Prologue

The New California Republic or NCR as most folks called it. The NCR began its life in the small farming community of Shady Sands. It wasn't until the year 2186 that the republic was officially founded. Under the rule of its second president the republic opened trade routes with the Hub and Junktown. The republic persuaded the two towns to join them, the NCR kept on growing. The majority of South California was under NCR rule, the republic kept on pushing east until it came to the Mojave Wasteland.
The NCR pushed into the Mojave, they made it all the way to Hoover Dam and realized the military potential of holding it, and the NCR sent a detachment to the city of Las Vegas which had been renamed New Vegas. When they arrived they found an army of Securitrons, one of the robots approached the NCR and wished parlay, and they found out that the "owner" of New Vegas was Robert House.
In the end the New Vegas treaty was negotiated, the NCR was given Hoover Dam and was allowed to divert 95% of the power to California but the other 5% had to be diverted to New Vegas.
So the NCR had controlled the Mojave (expect New Vegas), but it wasn't their fate to have a peaceful time. From the east another group forged from the conquest of 86 tribes, Caesar's Legion entered the Mojave. The Legion attacked the dam; the NCR was barely able to defeat them. But the Legion wasn't destroyed oh no. It came back and attacked the Dam again; the Legion would've won if it wasn't for the timely arrival of the courier John Edwards.
The Legion scattered and NCR reigned supreme.

Timeline

2281
-The Second Battle of Hoover Dam, the NCR drives the Legion from the Mojave.
-Robert House is killed by the courier.
-Massed riots in Freeside, the Kings and NCR barely hold them back.
-The Follower's of the Apocalypse get a massive shipment of medicine from California.
-President Aaron Kimball makes the courier a NCR citizen.
-New Vegas is successfully annexed into the NCR.

2282
-President Aaron Kimball orders the destruction of Mr. House's Securitrons.
-The NCR forms a temporary alliance with the Great Khans.
-The boomers take the role of the NCR air force.

2283
-Cachino takes control of the Omerta's.
-Caesar dies from his brain tumor; Legate Lanius takes control of the Legion.
-The Brotherhood of Steel sneaks out of Hidden Valley and flee eastwards.

2284
-President Aaron Kimball is assassinated by a Great Khan assassin.
-Led by the courier the NCR with the boomers attack the Great Khan's at Red Rock Canyon, driving the Khans out of the Mojave.
-The White Glove Society is eradicated; there casino is given to the Garret Twins.
-The NCR starts elections.

2285
-The courier is elected as the new president of the NCR.
-A large force of rangers travels to quarry junction and rid it of deathclaws.
-The same force of rangers travels to Vault 19 and kills all Powder Gangers.

2286
-After a lengthy debate President John Edwards orders all NCR forces to New Vegas.
-The majority of the NCR army march east to make new conquests, they come into contact with the Legion.

IN all honest you could have included the timeline in the prologue also, but whatever.

I think I spot some problems that may occur later on in your story, but it's hard to tell at this point so I can only sit here and wait until you get the first chapter, actually the only reason to this post right now is...Keep it up.

Don't you have to be born into the NCR to be president? I know this isn't real but just saying....

Yeah, I think your right but want I'm trying to say is that because of his loyalty his made a citizen. Then when the President is killed and the NCR needs a new one, so instead of voting in a grubby politician they vote in the courier.

Sorry about that Yttrium I was meant to put the timeline in.

Also for anyone that puts a vote in please try to leave a comment :biggrin:

The Destruction of Flagstaff

“Get ready to unleash the Pearl’s payload” said Jack over the radio.

“Roger that, unleashing payload in 3… 2… 1” announced the boomer pilot.

Jack looked on in amazement as the Boeing B-29 Superfortress or Pearl as the Boomers named it flew over head towards the Legion encampment at Flagstaff. Even from a distance the airplane looked magnificent, Jack went back to the radio to tell the President how the fighting was going on.
Sergeant O’Donnell looked above as the Pearl zoomed past the NCR battlements towards the Legion. He looked back and yelled out to his men.

“Come on men, charge”

The NCR troopers ran out into the no-man’s-land, a lot of them fell down as Legion snipers picked them off, blood, guts and other stuff lettered the ground. But there were too many troopers, as one died another two would take his place. Before the Legion knew what was going on the troopers were among them killing all in their path. As the Legionaries slowly moved backwards they unleashed volley upon volley of bullets into the NCR.

“Take no prisoners” yelled Sergeant O’Donnell at the top of his lungs.

The Legion had lost the stomach to fight and retreated towards Flagstaff. But just they ran into their fortress the Pearl drooped its payload. There was a deafening sound as the Pearl's bombs detonated. A huge mushroom cloud loomed over Flagstaff.
Sergeant O’Donnell roared in victory.

“We won”

The troopers started to cheer and celebrate. It was a good day to be a NCR soldier.


(Author's Note: Don't know if the boomer airplane is called Pearl, but as it has a painting of Pearl on its tail I'm calling it Pearl)

Please comment

Just so no one gets confused I'm editing the Timeline.

Please leave comments.

Will do.

Nice story, it has potential to be quite the epic tale judging by your time line with an alternating narration. It will take time, but if done properly this story could span years of blood and violence as the struggle for Vegas continues, but before that awesomeness happens, there are some things I would like to mention.



In dialogue you should use a comma to denote who says what, excluding "!" and "?".

To make transition more clear, put a little symbol with a space on both sides to symbolize a switch in character, I prefer a "*" but something like a ------- , could work fine. Just to make it clear.

Lastly and most importantly, detail. You have WEAK description right now, but that's okay, practice can work fix that. Now I will tread lightly, for I am not an expert in these matters, and everyone has their own style of writing, but regardless, detail is important, this I know.


Here my rendition:

The NCR troopers ran out into the no-man’s-land, a hundred at least. Legs were blown off the kneecaps, leaving bloody smears on the concrete. Brains were excavated onto the pavement, leaving chunky globs on the ground. Chest erupted in fountains of blood, men grabbed at their intestines as the slipped away from them. But no matter the wound to their teammates, the NCR did not waver the charge. Even as their brothers fell down next to them, the raised their rifle and continued the sprint, they were in combat mode. The Legion snipers tried their best, picking them off like fish in a barrel, but the NCR had too many men. For every one man who had his spinal cord severed, three more took his place. The NCR advanced slaughtering the Legionaries much like the Legion had done to so many innocents before. They gave no mercy, they new the crimes of the Legion, most had seen them first had, they would not, could not, let such evil take the Mojave. The Legion tried rapidly backpedaling, showing no fear as most Legionaries don't, but a a tactful sense of retreat. They could not possibly win.

Some may not like my style of writing, perhaps it's too gruesome, that's fine. Style of writing is really dependent on the writer, but regardless, detail is necessary. Keep it up.

Good Luck.

Thanks for that Yttrium, your version of that whole NCR charging out towards the legion was nice. I think it wasn't that gruesome I've read worse.

Just a random question would this work as a RP? Just asking.

And thanks again for the comments. :biggrin:

I edited the Destruction of Flagstaff.

The Death of Decanus Dead Sea

Decanus Dead Sea surveyed the land, Flagstaff was nothing but smoldering ash. The NCR was camped nearby, there were thousands of tents. Dead Sea was tasked with the leadership of Flagstaff, but he had failed. He looked over to his surviving legionaries, they were in good condition and strong of will.

"We move out" ordered Dead Sea.

Decanus Dead Sea looked at Flagstaff for the last time, the smoke triumphantly rising into the sky and the blood soaked sands imprinted in his mind and then he headed off.

The Legate's Camp

Legate Lanius looked up as someone entered his tent, before the person fully came in the tent the Legate quickly put his helmet on.

"Who dare interrupt me?" said the Legate.

"It's I Decanus Dead Sea"

The Legate gestured for him to come closer.

"I can smell defeat on you, what happened?" snarled the Legate.

"It was the NCR, they took us by surprise. Flagstaff is no more" said Dead Sea.

The Legate considered this for a moment.

"You failed in your task Decanus", the Legate circled Dead Sea.

"I deserve whatever punishment you see fit" said Dead Sea truthfully.

The Legate nodded and took Dead Sea's machete, Liberator.

"A nice blade you have here"

Before Dead Sea could reply the Legate shoved the blade through Dead Sea's back, bones cracked as the blade broke through his heart and ribs to poke out of his chest. The Legate pulled the blade out, it was covered in steaming blood.

"Failure is not accepted in my Legion" said the Legate.

Dead Sea crumpled onto the ground, his blood pooling around him, reaching to the toes of the Legate. The Legate looked down upon Dead Sea's dead eyes, he then dropped the blade on the ground and left the tent.

Despite being a Legion lover boy, it is a good read. Language and tone is great, though it could use some more description. Here are some chnages, though you can add to it, or get rid of my changes and add your own. It's your choice




All the while, well done and keep up the good work! I always hated Dead Sea (until he gave me the Liberator >: D ) I hope to see more of your work!

thanks Schmuty I might apply your changes if its okay with you

Sure thing, brah. Go ahead

To anyone who goes on his thread go to http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1178086-the-republic-strikes-back/.

Did I just create a damn long character sheet for no reason?