Thank you the vault is 114 I made a typo.




Thanks for your input I know it's not a drama but things will be revealed in the coming chapters. Again I appreciate the comment it motivates me to keep writing. Looking forward to more Wes.

I will return the favor of giving feedback.


Your story has an interesting premise. You have a good handle on how to write, but you’re writing this story in a hybridized role-play form. You don’t need to explain the background of the vault/wasteland upfront, you can weave those facts into the body of the story – have some of the characters gradually explain the vault's history, what happened since 2277, etc., through their dialogue.


You also don’t need scene directions like **Vault Level One** if you explain the character’s surroundings through their own eyes.


That aside, neat ideas. Keep it going. Hope this helps.

I like 'em. There was something wrong, but I can't remember, just where some info got changed around. Sorry. I'm tired.

Read through that last post. Damn it was long.

It was good though. Interesting scenario, looking forward to seeing where it goes.

I really like the idea of the Vaults and the tension inherent in such a situation.

Thanks I'm glad you liked it Smiley. I've caught a severe case of writer's block trying to work on chapter 3 though.

Feel free to send any ideas my way and i'll provide whatever feedback I can.

It's a cool environment, it could go in several directions, and depending on whose perspective you narrate it from you could have several radically different stories.

Chapter 3: The Ruins Of Raven Rock

High in the night sky the lone enclave Vertibird silently flew towards it's destination in the northern mountains of the Capital Wasteland. The Lieutenant and his men had fallen asleep leaving the pilot Hicks alone with his thoughts as he flew the craft towards it's intended destination.

Hours later as the sun began to rise on the horizon the vertibird began to near the Raven Rock facility. "Lieutenant, were about twenty minutes out from the Raven Rock outpost!", Hicks called out loudly. The Lieutenant who was sleeping peacefully began to stir.

"W..hat..w...as..th..at..Hick?" Hicks quietly sighed to himself.

"WERE ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES OUT FROM RAVEN ROCK, LIEUTENANT!", Hicks hollered.

That last outburst fully jarred Lieutenant Briggs from his slumber. Though the Lieutenant was awake it took him a minute to process the pilot's statement. Once the Lieutenant grasped what Hicks told him he began barking orders at his unit which were still asleep. "SOLDIERS, I WANT EACH OF YOU COMBAT READY IN FIFTEEN! ARE WE CLEAR!?" Though still groggy the troops responded quickly.

"Sir, yes sir."

The next minutes had the unit in a frenzy reequipping armor and checking weapons for their impending arrival. Just as the last advanced power helmet locked in place Hicks was signaling that they were just above the base. The Vertibird descended slowly landing on a small patch of road opposite of the facility. Lieutenant Briggs grabbed his Plasma Caster from the seat beside him then filed out with Sergeant Major Mustang flanking him. The rest of the unit followed only several steps behind. Once everyone was outside Lieutenant Briggs moved in front of his troops who had fallen into line awaiting his orders.

Adjusting the weight of the Plasma Caster in his hands Lieutenant Briggs informed the unit of their objective. "Alright, listen up maggots because I'm only saying this once. With the Mobile Base Crawler destroyed we can only assume that Raven Rock has been lost as well. Our mission is to secure any salvageable tech while dispensing with any hostiles that interfere. Now, move out!"

The power armored troop began the trek up to the rock face that held the hidden base. Watching from a distance was the pilot Hicks who stood just outside the Vertibird cigarette in hand. "Well I better get 'Isabelle' fueled up before that blowhard gets back." Taking a long final drag from his cigarette Hicks dropped it to the ground stamping it out with his boot. Hicks yawned loudly before making his way to the fuel tank at the back of the Vertibird. "Better catch some shuteye after this, I'm exhausted.", he said going about his task.

Away from the Vertibird, Lieutenant Briggs and company crossed the threshold of the ruined fence leading up to the rock-face. Upon reaching the opening the troop found the mighty steel door gone and the facility exposed to the elements.

"What the hell! That door should have been impervious to any primitive firepower these savages could muster.", the Lieutenant mused.

One of the soldiers spotted a piece of metal jutting out from the sand, "Sir. their's something buried in the dirt, sir."

The soldier bent down and began digging up the concealed object.

"You men assist Private Ackerman."

The entire squad excluding the Lieutenant began aiding in the unearthing effort. After a large portion of the object was uncovered Sergeant Major Mustang realized just what the object was.

"Lieutenant, this is the facilities great steel door, of that I'm certain." Bending down Mustang rubbed his power armored hand along the edge of it's frame. "There are however two things that bother me about this, sir.

"You have the floor Sergeant Major."

"Thank you, sir. First off the spot where the door fell is odd.

"Why is that?"

"Elementary, sir. The metal around the door and the center markings indicate the explosion came from within. This brings up my second point, how did the enemy get inside our facility and cause such a blast or was this done by our own hand as a last resort."

The lieutenant huffed at the Sergeant’s last remark. "We'd never have to resort to such tactics, the Enclave is unbeatable.

The Sergeant was about to reply but held his tongue as he didn't want to cause strife between himself and the Lieutenant.

Fool, doesn't he remember what happened at the oil rig when that tribal [censored] set back our operation in California. Or even what happened at the Mobile Crawler we came from. In any case were far from invincible. The wasters see us as nothing more than scary folktales these days.


The Enclave team tentatively stepped into the dirt encrusted linoleum floor weapons at the ready. The once hygienically clean environment had fallen into disrepair. The walls had heavy scorch patterns in them probably from the explosion. After taking a minute to soak it all in the Lieutenant clapped his hands together getting the groups attention

"Well let's get to work, we tear this place apart."

OOC: Not my best work but I wanted to get this fanfic going again.