Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum and as a Huge Fallout 3 fan I cannot resist the temptation of creating a storyline such like the one in fallout 3. Please comment if there is anything for me to improve upon or just ideas to be included in the story line Thank you.

Chapter 1

Vault 100, same Vault as any others, designed as a social experiment to see the aftermath of 2 Caucasian male, 2 African male and 1 Asian female. It was a relatively small Vault, just like a modern day middle-class house. There were plenty of food and water, plenty of furnitures and things, just like a normal family. The routine was that each male get to "reproduce" with the girl each night and pills would be taken to prevent her from being pregnent. Things went on and six was good until one day, She was pregnent.
"I don't understand, You took your pills last night, did you not?" Asked Caucasian 1.
She was embarassed, as she always was, and replied " Yes sir, but I don't know..."
"Shut Up! Now what are we going to do, the [censored] pills don't seem to be working, have your immune system adpted to that stupid [censored]!" The Black man was always upset and angry, even when he is on top of her. Let's just call him, B1.
"Let's just lay off six for a while, a new member to the family isn't that bad." Said C2. ( Guess what that stands for)
B2 remained silent and nodded after a short while.
The girl was delighted to hear that, she has always wanted to be a mother, ever since that incident.
everyone sat in silence until B1 broke the ice. "[censored] it, But I'm not delivering no [censored]"
B2 laughed as he muttered," And I thought you liked your hands in her ...."
B1: [censored] you, YOu [censored]"



18 years later...
Blood everywhere, a man stood on the stool, 10mm in hand, he hacked the console and entered a tunnel. It was dark and smelled like nothing he has ever tried before. Of Course he was scared, With blood in his hands, he permenently destroyed the console, sealing off the Vault from the outside world. He stepped out further into the tunnel, Staring into the striped light given off of the Wooden door at the end of the tunnel. Scared, he aimed his gun, and he walked, slow but steady, toward the wasteland. It was a courageous step that brought him to open the door and instantly, Sun light penertrated his eye, effectively blinding his for several minutes. As soon as his eyes adpted, he Oserved the land before him, Barren, striped of trees, rocks everywhere, dirt storms slowly changing shape of the land, Screwed up houses and barely standing electricity towers. it was not a pleasent sight, The man wondered where he would go from there, looking left, he saw a Huge Battle ship in the distance, Wondering if there were any civilization left in the world he began his journey to His destiny.

Dont quit your day job.

My problem with your story, is that it really does'nt catch the reader, you need to think out your story better, the begining was a little out there, and did'nt really open the rest for the 18 years later bit, if you really want a story and some inspiration, readLife of a Wastelander, by Dr. Strangelove. What a great story action, heart, mystery, you cant go wrong.

I agree, the begining really did'nt catch me, but besides that, it was ok.

Is there really a need for that? It's not clever or funny, because it's a much overused cliche.

Thank you for your comments , guys.
I will try to improve the quality of my work.
Here is the second chapter.

Chapter 2 Rivet City
Wasn't long before his 10mm helped his way to the ship, not much could stand against their particle accelerations anyway. Plenty of things blew up while he was at it too, cars, refrigerators, any thing with fusion power left in them anyway. Raider's armor and guns only made additions to his inventory. He became fanatical about weapons, Small ones, big ones, even rarely Energy weapons. Occasionally, someone would carry them and get filled by little metals as Sounds exploded. Then all their things would mysteriously disappear and reappear again in the rivet city market. This was how he made a living?
His name was Alec, Alec the Gun Hogger as his mates called him. He sold things, lots of things, lots of different kind of things for a living. Guns, Radios, Books, Sometimes even mutilated arms if someone wants it. He was also famed for his ability to drink things, things that would kill others instantly. He had a room in the Weatherly hotel; it had a nice bed and some storage space. He was a paranoid one I would say. He changed his lock with one he snatched from the National Guard depot not far from the GNR radio station. He thought it was a nice thing that some selfless person would spend his life broadcasting news to everyone. He has visited it a couple of times, people with big-ass armour were standing at the entrance, but through the mysteriously hostile scent given off his body, he convinced the guards to let him in. He met a couple of higher rankings and Three Dog, whom he discovered was a selfless yet flawed person. When he asked for him to fix the Satellite Dish, He gladly accepted. Though there were many metros taking him near that point, he yet stubbornly decided to blast his way there with his big guns. After discovering that even his missiles weren't enough, He went to the metro and spent all his rage on the Feral Ghouls that lived there, even the still humane Ghouls were also slayed in Inhumane, sorry, I meant In-Ghoulane ways. Getting there was a simple thing for him, the more ghouls there is, the hotter he is. Sooner or later, he was there, the museum. Grenades as he later learned were great against Super Mutants in tight spaces. Plenty blood sprayed and head exploded that night. Carrying the satellite dish the Monumental tower was even simpler for him, sometimes the dish would be dropped and heads would exploded, but the dish was in fine condition when it got there, effectively spraying the signal to the entire Washington wasteland. He went home that day proud, announcing to everyone his great achievement. Of course, no one believed him but he didn't care, Self pride was all he need to live another day.