So, like most writers here, this is a work in progress, and just a few little thoughts of how life would be in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

The year is 2284, and Chicago has become the last surviving enclave stronghold..... As butch, a common wasteland prospector combed the wastes of the Midwest; he stumbled upon a pre-war holotape inside an abandoned suburb home. Inserting it into his Pip-Boy 3000 an unfamiliar voice buzzed to life. Quickly he realized this was no pre-war relic, but schematics for the nearby water treatment plant. Immediately, scared of its contents he stashes the tape in his Brahmin hide bag under a pile of empty Nuka Cola bottles and pre-war money. He knew in Enclave territory possession of any and all information tied to possible terrorist threats were punishable by death. As he searched the rest of the house he heard the slight buzzing of an Enclave eyebot, and the feint heavy footsteps of an Enclave patrol. Ducking for the bed he smacks his head on one of the bedrails and grunts in pain. Hoping the soldiers had not detected him he tucked the rest of his body under the bed and prayed they would keep walking. He counted the seconds off in his head…. One…. Two….. Three……… nothing. Exhaling he thanked whatever god was left in the wastes and crawled out from under the bed. Just as he stood to full height he heard the front door unlock, searching his bag in vain for a Stealth Boy he knew that hiding just wasn’t an option. As he cursed himself for his stupidity he drew his damaged 10MM pistol, sliding the clip in gently as to not make any noise he turned the corner to see a young woman, about in her twenties, already with a lazer rifle at his head. She steeled herself as she said very calmly get out of my house, before I have to waste a Microfusion cell on your wasteland rat ass. Nodding in compliance he grabbed his bag and scurried out the door almost so fast he could have left a dust cloud behind him. As he ran from the ravaged neighborhood he thought about his near death encounter and the stolen holotape hiding in his bag. When he reached shack on the outskirts of the city, he locked the door and grabbed a bottle of purified water from the fridge. Shaking from fatigue, and sheer terror of how his day had been he stood in the kitchen almost lifeless. Snapping back to reality when his Mr. Gutsy hovered down the stairs and exclaimed “HELLO MASTER! HOW MAY I SERVE YOU?!” Shaking his head he grumbled “damnit Virgil, how many times have I told you not to sneak up on me?” “Well sir, if you’d wear your glasses, maybe you’d have better perception” Virgil smugly replied. As Butch shuffled up the stairs, he tossed the bag on his workbench sending the stacks of scrap electronics and fission batteries and tin cans flying everywhere. After he changed into his RobCo jumpsuit he sat down at his workbench sorting through the days take. As he was rummaging through the bag, his hand brushed the holotape, and his heart began to sink, thinking about all its inherent dangers he decided to take a risk and inserted it into his refurbished holotape player. Scanning its info he noticed that these were Top-Secret Enclave documents, with detailed instructions of when and where water was dispensed, and from where it was piped. The weirdest thing about the whole thing was not that it contained sensitive information, but that it was in someone’s home. Instantly he thought this woman was some sort of brotherhood spy, or maybe a raider who had managed to infiltrate the plant, instantly he dismissed the two thoughts seeing as the brotherhood was never a strong enough force like it was in California, or Washington D.C. he also dismissed the thought of raiders because this info was way too high tech for their brand of wasteland crime. As he ejected the disk he removed a secret floorboard in his workshop to hide his life ending evidence. Once again he pushed the thought away to the back of his mind and finished unloading his bag. Later on that evening he grabbed a Nuka and a coyote steak from the fridge, and popped the top off on his counter, pocketing the bottle cap. He really didn’t prefer the taste of coyote, but it was all he had in the fridge, which he considered himself lucky, some prospectors don’t even have the luxury of a hot meal every night. After he finished his meal he jotted down a to do list for the next day. The list simply read Chicago.

WELCOME!

Now instantaneous problem that may have cause the tremendous lack of posts on your story.

Spacing.

It's a giant block of text, a wall if you will. I don't know what you use to write this(Word, Office, Notepad), but the format doesn't really carry over(if you haven't noticed) so you will need to space it in blocks of five-seven lines of text. Otherwise my eyes will melt from their sockets. Really, this only takes like a full minute on your part, no time at all.

Three dots for the ellipses(...)

A comma instead of a period for dialogue

"Hello," she said.

Excludes "!" and "?"

Other than that I'll need adequate spacing before I continue on with my constructive criticism.

thanks for the criticism, but spacing? really?
please troll someone else

No spacing really, I'm not [censored] with you, read ANYTHING around here, and you'll see proper spacing.

You know the basics? Start a new paragraph with all dialogue and break it up into paragraphs.

Call me a troll if you wish, but I can't help you if you refuse the basics.

Ignorance is bliss.

Yttrium, I swear to god, If you troll one more time, I will http://images2.memegenerator.net/ImageMacro/5555383/TROLL-AGAIN-AND-I-WILL-DESTROY-YOU.jpg?imageSize=Medium&generatorName=%5Bcensored%5D-Batman you.

Just kidding. :rolleyes:

But, yes, If you don't use proper spacing, I refuse to read it. Simple. Just hit enter a few times, no big deal buddy.

Otherwise, it looks pretty good.

Hey there unlike me, that Yttruim cat Really knows what he is talking about. He is not trying to call you out just helping you along really. heh


Good start by the way I hope you carry on

are you guys english teachers? i seriously doubt it. so shut the [censored] up, read the story, then piss the [censored] off.

I'm surprised you were so moved by this story that you made a profile the very minute the comments were made in order to defend it's honor. Touching I assure you.

There's nothing against constructive criticism here, it's simply people trying help someone approve their writing. Most people like to approve themselves, but if the writer does not want any help than I shall offer none. I was merely offering my advice on how to make it more enjoyable for other readers.

But your simply implying that no one should leave comments right? If the author shares similar opinions than I shall be gone and I promise you, not to return.

Sorry if I offended.

in retrospect, i may have flew off the handle. i was unaware that spacing meant so much to the community.
and thanks everyone for the support