First of all, I would like to say that some of the short stories and stuff that I've been reading on here are really good, I've always been into writing but never been one for far fetched stories such as these, until I played Fallout, that is.

I decided to write my own story, it's not a short story, but it's not huge. I'll put a few snippits up, its not finished yet, but, if you fellas/fellettes like it I will post it chapter by chapter ..

Please feel free to give CONSTRUCTIVE comments about it, my imagination isn't what it used to be, uniformity and following orders somehow takes the ability to think away from you.

Thanks

I like what I see so far. Of course seeing only snippets means that I can't assess it properly.

And I know what you mean about taking orders. Gotta love our British boys in the services.

You should of just posted the story, but it looks good.

A couple comments:

"He was approaching from the west..."

This is just my opinion, but it's usually good to not to use a passive voice, for example "to be" verbs. This whole sentence seems rushed too, like your trying to get through your story faster than standing back and letting it play out. And you also start this sentence off with a distant narrative voice, and then all of sudden the reader is jerked really close to the action with a different, closer narrative voice. Just a suggestion, but this sentence might be stronger, if you expand upon it and maybe chopped it up.

The other sentences have similar problems, but it might all work for you and your style of writing. I can't really give constructive criticism unless I see the whole story though.

Ratlance: Yeah I was kinda thinking that aswel, I haven't wrote for a really long time and I'm still getting my feet, for ages I have no ideas then all of a sudden, 10 come at once and I try to fit it all in in one go.. Thanks I will redo some parts of it

Shakespearian: Cheers matey, are you in the forces yourself?

How do you know? It's just a quote. You don't even know where it comes from within the story...

EDIT: Unless those are the first three sentences.

Well, I do have a tendency to read to far into the text. But here is the reasoning that brought me to that conclusion.

"He was approaching from the west," if you were to picture this like a movie then the camera almost has a God's eye view. "When he heard the chilling whizz of a bullet flying past his head, he dropped to the ground and lay still." here the camera jumps into the action, the reader goes from a scenic look to a close action packed scene in one sentence.

This is all style though, and only an opinion, Creative Writing is free from any rules. But I do feel as a Writer a person should know the rules they are breaking, to make a written piece more effective in getting across his/her story.

Yeah that's a fair comment, I agree with it, at the moment I'm writing it all down and seeing what I come up with, it's a work in progress. Thanks for all the comments.

Im liking those quotes. Shame there are so few as its hard to base an opinion on them so far BUT what you got seems solid enough. So id say run with it

And as for the orders thing, remembers Siht runs down hill


***damm censor***

Not for much longer mate .. Bored of getting "saht" on lol

Hey whatever works man im sure as hell not in anymore.

What were you in?

Army. The rifles. CMT.

Kool beans, there's quite a few lads kicking about down here that are in the rifles, don't know what they're doing.

Probably F/A....its all i ever did