15, 2010 2:52 am

thanks!
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Crystal Clear
 
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Post » Wed Dec 15, 2010 1:06 pm

Don't get too hung up on it. ;)
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naomi
 
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Post » Wed Dec 15, 2010 7:56 am

DISCLAIMER: This story will ignore all lore, dont argue it with me, just read it and enjoy it.


I stopped there. Unless it's a thread on discussing possible new lore, then stories that ignore lore are crap. It's like Tolkien writing:
Aragon the tossed Gimli into the air, and Gimli pulled out a massive bazooka, and shot all the orcs in Helms Deep and saved the day and got a lapdancer and got into pimping and got put in jail and got out and had a baby with Sauron.
See? It's usually crap.
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Cash n Class
 
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Post » Tue Dec 14, 2010 11:23 pm

Wow. Amazing how much attention this got compared to other writers. I've been seeing that pattern quite a lot here lately.

Otherwise, the only problem I had was with the lore in this story. But I can't really say anything.
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Rachyroo
 
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Post » Wed Dec 15, 2010 7:42 am

Otherwise, the only problem I had was with the lore in this story. But I can't really say anything.



POWNED!!!
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Amy Cooper
 
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