The Secrets of Tamriel

Its been 4 years after the Oblivion crisis. I was living in Kvatch before it began, I was 19 years old, my parents would killed by Scamps and Daedra.
Kvatch has been rebuilt and we are living peacefully because of the new emperor. The new emperor is the hero of Cyrodiil, and he goes by many names.
My name is Norric Nejii I am a Imperial, I plan to leave with my friends Leni Uniss who is a beautiful high elf and Tuni Plare who is a Khajiit and my best friend.
Today we are to meet in the chapel of Kvatch.

Norric started to pack his things, and look at his parents bed. He then turns to leave the house.
As he walks outside the sky is pure blue and everything looks very beautiful. With a smile Norric walks on towards the chapel of Kvatch. Norric slightly bumps into a man in a black coat, then man turns around.
"Watch your self you petty Imperial."
"I am sorry."
"You best be."
The man turns around and carries on walking, by the look of him, he could be working for the dark brotherhood.
As Norric walks into the chapel he looks towards the benches, Tuni is sitting down on the front row as Leni is on her knees in front of the vale praying to the Nine.
Leni stands as Norric draws closer.
"You took your time Norric."
"I was watching something."
"I see."
Tuni stands up and him and Norric hug.
"Norric my friend, you look very pleased today."
"This is the beginning of are journey around Cyrodiil, seeing the beautiful landscapes and learn new things."
Tuni laughs, he then turns to grab his bag and hands overs Leni's bag. Leni looks at Norric.
"I think this will be good for my books, I could research on so much history, this is very exciting."
Leni walks towards the exit of the chapel and Tuni with a smile follows her and taps Norric on the shoulder. Norric then follows up from behind.

As Norric and the others leave the chapel someone in a white coat takes of his hood and looks towards Norric. The black coated man that bumped into Norric earlier comes up from behind the man in the white coat.
"Herik, I see you meet the Nejii's son."
Herik turns around to the man in the black coat and smiles.
"He is the one, Celi would be very please we have found him Marloom."
Marloom smiles.
"I will follow them for a day, the second town they go to I will try to join there team."
"Very well Marloom, I will report to Celi and tell her of what we have found."
Marloom buts back on his hood and then walks towards the exit. Herik puts on a ring that turns him invisible.


Hope you enjoyed the first chapter of my fan fiction. If people like it I shall continue.

Well, first of all welcome to Tes fan fiction It's always good to see aspiring new authors.

I believe it is safe to say that you haven't been writing for very long, correct? I have many things to say about this, but I think I'll start off with one or two, and if you want more advice I can supply it later.

First, one of the most important things to keep in mind when writing a story is that you want to keep it interesting. People should want to read it, they should anticipate more. Now, the tricky part is all the ways writers do this. I'm sure you've read plenty of published narratives and novels, and you know how amazing they seem. The characters seem to come to life, and you care deeply about what happens to them.

Characters are the most important parts of the story, even more important to us liking the story than a good plot or setting. You can have all the heart pounding action scenes you'd like, but without worthwhile, memorable characters then it all comes to naught. They are why we call them "character-driven stories".

So, how do we make people like our characters? Showing the reader the strengths and weaknesses, the humanity in our characters, is called characterization. In writing we have a few simple rules on how best to characterize our protagonist and company, I use many of these phrases as staples within my critiques.

The first and foremost is "Show, don't tell". This is a simple rule regarding description of scenes, action, and characters. It tells you how best to communicate to the reader what is taking place in your story. The main premise is that you want to paint a picture with your words, instead of just summarizing what happened. Instead of saying "The woman was crying", you could say "The woman fell to her knees, her dark hair falling around her face, liquid sorrow falling to the floor, her heavy sobbing coming in gasps." It's a bit more wordy, but do you see how much better you can visualize what's going on?

The next is something most writers try to avoid, something called infodumping. Infodumping is when you tell the reader a bunch of backstory at once, without context or reason. It is just a long explanation of the character's past, and it is not very fun to read. There are many reasons why we want to avoid telling people a character's backstory right up front, but for now suffice to say it is not something we want to do. Instead, writers try and show the reader the character's lives and stories through dialogue and descriptions. Give the reader only as much as they need to know in order to understand the story, keep up the mystery behind who everyone is.

Finally, one of the most important parts of a story is the dialogue. If you don't have convincing, realistic dialogue, people won't connect to your characters. Conversations need to flow in a logical, natural order. Let your characters decide where the conversation is going, don't simply use it as a way to advance your plot.

A good way to get dialogue more realistic is tell what your characters look like, what they are doing while they are speaking. Describe what their facial expressions are like, or their body language. It works wonders to both characterize and give your dialogue a natural feeling.

But before I go, I urge you to read Illusionary Nothing's guide at the top of the forum. It talks about things to avoid in RPing, but it can also be applied to writing fan fictions. And, as a new writer, be sure to avoid ubering, making your characters unrealisticly tough or capable. Flawed characters are the most interesting to read about

I have more advice, like I said, but for now try and apply the things I have said to your writing, see if you can find the specific flaws on your own. If you need help or have any questions, I am more than willing to elaborate on any of these points.

Good job so far, thanks for writing, and keep it up :goodjob:



EDIT: I knew it would happen someday.

Darkom... you just wrote a review bigger than the story you were reviewing!

You are correct I am very new at this, put I love to write as I write scripts for films and web series. If you can give me more tips and stuff that would be fantasic as I love to learn and I need to improve a lot.

Thanks for the review.

Sigged

Okay then, so darkom it would be awesome if you could give me more tips maybe through a PM.

Well, do you have anything specific that you want to ask about? I can give some more generic advice, but if you want to know anything in depth I can do that too.

I don't like to do posts that aren't constructive, so here's a tip:

Stick to one point of view, you started in first person, but then in the second part you switched to third. Either is fine, but you want to keep it consistent. Choose one and stick with it.

Also, take some time to describe what the scene looks like. I was talking about painting a picture of the scene, this is when you want to do that. As a general rule, I try to take a paragraph or two to describe the surroundings every time I switch scenes. It doesn't have to be obvious, you can show it as your character would see it. Describe a few things to get the overall feeling of the place across, people can fill in the blanks themselves.

For example, if you want to describe a tavern:

"Louis strode slowly into the inn, raising an eyebrow at the grimy surroundings. The crackling fire gave the room a soft, homely glow, casting long shadows across the room. The bare floorboards creaked under Louis' feet, one of the drunken patrons turned from his ale to look at the newcomer, dismissing the pale man in his stupor."

Not the best example, but that's what I mean. Just try and show people where your characters are before any action starts.

Thanks, let me know if you have any specific questions