Depressed because I wrote a long piece I was going to start chapter three with, but when finished I decided it would be better as the end of chapter three. So now I have to re-arrange things and write six pages before I can post what I wanted to get done yesterday.

Sure. My trouble is usually coming up with archaic sounding insults.

Ok, cool. From your lack of description of those I was thinking the way they died was mysterious too.

First, my thanks to Rohugh for changing the title and description. Although it's a strange title to choose, it's much more appropriate for where the story decided it wanted to go.

Second, my apologies for the delay in updates. There are several reasons for this, some story related, some personal. As to the story, there are several changes. The introduction has now been changed, with a new viewpoint character added. This was essential to allow me to explore the ideas and themes this story will present. The style wil remain the same, (first person, present tense), but will change between the two characters now. I've done quite a lot of work on this in the last few weeks, both in terms of writing and research, so I hope the story will see those benefits. It bleedin' well better do

Thanks for your patience, and I hope those that are still interested will find that patience rewarded over the next few weeks, as this is going to start picking up steam rapidly now those issues are resolved. I've a little editing still to do tomorrow, and then new updates should be arriving within 24 hours.

HELP!!!

I have made such a monumental balls up of this, I don't know where to even begin fixing it. Right from the artificial prologues that say a lot without anything happening. I've been writing for twenty years, and I've never found myself struggling with so much difficulty to breathe life into something. I should know better than this! My reasoning for going first person, present tense even eludes me, though I'm sure it was a good reason at the time, now it seems like an awful idea.

To repeat:

HELP!!!

You do it too well to quit, don't jump horses midstream !!! Lol - You do an Awesome job with the first person. The story is great so far, I didn't get on the FF forum till late august, so missed all this! Please keep writing!

Specifics? You can PM me if you like; you know I am more than willing to hash out writing issues....

The first person is (I believe) right for this kind of story (as a Chandler addict, I would say that). Present tense is also the way to go, as the reader is "seeing through the narrator's eyes." He is not remembering- he is experiencing it NOW. It puts all of us in the same moment, with the same information. There can still be foreshadowing, "if I had only known" touches, but the narrator doesn't get to be omniscient and withhold essential facts (yes, Agatha Christie, I AM looking at you).

You can even introduce a second POV- it is difficult, but it has been done.... I have never tried, because I live so much inside my characters' heads (or they in mine, never sure which), and it is already rather crowded in there, so I can only keep up with one conversation at a time.

You may have to "cheat." Write the whole of one character's POV (or at least write it to a good stopping place), then write the second POV to a similar jumcture. This is your draft- it is not for publication. Once you have the pieces where you like them, begin interleaving as appropriate- THAT is the final version.

Well, I had an idea about this today after some thought. Imagine this as a Humphrey Bogart noir film like the Maltese Falcon. Sarvayn can always have an edge of cynicism, and be ready to defend himself from his friends and enemies. Make the people he ought to trust try to use him in a power-play and cross him. Everything can be stylized, and you'll start the style of TES noir.

Thanks for the replies guys. I think I might have cracked it now - it seems to me to be more the structure I chose that's caused me the problems. It never really managed to generate a head of steam. The characters and the plotlines I think are still usable, I just can't believe I made such a mess of the opening...

I'm going to try this again, and hope it generates a little more pace and conflict this time. It can't create much less. I'll set up a new thread in a little bit, it would be a nightmare trying to edit it as it is.

*Sorry mods* - Can this be locked please whilst I open up a new thread shortly? *Cringes*

Locked per OP request.