Rays of sunlight filtered through the murky grey obscuring the sky bending shadows and bathing the campsite in a eerie glow. She woke suddenly to the sound of clanking cans and pouring water. She peeled herself from the dust laden bag blinking furiously and yawning.

She nodded to her fellow raiders, it had been a few nights since they had made a move on her, castrating the last one seemed to have done the trick. She smelled the coppery blood congealed in the bottom of the tub, it was the last of the brahmin. One of them tossed it into the can of water with some unidentified brown objects which she didn't care to look at even when she was eating.

The four of them ate in silence with no sound exchanged between them except grinding gravel that always found it's way into the food. She reflected that she was glad to be one of the few that still had teeth.

They broke camp an hour later in search of another victim. They observed a likely candidate from a ridge above a valley he was a Vault Dweller in a blue jumpsuit, a defenseless worm with supplies he didn't deserve, he wouldn't be the first one from a vault they had killed. She cinched the straps on her armor and withdrew her baton, gripping the handle so hard she could count the grains digging into her palm. She nodded at her cohorts, and in unison they slithered down the ravine.

The Vault Dweller turned as they were upon him with blinding speed. A pistol in his hand, a blur of steel and death. He dropped the lead raider in his tracks with a hole in the forehead. They broke group and attacked from multiple angles in an attempt to overwhelm him.

The dance had begun. One of the larger raiders flailed madly with his knife attempting to frighten the Vault Dweller into another raider, but he was nimble and danced aside as a blade lanced through the space he had just occupied. In his hurry the vault dweller hit his heel on protruding piece rebar and thudded to the ground with a sickening smack. He fired wildly as they rushed upon him she hardly felt a bullet explode through her arm and she didn't slow her attack. The Vault Dweller kicked her in the chest thrusting her off her feet and she lay on the ground gasping for air while her two remaining companions continued their attack.

The Vault dwellers gun was now empty, he threw it heavy handed at the closest raider, catching him in the corner of the eye and shattering the small bone; before he took a blow, the Vault Dweller rolled to his side and regained his feet, recovering a baton from his belt. The screams of pain and anger reverberated through the canyon. The raider clutched his eye with one hand and gripped his knife in the other and charged. The Vault Dweller easily side stepped and delivered a quick blow to the raiders wrist, a crack and a pop preceded the raiders screams this time.

Before the Vault Dweller could turn the other raider bowled into him, taking them both to the ground. The Vault Dweller reversed the grip and snapped the raiders neck with ease. He regained his feet, blood beaded from small abrasions on his head and face. He walked calmly to the raider gripping his wrist and kicked the man on his back, he then knelt and recovered his pistol inserting a new magazine. The raiders grey matter shot out to cover the road.

He then walked over to her, the last raider sitting numbly shocked on the ground. The Vault Dweller raised his pistol to her head and gazed deep into pools her eyes. She could feel the warmth of the barrel and taste the chordite more than she could smell it. They gazed at each other for several moments and to her surprise the Vault Dweller turned and walked away, leaving her sitting on the sidewalk shaking in terror.

The Lone Wanderer continued his journey.

Nicely done. That's a great piece. The flow, description, I love it. Really I do. I can only spot one thing, I would change.

-Space the text out.

By that, I mean to put it in block/paragraphs to make it easier to read. It helps reading when your on a computer, otherwise people may end up straining their eyes, so most people would appreciate it if you spaced it out.

That it. All I can spot. Nothing big. Nice description, flow and grammar. There are a few word choices I wouldn't use, but nothing major. Keep Writing. Looking good.

Thanks, i'll change that now. That was high praise indeed!

It was a nice, had some errors, but liked the feel. People are more likely to write if they get praise, and I do want you to continue.



Since you capitalized it all the other times you should do it here too. Just caught that.

I just fixed that thanks, i don't really intend to write anything more, but i might. I actually wrote this because hulu was down and a i had half an hour to burn haha.

I really liked the idea of not using any names in this, i felt it added a dynamic and made them more relate-able because they could be anyone. I suppose it worked but it was more of an experiment.