State of liberty

Post » Tue Mar 01, 2011 11:25 am

The State of Liberty or SOL for short is a major power in the ruins of what was once the pre-war city of New york.The organisation was formed in 2199 when a woman called alexandra santiago came to new york from a unknown place,what she saw freightend her as she had a safe upbringing in a closed of community,'all around her was death and destruction the locals were starving and were subjected to heavy taxes by the local gangs the reapers a skeleton mask wearing gang who enjoy killing who wear biker jackets and are led by a man named krull who apparentley murdered his father and skinned his fathers dead head and now wears his fathers skull as his face this horrible act is required of all who wish to be reapers they must not only kill someone for their skull but also a love one just to gain entry into the gang.The other major gang are the ''crawlers''
[sup]scavengers who once every 2 weeks come up from their metro station homes to raid settlements dduring the night for supplies and women or the ''lay things'' as they call them.And the the third major gang are cortans
a mafia like family who where lead by a guy called big all and harrashed locals for protection money from the other gangs,but often their word was not kept and the raiders would come and no cortans would come to the rescue.all thi horrified alexandra she never saw so much suffering in her entire life so she gathered all local tribes and local wastelanders they all gathered on the isle of liberty to sigh the ''liberty agreement pact''
in this pack the tribes and locals would be taught how to make weapons and fight the raiders much like ceaser of ceasars legion would teach the tribes to fight back many years lather but alexandra's rule was much more benoviolent than ceasars harsh dictatorship'.So alexandra became known as lady liberty of goddess liberty to the more supersitous locals, she drove the the raider clans back into the metros for many years they would fight among themselves becoming cannibals or eating mutated giant rats as they the Army of liberty blocked all the metro and sewer entrances with the rubble of the citys ruins.For once the people of the state were safe but that would soon change as alexandra was nearing death her daughter took over but her daughter did not care about the innocent locals and subjected harsh rule on them those who could not pay taxes where sent to work camps where they would eventually die of exhaustion,Alexandras other daughter zarah was locked away in the highest room of the ruins of the empire state building under guard day and night,but uunknown to her sister she was with child' this child was forseen in the local shaman nubitin; vision the mother had her child but died during child birth some kind soldiers took the baby to the shaman to be raised as the saviour of liberty so now the child has come of age and must bring down his evil aunt and take his rightful place as the king of new york''.

il leave it to you guys how the story ends.


the army of liberty is a huge army of reconditioned tribals and local wastelanders they wear liberty crowns made of scape metal and wear green cobat armour with an american falg wrapped armour their body they inspire justice and hope in all who see them.
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Logan Greenwood
 
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Post » Tue Mar 01, 2011 3:47 am

What!? No comment on a hard worked fan fic! Ridiculous, Yttrium is here to change that.

First let me start by saying I don even know if this a fanfic. Crazy, right? Well I I'm. But the way you have it structured makes it seem like it could go either a RP or Fanfic or Hybrid. You need to make it more clear. First break up the paragraphs.

The State of Liberty or SOL for short is a major power in the ruins of what was once the pre-war city of New york.The organization was formed in 2199 when a woman called Alexandra Santiago came to new york from a unknown place,what she saw freighted her as she had a safe upbringing in a closed of community,'all around her was death and destruction the locals were starving and were subjected to heavy taxes by the local gangs the reapers a skeleton mask wearing gang who enjoy killing who wear biker jackets and are led by a man named Krull who apparently murdered his father and skinned his fathers dead head and now wears his fathers skull as his face this horrible act is required of all who wish to be reapers they must not only kill someone for their skull but also a love one just to gain entry into the gang.The other major gang are the ''crawlers''

Scavengers who once every 2 weeks come up from their metro station homes to raid settlements during the night for supplies and women or the ''lay things'' as they call them.And the the third major gang are Cortans
a mafia like family who where lead by a guy called big all andharassed locals for protection money from the other gangs,but often their word was not kept and the raiders would come and no Cortans would come to the rescue.All the horrified Alexandra (I still don't get it) she never saw so much suffering in her entire life so she gathered all local tribes and local wastelanders they all gathered on the isle of liberty to sigh the ''Liberty Agreement Pact''

In this pack the tribes and locals would be taught how to make weapons and fight the raiders much like Caesar of Caesars legion would teach the tribes to fight back many years lather but Alexandra's rule was much more benevolent than Caesars harsh dictatorship'.So Alexandra became known as lady liberty of goddess liberty to the more superstitious locals, she drove the the raider clans back into the metros for many years they would fight among themselves becoming cannibals or eating mutated giant rats as they the Army of liberty blocked all the metro and sewer entrances with the rubble of the cities ruins.

For once the people of the state were safe but that would soon change as Alexandra was nearing death her daughter took over but her daughter did not care about the innocent locals and subjected harsh rule on them those who could not pay taxes where sent to work camps where they would eventually die of exhaustion,Alexandras other daughter Zarah was locked away in the highest room of the ruins of the empire state building under guard day and night,but unknown to her sister she was with child' this child was foreseen in the local shaman Nubitin; vision the mother had her child but died during child birth some kind soldiers took the baby to the shaman to be raised as the savior of liberty so now the child has come of age and must bring down his evil aunt and take his rightful place as the king of new york''.

I'll leave it to you guys how the story ends.


The army of liberty is a huge army of reconditioned tribals and local wastelanders they wear liberty crowns made of scape metal and wear green combat armour with an American flag wrapped armour their body they inspire justice and hope in all who see them.


First I broke up the paragraphs. Bold
Then I correct Spelling and Capitalization Errors. Italics.

Get MW or OO(MicroSoft Word or Open Office) and do a spell check it will save your life.

I'll continue to correct this but remember, Spelling and Spacing and you'll be alright :thumbsup:

Don't want to discourage, tis an interesting idea
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chirsty aggas
 
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