(humor) Paladin Murphy's Rules of Combat

Post » Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:57 pm

Paladin Murphy's Rules of Combat:

1) If at first you don't succeed, use the gatling.
2) Never, ever forget, your weapon is 200 years old, and even back then, it was made by the lowest bidder.
3) Once you prime the ignition coil, Mr. Plasma Grenade is no longer your friend.
4) Getting to use the Squad Gatling means having to carry the Squad Gatling Ammo.
5) Gatling Lasers are also known as "bullet magnets", even a super mutant understands "shoot the one with the biggest gun first!"
6) Plasma works both ways. If you can see where it's going, they can see where it's coming from!
7) T45b still has weak spots, you are not a tank.
7b) Caveat: T51 doesn't... make them go first.
8) Recon duty is the most boring thing on earth, except for those moments of sheer terror.
9) The same model of laser flash tube that can be dropped down three flights of stairs in the bunker then loaded into the oldest gun in the range and fired perfectly will shatter the minute a super mutant takes a slegehammer to you.

10) No one in their right minds would take pot shots at 12 paladin in full battle dress just for fun. Unfortunately, thanks to Jet, moonshine and psycho, no raiders are in their right minds.
11) Professional mercs and trained soldiers are predictable. Sadly the wastelands are full of amateurs.
12) Until proven otherwise, assume every wastelander is armed, every brahmin trail is mined and every town is NCR.

-For the Brotherhood! Paladin Seraph.
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Roberta Obrien
 
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Post » Mon Feb 07, 2011 8:16 pm

((replies/comments/ect/ welcome. If you have more points to add please do it ICish as a Brotherhood paladin/scribe/ect. please.))
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victoria gillis
 
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Post » Tue Feb 08, 2011 12:11 am

lol....pretty much true
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Kelly Tomlinson
 
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Post » Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:30 pm

Ah really loves rule numbah two!!!
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Kim Bradley
 
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Post » Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:32 pm

rule eight QFT
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neil slattery
 
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Post » Tue Feb 08, 2011 6:45 am

You forgot this one:

#13: When the enemy is in range, so are you.
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Lauren Graves
 
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Post » Mon Feb 07, 2011 10:32 pm

[Scribe Roenthiemer's Rules of Maintaining Weapons:]




1.) If you don't know the last time your gun was cleaned... it's time to clean it again.

2.) Wear and Tear is to your firearm what cancer is to your body... ignoring the symptoms kills your weapon.

3.) Always bring extra parts. If your rifle requires four screws to hold itself together, pack ten.

4.) There are two kinds of weapons out there. Pre-war, and post-war. If you're using a pre-war weapon... always keep in mind precisely how much good it did the -last- poor bastard to wield it. These require EXTRA special maintenance.

5.) For every flawless operation, there will come a time where your gun jams... your stock cracks... your screws get stripped... and a live round gets trapped in the chamber. Knowing how to disassemble and reassemble your gun will mean the difference between life and death, so pay attention.

6.) Look around you. One out of every four of the men and women beside you will be dead, tomorrow, because of a poorly maintained firearm.

7.) If you forget the proper procedure for servicing your weapon, ask a Knight.

8.) Love your weapon, and it will love you back.

9.) Under no circumstances, ever, should the word 'whoops' leave your mouth.

10.) Lastly, always be aware of your ally's weapon's condition... as well as your own. If one of your brothers needs to service his gun, tell him. Better he be embarrassed now, than dead on the battlefield later.
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Avril Churchill
 
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Post » Tue Feb 08, 2011 1:38 am

Scribe Rowen on the Guide to Warfare...Wasteland style.

1.) Keep your friends close, and that Super Mutant Behemoth closer. Of course I mean that metaphorically as you'd most likely be dead before you got that close.

2.) All warfare is based on deception. I'll DECEIVE you that I have a Lincoln's Repeater...when in reality, all I have is just a Lever Action Rifle.

3.) Know yourself and know your enemy and you shall not fear the outcome of a thousand battles. Know the placement of all the unique weapons and you shall not fear the outcome of a trillion battles.

4.) He who knows when he can fight and when he cannot will be victorious. But if your the Lone Wanderer, you'll always be victorious

5.) If you are far from the enemy, make him believe you are near. Unless you're fighting a Behemoth. Make sure you are FAR.

6.) Invincibility lies in the defense; the possibility of victory in the attack. Invincibility also lies if you have the ability to reload the save or not.

7.) Opportunities multiply as they are seized. Unless you're a raider.

8.) Pretend inferiority and encourage his arrogance. Unless that arrogant man is Fawkes.

9.) Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat. If both strategy and tactics are missing, you'll end up like that dead raider over there.

10.) Lastly, The enlightened ruler is heedful, and the good general full of caution. Obviously President Eden and Colonel Autumn didn't follow that rule did they?
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Robert Devlin
 
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Post » Tue Feb 08, 2011 5:07 am

Here's a good general one:

Battles are won by tactics. Campaigns are decided by strategy. But good logistics is what wins wars. That paunchy, balding bean-counter with the BCD glasses who's never picked up a rifle since basic training is more important than you think. His job is to move things around: food, medical supplies, weapons, ammunition, fuel, and fresh troops and get them all where they're needed when they're needed. If he does his job, then you'll be sending well-rested, well-nourished, and well-equipped soldiers into battle against the enemy's tired, hungry, and poorly-equipped ones. If he doesn't do his job, it'll be the other way arounf. Either way, the outcome is inevitable
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Maddy Paul
 
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Post » Tue Feb 08, 2011 6:26 am

1.)War, war never changes!

2.) Try to look unimportant because the Raiders may be low on ammo.

3.) The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.

4.) One enclave soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.

5.) A clean (and dry) set of Power Armor is a magnet for mud and rain.

6.) Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

7.) Bring a gun.
7a.) Bring a big gun.
7b.) Bring all your friends with guns.

8.)mines are equal opportunity weapons.
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Lexy Dick
 
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Post » Mon Feb 07, 2011 6:32 pm

"Close" count in dancing, horse shoes, and bottlecap mines.


Everything else.. AIM IT!!!
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Ladymorphine
 
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Post » Tue Feb 08, 2011 12:08 am

Captain Taubisher's Code of War:


1.) "Without a spotter, the only difference between an expecting mother and an encroaching slaver at 115 yards is the aftermath. Never take the shot alone, unless you're damn sure you're ready to face the consequences should you miss."

2.) "Sometimes, these old machines don't quite work like you expect them to. If you don't know what it does... and you blow your ass up by randomly pressing buttons... you only have yourself to blame."

3.) "There are two ways to take down the enemy. The right way... and the way the brass wants you to. Don't ever forget when to do things the right way, and when to do things the 'approved' way... and you'll be fine.

4.) "There are three important lessons any great leader learns in war. The first, is when to advance. The second, is when to retreat. The last, is when to sacrifice yourself to save the lives of your men. You should -all- pray you die so well."

5.) "When you enlisted, ladies and gentlemen, we promised you a glorious future defending the honor of your nation! The only thing standing between you and that Medal of Commendation is an army of crazed, self-righteous monsters who masquerade around like the remnants of an ancient Empire. Their only goal is killing you, enslaving your family, and using the women for breeding-stock. So go out there and show them exactly what kind of barbarians we are. Let's remind them that Ancient Rome fell the first time, to heathens like us."
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Lizs
 
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Post » Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:43 pm

Officer Vargas's Guide on Proper Survival

1. Never approach a shadow without making sure you know who it is. It's just as likely to be a homicidal jet-head as it is your friend.

2. Food is never pretty, but life isn't either. Eating shouldn't be about who has the least radioactive soot on their Cram.

3. Vault Dweller's have major issues. Especially when you have a minor crush on the Overseer's daughter. Yeah, there ain't going to be any Citizen Award's for that.....

4. The Brotherhood is more diverse than an inbred chicken pen. They come clucking the same tune, but end up with a different egg each time.

5. Talking to a Talon Company Merc is like talking to a banker. Either you've got money or you've got market value in Paradise Falls.

6. Never EVER steal a teddybear. Mutant fetishists are never in short supply, especially the one's that are two stories high.

7. The Enclave isn't the easiest club to join. Their door is usually rigged with the end of a plasma rifle, but there are exceptions.

8. Don't barter with a Slaver unless you've got a bigger gun.

9. If you see a slave running away with his slave collar on, stay away. Abraxo cleaner is in short supply.

10. No, that isn't Yogi bear, it's called a Yao Guai. And no, it doesn't want your picknet basket, it wants your intestines.
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GabiiE Liiziiouz
 
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Post » Mon Feb 07, 2011 7:17 pm

Knight Sergeant Henri De La Croix's Tips for General Survival and Combat


1.) Feral dogs are not your friends, but they could be. Remember to bring lots of meat and your most commanding tone possible. A ten foot pole and rope doesn't hurt either.

2.) There is no shame in surrendering to an NCR patrol when you are outnumbered and outgunned. Never run, because if they have to come and get you, they're going to bring an ass-kicking with them.

3.) If the squirrel has three heads and is glowing green, it is not a good idea to eat it.

4.) It is safe to assume that anyone using a tire as armor and wearing a pair of human hands on their belt is a radier.

5.) Mr. Frag Grenade is nobody's friend after the pin is gone.

6.) Junkies are to be shot on sight. Its for their own good.

7.) Assume that every door has a rigged shotgun behind it.

8.) Ghouls are not zombies. A 12 gauge slug to the chest does the job just as well with less time aiming than a bullet to the brain.

9.) If you're really, really set on finding out what its like to plow a Ghoul, just remember your Rad-X...don't ask me how I know this.

10.) If at first you don't suceed, find a bigger gun.
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Dona BlackHeart
 
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Post » Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:37 am

Morpheus' Rules of Combat

1) If you see silver, shoot plasma, if you see green, shoot laser.

2) Just because you feel like a woman who's afraid, doens't mean you are.

3) Always carry a spare leather strap for your lip, if it breaks then your lip will be really weird for a while.

4) Aim for the eyes, if the eyes are blocked, the groin is the next best place.

5) If you're shot in the eyes and have severe blindness (as if there were any other kind), shoot wildly using burst-fire.

6) If you're using a mini-gun, you're in front so you don't use burst and kill the guy in front of you.

7) If you're using a rocket launcher, stand next to the mini-gunner.

8) If you see someone in a Vault 13 suit, run away! REPEAT: RUN AWAY!
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Cathrin Hummel
 
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Post » Tue Feb 08, 2011 4:27 am

Ranger Athos' Rules of Combat:

1. If they're bringing Paladins, we're bringing an Anti Materiel Rifle.

2. Always bring AP rounds.

3. Shoot the Paladin with the Gauss Rifle first, then the one with the Tri-Beam Laser, then the one with the Minigun, then the one with the Gatling Laser.

4. Let 1st Recon take down the Centurion, the Troopers should focus on the Recuits.

5. The Legion will kill themselves before surrendering; don't waste ammo if you don't need to.

6. When assaulting a Fiend hideout, never go alone.

7. If someone says that "Kai-sar" sent them, it's a Legion ambush.
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ShOrty
 
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Post » Tue Feb 08, 2011 12:24 am

The enemy is more than willing to die for his cause, as are you. But in the spirit of giving, help the other guy first.

Your weapon was made by the lowest commercial bidder. Baring that, it's frigging two hundred years old!

If you're not prepared to load your own rounds, be prepared to bash the other guy over his head with your rifle.

Bad ammo doesn't exist, only bad loads.

Every advantage comes with a disadvantage. That said, molly coating residue cakes the inside of a barrel like super glue.

The less said about tracers, the better.

If it's too big to destroy with mortar or bazooka, leave it alone. Best left to arty, armor or air force to justify their existence.

You are not superman. (this goes double for BoS troopers and Marines)

A svcking chest wound is Gods way of telling you to take it easy.

If the path looks well used, avoid it. If it looks like goats use it, go ahead. Goats don't lay IEDs.

The equipment you forget is the piece of kit that would've saved someone's life.

Winners in card and dice are losers on the field of battle. Lady luck only goes so far.

Smoke the first cigarette of a pack last. Never in the history of war has someone died while smoking the first cigarette of a pack.

three man smoking detail = one filled bodybag
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X(S.a.R.a.H)X
 
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