This Mans Wasteland: The Story of Captain Jonathan Pike

Post » Sat Mar 19, 2011 9:46 pm

My names Captain Jonathan Pike. This mashed up piece of [censored] of a tale is my story. Like it or not i'm here to tell it.

It began on a day like any other, the smell of the red army, blood, gunpowder, and death. At the frontlines my squad and i fought. Day in, day out. We lived and breathed to see the chinks fall. I lost many men under my command.... but this day.... this day was the worst of my career... I lost every man but one.
Corporal William T. Higgins and I were stuck behind enemy lines, a bunker in front of us, a mountain of snow behind us. We were out numbered, and out gunned. Nearly pissing our pants with fear. But we had to push forward. No defeat, no surrender!

"Corporal. get your head together."

"Yes captain"

"We got [censored] to do, lets get a move on"

We headed into the bunker, ammo nearly depleted we inched our way into the supply closet.

"Captain?"

"What is it Higgins this aint the time to be debating [censored], we got reds all around us and you wanna have a [censored] conversation."

"I'm sorry captain, but all I wanted to know was if you needed any grenades"

"No I don't need any grenades"

With that we headed deeper into the enemies domain. It was easy at first, most of the reds were deeper into the bunker. Having biult the bunker, incase of a nuclear bomb being dropped it had many winding corridors and rooms.We killed soldiers along the way, sentries asleep at their posts.Until we came upon the last two rooms.

"Ok Corp. time to lock and load"

The first room had 10 soldiers sleeping on cots, with our combat knives out we killed them in a matter of seconds. Their bodies still laying in their beds as if they were still asleep. Blood dripping over the sides of the matresses Tip toeing like a kid trying to sneak down the stairs and grab a snack, we entered the last room. A master chamber, within it were 15 soldiers all with their heads on monitors unaware that we were just a few feet from reaching them.

Pulling out our assault rifles...... BOOOM, a loud explosion over head, and the soldiers were scrambling. Grabbing weapons that were lined up along the wall. Higgins and I open fired. Killing 5 instantly and taking out all of the monitors that were possitioned along the wall. Anarchy reined supreme as the soldiers scrambled and fell as our bullets tore through them. A few returned fire. I got shot in the left leg, the bullet went wizzing as it struck the door behind me. Still firing Higgins tried to drag me out of the door we came through. With no luck we decided it was our final stand. Firing like crazy until all of the soldiers were dead, I tried to get to my feet. With no use I just layed there, not noticing a general with a missile launcher had entered the room.

"Nǐ tā mā de húndàn bái sǐ!" shouted the chinese general as he fired the missile launcher.
Higgins was blown off his feet by the missile. His body was strewn accross the room, mingling with the dead reds.

"YOU SON OF A [censored]!!!!" I screamed as I opened up on his sorry ass just as he was reloading, tearing the missile launcher out of his hands and sending him flying into the wall.
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^_^
 
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Post » Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:26 am

Hmmm... it has potential, but I see alot that can be fleshed out on here. Im to tired to go over it all, but for starters don't forget to put quotation marks around sentences everytime someone talks.

"Man..." Timmy said to John Doe, "I need to take a dump."

Ill give more feedback tomorrow!
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Strawberry
 
Posts: 3446
Joined: Thu Jul 05, 2007 11:08 am

Post » Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:04 am

My names Captain Jonathan Pike. This mashed up piece of [censored] of a tale is my story. Like it or not i'm here to tell it.

It began on a day like any other, the smell of the red army, blood, gunpowder, and death. At the frontlines my squad and i fought. Day in, day out. We lived and breathed to see the chinks fall. I lost many men under my command.... but this day.... this day was the worst of my career... I lost every man but one.
Corporal William T. Higgins and I were stuck behind enemy lines, a bunker in front of us, a mountain of snow behind us. We were out numbered, and out gunned. Nearly pissing our pants with fear. But we had to push forward. No defeat, no surrender!

"Corporal. get your head together."

"Yes captain"

"We got [censored] to do, lets get a move on"

We headed into the bunker, ammo nearly depleted we inched our way into the supply closet.

"Captain?"

"What is it Higgins this aint the time to be debating [censored], we got reds all around us and you wanna have a [censored] conversation."

"I'm sorry captain, but all I wanted to know was if you needed any grenades"

"No I don't need any grenades"

With that we headed deeper into the enemies domain. It was easy at first, most of the reds were deeper into the bunker. Having biult the bunker, incase of a nuclear bomb being dropped it had many winding corridors and rooms.We killed soldiers along the way, sentries asleep at their posts.Until we came upon the last two rooms.

"Ok Corp. time to lock and load"

The first room had 10 soldiers sleeping on cots, with our combat knives out we killed them in a matter of seconds. Their bodies still laying in their beds as if they were still asleep. Blood dripping over the sides of the matresses Tip toeing like a kid trying to sneak down the stairs and grab a snack, we entered the last room. A master chamber, within it were 15 soldiers all with their heads on monitors unaware that we were just a few feet from reaching them.

Pulling out our assault rifles...... BOOOM, a loud explosion over head, and the soldiers were scrambling. Grabbing weapons that were lined up along the wall. Higgins and I open fired. Killing 5 instantly and taking out all of the monitors that were possitioned along the wall. Anarchy reined supreme as the soldiers scrambled and fell as our bullets tore through them. A few returned fire. I got shot in the left leg, the bullet went wizzing as it struck the door behind me. Still firing Higgins tried to drag me out of the door we came through. With no luck we decided it was our final stand. Firing like crazy until all of the soldiers were dead, I tried to get to my feet. With no use I just layed there, not noticing a general with a missile launcher had entered the room.

"Nǐ tā mā de húndàn bái sǐ!" shouted the chinese general as he fired the missile launcher.
Higgins was blown off his feet by the missile. His body was strewn accross the room, mingling with the dead reds.

"YOU SON OF A [censored]!!!!" I screamed as I opened up on his sorry ass just as he was reloading, tearing the missile launcher out of his hands and sending him flying into the wall.

that was actually quite good. but u might wana be more descriptive of the setting. i felt sorry for higgins when the captain yelled at him xD
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Oscar Vazquez
 
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