So I decided I'd give my hand at the Courier's story. After the shot it does change slightly. Some of you might think drastically but considering there is more than one ending how much does it differ that the beginning is a tad different? I hope this is good. It's not like te Weston Chronicles but I hope he doesn't have to be. I tried to get it to be a bit of a humorous light on the beginning. I hope this works...

Lightning
http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1152785-lightning/page__view__findpost__p__16880638
http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1152785-lightning/page__view__findpost__p__16880638


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Lightning

Episode 1
Till Death Do We Part...

Jak Lightning is on his knees in the sand of his soon to be grave. The dirt grinds against the knees off his pants. He realizes his hands are tied and mouth is gagged. While in the process of collecting himself he hears a scruffy voice, "You got what you were after, so pay up." Lightning tries to pry the rope together but to his dismay someone tied it very well. He feels for his knife but it too is gone.

He hears who must be the leader reply to the statement, "You're cryin' in the rain pally."

At the sound of this dry voice he looks up, "Guess who's wakin' up!" Jak looks up to see three men, one finishing a cigarette in a checkered suit. This man looks to be quite full of himself and must live a spoiled life. To the right of the checkered suit is a Great Khan holding a shovel, and to his left stands another Great Khan.

The checkered suit says, "Time to cash out."

The left Great Khan hurries him, "Would you get this over with."

The checkered man raises a finger to hush him and says, "Maybe Khan's kill people without lookin' 'em in the face, but I ain't no fink, dig?"

At this statement Lightning thinks to himself, 'Well at least there is a shred of honor in that filthy rich white collar trash body of his.'

Anger slowly begins to swell in the belly of Jak. The checkered suit speaks directly to Lightning while reaching into his jacket and pulling out a platinum casino chip, "You've made your last delivery kid." He puts the chip back into his jacket.'

Lightning, who is quickly becoming more upset, thinks to himself, 'Who is he calling kid? I look as old as him. Some would say older.' He watches as the checkered suit pulls out a shimmering pistol with a glowing woman on the grip. Jak thinks, 'I take back what I thought about honor.'

The checkered man continues his monologue, "From where your kneeling must seem like an 18 karat run of bad luck."

Jak is becoming frustrated as he continues to ponder "Checker's" monologue, 'Wow, he's monologuing. He really has no idea that the handgun he holds will end him... lord willing I live through this.'

The suit raises the weapon to Lightning's eye level and exclaims, "Truth is, the game was rigged from the start."

Time slows down for a moment as the checkered bastard pulls the trigger. Lightning's last thoughts are of his good lady, 'She's a good woman. What a time we had at our little house in this Mojave. I'm going to miss the sunset in her eyes. I remember those vows of ours like they were yesterday. Till death do we part... this IS BULL SHI-'

The bullet makes contact, and Lightning is down for the count. Blood trickles from Jak's new orifice. The Khans begin to bury the fink under the water tower of Goodsprings. Only two witnesses see this heinous act, the man in the moon and a securitron. Only one can actually do something about it.

When the three acquaintances clear, a cowboy securitron rolls onto the gravesite and begins to very slowly dig out the incapacitated Jak. Little tiny rock by little tiny rock he picks the grave apart and slowly but surely enough drags the limp body to the nearby doctor in town.

Lively One
The Courier is coming to, he wakes up to see an old balding man hovering over him. Looking down he sees that he is only bearing knickers. He cannot help but stammer, "Oh, am I dead, are you God? To be honest I'd thought you'd be a little more radiant. Also that it might not be so warm. Where is my clothing, or better yet, if this is heaven why am I clothed? I know when I was shot they had the decency to keep me clothed."

The balding man chuckles at this, "Hahaha, no no I'm not God. I do play him on the operating table though. Your clothing is safe and yes, warm. Trust me, this ain't heaven. How bout it, did I get your face right?"

He holds up a dusty old mirror and Jak takes a look. It's as flawless as it was before the shot, even better looking. His short chocolate brown hair sits atop his white boy Mojave bronzed head. There sits not a scar on his face, not even from the most recent bullet he received.

He acknowledges the doctor's handiwork, "Wow, you are quite the surgeon. Not even a scar, you're sure you are not an auto-doc?"

Mitchell laughs at the statement, "Hahaha, not quite. I'm Doc Mitchell, just retired Doc, and I help out when I can. For instance, you were barely hangin' on when ol' Victor dragged your carcass in here. So I patched you up best I could. From your response I did a fine job."

Lightning tries to stand and wobbles for a moment. He slowly walks around and gathers himself. His muscles gradually awaken from their deep death-like slumber. "Would ya look at that, I can walk!" He takes off in a mad dash around the house. He runs down the wing, runs back and through the living room and into the operating room.

Doc Mitchell slaps his knee, "Well my goodness you are a lively one. How were they able to get you anyway heheh. Do you have a family history of being shot in the head? I just need to make a note for later use if I ever have to see you or a family member."

Jak Lightning laughs out loud at this, "We are a tough clan but I don't recall us falling ill from sucha thing. Maybe loss of blood or radiation poisoning but not a bullet to the brain haha." Jak bends his knees and does a couple back flips for pure recall.

Doc Mitchell comments on this, "Quite the agile one you are, anything else?"

Lightning goes into the living and kicks the couch to the wall. Doc's eyebrows rise at this sight, "Strong too, you're strong; agile; intelligent. A bullet at point blank range doesn't kill you, 'least not well enough. You are quite the tough man if I do say so myself. Now I have a few words and statements for you. When I say the following words you tell me the first thing that comes to mind. Dog."

Jak stands there and replies, "Man's best friend."

"All right, house," Doc says.

"Shelter to raise a family." Jak takes a seat in the chair next to him.

"Night," Doc says

"Hmm, the darkness that can make a man both invisible and easy prey," Lightning is looking at Doc and sees he astounds him with this response.

"Wow, did you write that yourself?" Doc stares at him earnestly.

"Hehah, nah. Is there another word?" Jak listens patiently.

Mitchell announces, "Bandit."

Jak raises an invisible handgun and replies, " Next scum bag I take down with my-" He looks at his right hand, "Oh." He sees to his dismay, there is no gun in his hand.

Doc Mitchell finds this a little amusing, "Ha, next word is: light..."

Jak thinks about this for a moment and responds, "Hope, whether it be in a deep chasm or a torch headed your way in the dead of night."

Doc nods in agreement, "Yes, alright last word: mother."

At this word fond memories of his mother comes to mind. "The woman you can look up to. Hopefully one day you can find a good woman like that and marry her. A strong woman that'll take care of you and be an outstanding mother to your children. Someone loyal; loving; trustworthy; dependable; brave..." Jak looks down and sees a gold band on his ring finger. He notices he struggles to remember someone very dear to him.

Doc Mitchell take notice and asks, "Did you find that good woman... I never got your name."

Jak is awakened from his memories at this statement, "Jak Lightning, and I don't know if I did or not."

Doc Mitchell takes a look at Jak's left hand and acknowledges, "A band on your left ring finger is a sign of commitment, maybe you do have a love out there waiting for you."

When Jak looks at the band the strings of his heart are pulled. He continues to gaze upon it when saying, "I hope so."

A certain quiet has filled the room. One that makes a man think about his past, and past loves. Doc Mitchell cannot help but think about his past loves he has had in his long life. He then remembers the statements he must say and gets to it. "Jak, I'm gonna say some statements and you tell me if it sounds like something you'd say. First one: I ain't given to relying on others for support."

Jak looks up and says, "If I am a committed man then certainly yes. In times of need then of course, but I'm not going to abuse that support."

Doc nods in understanding and continues, "I'm always fixin' to be the center of attention."

Lightning shakes his head, "Nah, the only way I'd do that is if need be. If not then no."

Doc goes on, "Understandable, third one: I'm slow to embrace new ideas."

Jak replies, "No, whatever it takes to get the job done. Adapt, overcome, survive."

"Very good, alright last one: I charge in to take my problems head on." Doc looks at Jak who ponders this thought.

"Sometimes yes, but just as many times a strategy is needed to outman the enemy." Jak continues to sit in the operating room with Doc.

Mitchell stands and takes his clipboard to his desk. He ushers Jak to walk with him, who eagerly follows. Jak bolts up and strides behind the doc to the front door. Doc speaks, "Here is your gear that was buried with you. You were quite the adventurer I take it. You had yourself some reinforced leather armor; rattan cowboy hat; a .44 magnum; and a switchblade. One of them must have had some honor about him to let you die, I mean almost die, with this gear."

Jak looks to Doc and asks, "Speaking of the men that buried me, thankfully alive, any idea which way they headed?"

"Hmm, no, but you should go ahead and ask Trudy. She is the barman and may have an idea at which way they headed. The few of them went into the bar last I heard, which was a few after your wonderful meet with them. Take this too, it is a Pip-Boy 3000. I'm a retired old man and you will be able to make much better use of it than I will. Here are some stimpaks as well, and a vault 21 suit. If you somehow get shot in the head again, and they send you here at least you already have a resting place." Doc Mitchell says with a straight face and hands Jak the Pip-Boy, stimpaks and vault 21 suit.

Jak shakes Mitchell's hand and thanks him, "Thank you for reviving me Doc, and yea, at least I'll have a resting place." Jak equips the Pip-Boy; Reinforced Leather armor; and places the 44. magnum into it's holster.

He opens the door but before he leaves Doc Mitchell says, "Hey Jak, I look into your eyes and I see you still love a woman yet you are unable to remember her. I have a feeling she is out there Jak. You find your good woman."

Jak tips his hat to the elderly fellow. He steps over the threshold and takes in the humble sight that is Goodsprings, Nevada.

--

Till next time, stay classy!

Everybody should get some kind of review.

First off: I'm not a personal fan of stories involving the main character, because it's been played. But some good writing can make the story fun to read and give us unique insight and perception to the story that we might not have said before.

Everything seems good here, and it's generally a fun read, but...Thoughts should go in italics, not quotations, followed or prelude by "I thought", that just get's redundant.


...You mean, Jak right?

I had others, but too tired. Just change thoughts to italics.

Happy Holidays.

Thank you Yttrium. And your not going to like this but I've written all these parts and stories ok my iPhone. I tried to make it fresh and make it to where it's familiar, but in the same way it isn't. While writing i this knew that his name would be Lightning, but it took me awhile to figure a first name. I went through one I can't remember now; Kane; Jacque, and finally reached Jak as a conclusion. I went through three names before getting to that. Unfortunately i missed one, how terrible of me. It has a sense of seriousness as much as it says hey, I'll laugh at myself if need and others too. As for the quotations I meant to put ' as i do for all the thought sentences. I kind of imagined Jak as someone like Mark Wahlbergs's Terry Hoitz; Matt Damon's Texas Ranger LaBoeuf. I thought it suitable he have some sort of amnesia after taking a bullet to the brain. As I post in the future I will add italics as needed, as well as nit do the I think in thought sequences.

Good story, I still hav'nt had time to redo mine..

Dang christmas season and all.

It's understood Boradam. I'm not writing today, if what I do can even be considered writing.

Hey, don't put yourself down. You do an excellent job of conveying a story.

It's a great story! You do a good job portraying one potentially boring scene into one with lots of character development and detail to bring it alive.

Thank you Yttrium. How exactly is that pronounced anyway?

My reply to your reply made sense right?

i-tree-uhm

A rare and quite useless metal.

And I think it did, but you just confused me by asking that.

Thank you DarkZerker. I was trying to do just that. I am going to continue writing, just not today ofcourse. Itll be a very long story with lots to draw from. Thank goodness I have a lot of source material.

Lightning

Episode 2
... That's Not New...

Jak walks down the hill of Doc's humble home. He opens the picket fence door, steps through and respectfully closes it. As he is he can feel the .44 revolver sway on his side, and his boots crunch the sands of Goodsprings. To his right a red head walks with dog at side and varmint rifle in hand. She comes up to him and introduces herself, "Howdy stranger, I'm Sunny Smiles, welcome to Goodsprings!" A small dust devil comes to life, spins behind her, and dies as she says this.

Jak replies to her, "Well hello sister, it's good to be here. Thank you for welcoming me. However this ain't my first welcome."

A look of realization arises on her hispanic white girl face, "Oh! You're the stranger Victor dr- carried through town. Hey, why don't you come with me and we will loosen up that shootin' arm of yours."

Jak replies with a smile, "Well all right, lead the way sister."

Jak follows Sunny and her dog. During the little walk Sunny says to Jak, "Don't worry, Cheyenne won't bite unless I tell her to." Jak chuckles a bit from this reassurance. Sunny leads Jak behind the Goodsprings General Store. The three face the back of the store as Sunny instructs Jak, "Ok, You see those bottles right there? You shoot 'em with that big revolver at your hip. Go on."

Jak nods in understanding. He looks down the brim of his hat and counts the bottles. They add up to six, he pulls his revolver out of the holster and checks to see how many rounds he has. Six rest within the weapon. Jak places the stainless steel and wooden grip back into it's holster. He taps his fingers against the leather of his holster. Without realizing how he does it he pops, cocks, and locks the magnum in half a second. In 1.5 seconds the bottles are shatters of brown glass against the wall of the general store. Jak's jaw drops along with Sunny's. He remarks on this astonishment, "I'm assuming that's not new."

"You have fine muscle memory, wow!" She looks back over to the shards of glass again. A sly little grin shows up. She walks over to the post and places 5 bottles up. She strides over to Jak and hands him a varmint rifle. "Alright, that was beautiful. Now we have to see about your rifle skills. Do you remember how to do this?"

Jak grips the rifle and without realizing he holds it properly into his shoulder. He readies it for fire. Looking down the sights he sees the first bottle. A shot is fired and there goes the bottle. He looks down to the bottle and sees
that it isn't shattered. He adjusts his sights accordingly. Jak puts the rifle back into his shoulder. He beams down the sights and fires again. This time the round shatters the bottle. Moving the rifle slowly to the left he fires and more shards fill the sand. 2.5 seconds later no bottles sit on the post.

Sunny looks over with astonishment, "Well I'll be, you're a fine marksman indeed. You can keep that rifle. Would you help me clear out some geckos infesting our springs?"

Jak is sincere with his thanks, "Thank you for this fine piece of machinery. Yes, of course I'll help you with your infestation. Lead the way sister."

Lightning uses the sling and straps the rifle to his back. Once it is snug he runs after Sunny who is jogging up ahead next to Cheyenne. Jak catches up to them and slows down to stay with them. They reach some cover where they have clear sight of the geckos. Sunny is crouching in the sneak position and turns to Jak, "Do your thing."

Jak sneaks on ahead and pulls his revolver out of it's holster. The unsuspecting geckos are all turned away from him. With revolver loaded he unloads on the three unsuspecting creatures. Three rounds and three dead geckos later they move on.

Cheyenne takes the lead and attacks one of the few geckos at the next well. Sunny fires on the left gecko and Jak pulls the trigger on the right gecko. The gecko he shoots now has one new hole. He looks to his left and sees Cheyenne with a throat in her mouth, and Sunny firing her last shots to take down the varmint.

With the battle ending a Goodsprings settler rushes forward. She speaks, "Thank you so much! I was worried I had just had my last meal. Take this, some purified water when you get thirsty."

Jak packs away the water in his satchel, "Thank you miss, you have a nice day." He looks over to Sunny, "There goes your gecko problem sister."

"Yeap, here take these caps and I want to show you how to make healing powder." She takes him down the hill to the little campfire. The two pop a squat by the fire on the trail. "Here is what we need to make healing powder: Xander root, and broc flower. You bring me these and we will get started. Look around the school house and the uh... cemetery. I will have the fire roarin' for ya."

She smiles at him from across the smoke. Jak smiles back and tells her, "Thank you sis, I'll be back in a small while." He tips his hat to her and returns to Goodsprings.

Jak is by the schoolhouse. He kneels down and picks the roots. He stands and the mid say sun shines through the the dry air of the Mojave to caress his face. In this instance a beautiful woman's face strike his mind like lightning in the desert. His heart stops beating for a moment, and he collapses to a knee.

--

Till next time, stay classy!

Trying to catch up for missing days. But, I'm confused, you going to continue this or the Weston Chronicles? You can only have one fanfic and one RP at a time. You could transform the Weston Chronicles into some kind of huge database of your stories and keep posting in that one, or you could stick with this one. What say you?

Oh snap, I didn't know, crap... I should make it a database shouldn't I? I mean technically they walk past each other all the time so maybe... Do you have opinion Yttrium, would you like to see this in with that?

Okay then, lets' us see...I believe there are more advantages to leave this story here and just drop The Weston chronicle. Add a link to the The Weston Chronicles in your siggy in case people want to read more by you. Finish this story and then go back to The Weston chronicles and add more if you wish or start a new fanfic, but I wouldn't do the database thing, if the large chapters didn't daunt readers, that sure as hell would.

Crap, cause I went database... Real quick, you click lightning and there it is... You consider Westons much better than Lightning?

I say there fairly even to me. Go ahead and go with the database, I still read and it makes it quick and painless to find.Though all the entries might terrify some people, but I'm shooting in space here.

Think I should put him in an rp? I'm starting to think him
As Courier restricts him.

Okay WolfMan – I mean the “real” wolf man – I thought I’d give you a few, friendly tips.

1) As Yttrium said: It’s really hard to write the main story line. Everyone knows what happened, and what they did in-game, so many people are going to tire of your story quickly unless unexpected things start to happen soon. Things that couldn’t happen in the game – more dialogue, sixual tension, new characters, etc. Don’t repeat in game dialogue unless it’s as an homage.

2) Naming your character “ Lightning” is ballsy – really ballsy. It’s like naming him “badass.” You really got to own up to that name without “ubering” your character or he won’t be believable. Just think about that.

3) I think the flow of your writing is pretty good – so try experimenting with things like mood, metaphors, symbolism, and perspective. They’ll make it even stronger and deeper.

Most writers have a lot of self doubt, so remember its normal, and don’t let it be discouraging.

Hope that helps, thanks for checking out my work, and keep on writing.

Yes, I have an idea for the next episode but I am unsure of it.


True, I tried to keep him more on a human level with the amnesia. He's a dangerous man who has no idea who he is but he knows he's married, or was married. So his quest is to find is love and himself.


Thank you, I hope I am hitting that better in Weston Chronicles.


Thank you, originally I didn't think that'd be quote-for-a-sig worthy. Writing it I wanted to keep lore worthy, so I took a trip to The Vault and took a look at her profile. Scroll down and I see: Race: Hispanic. So naturally, I have to keep it with canon. Thus creating: A look of realization arises on her hispanic white girl face." I said it like this because what is she in game? A beautiful pale pasty white girl, redhead actually.



True, I'm not sure how long I'll be writing, I will try to when college starts back up. My senior class HS English teacher taught me well, I aced English comp 1. I am starting to see why we should only have one facfic/rp. It's difficult to balance two fanfics, one on my pointy finger and big toe.