Once he awakened from his deep sleep with his so called, "parents", he realized at merely the age of 10 that he didnt belong. Brislekar was his dwarf name given to him by his "parents". Although, his parents didn't have pointed ears like he did, and he was quite taller than them. At only the age of 5 he was a foot taller than his father. His father, a hunter, was born of two Dwarven parents. His mother died during child birth. Shortly after turning 7 the father watched as his father was mauled to death by a black bear. His mother, also born of two Dwarven parents, had a good childhood. Until her house burnt to the ground with both of her parents trapped inside. At the age of 11, she was an orphan. But Brislekar, he didnt look anything like his parents. He decided at the age of ten after getting into an argument with his mother and father about his real birth parents, decided to leave, for good. After gathering his Bow and Quiver that his father gave him on his 6th birthday, and other petty belongings, runs away from his dwarf parents. Merely 2 days after leaving his "home", he runs into a Dark Elf, a bandit. In great terror and fright he runs away only to get his left leg caught in a bear trap. As he hits the ground face first he starts to cry. He looks back. Blood, Dripping from his ankle. He rolls over on his back now in a pool of his own tears and blood. For no reason at all he says " Night mother." He says under his sobbing voice. "Save me!" Then passes out from blood loss and exhaustion.

He wakes up looking at a strange man. He didnt know him, he felt he soon would, but he seemed,.. peacefull. He looks down at where his ankle once bled, it was cured! No sign of the wound! Not even a scratch! The man says to him. "My name is Lucien, Lucien Lechance, you my dear boy, have prayed to the night mother. Now you must join the Dark Brotherhood." Lucien grins," EXCELLENT! Wood Elves are especially great assasins. We could use you!" "What should i do sir'? I am only of 10 years. Wait! did you say im a Wood Elf!?" The young boy replies. "Why yes I did my boy, What is your name?" "Brislekar." The young boy replies. "Brislekar!? HAHAHAHAHA!! Thats a Dwarven Name! You need an Elven name!" Lucien says with a slight chuckle in his words. "So what is my Elf name?" The young and very confused boy replies. "Well i dont quite know, Seems like you will just have to find out for yourself. Now get some sleep. You have a long day ahead of you." Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, months into years. The young boy grows into a developed 16 year old teenager when He travels to Lucien's house to continue his training. But, the day felt different. The cold chill that he usually feels in his bones was, colder, his bones felt frozen. For some strange reason, it felt good. He liked the way he felt.

As the young wood elf enters Lucien's house he says to Lucien, " Master, I am ready to begin my--" The Wood Elf looks at the normal lounge chair that Lucien usually sits in, Lucien has a giant grin on his face. "Its time, You have trained with great desire for 6 years to become one of,... US. You are now ready to shed blood for the Dark Brotherhood." "Whos Life must i end?!" The boy asks with no regret on his tounge. "There is a man by the name of Rufio, He is young, Fast, and Quick to draw his blade. However, he is aging, and is becoming slower. He has slain a sibling of the night mother and therefore deserves to die by the black hand!"

As the wood elf walks up to the Inn of Ill Omen, He sees a guard, "Passed out from a long night of drinking perhaps?" he says to himself. As the Wood Elf Walks into the Inn he askes where Rufios Room is. The owner isnt quite helpful, however he is once the Wood Elf puts his bade to his throat and threatens him with his life. "Down that hatch! Second Door on the left!" The owner says while pleading for his life. The Wood Elf walks down the ladder and heads to Rufios Room, draws his arrow, and kicks the door in. THWANGGGG! He fires his first arrow. It misses by inches. By the time he is able to pull another arrow from his quiver, Rufio is in his face, Silver Mace in hand and is in mid-swing. It seems like time freezes as he looks into Rufio's eyes and sees a man who is aging, fast, with lots of pain in sufering in his life. He cant help but think "IF this is 'SLOWER' how fast was he before!?!" As time un-freezes he sees the mace come down, striking him on the fore-head, and all of a sudden, Darkness. At the age of 22, he becomes a prisoner in the Imperial City prison.

The Wood Elf wakes up in a strange place that he had never seen before. Chains and Shackles on the walls. And a barred door. "Prison..." he thinks to himself. Very scared and confused, a feeling he hasnt felt since,... the bandit. He looks up and in the cell across from him is a Dark Elf, the bandit that he had run into 6 years earlier. He looked quite older, and more in-experienced than the last time he had seen him on the Gold Road. The Wood Elf turns to his bed and lies down. Thinking this is only just a dream and he will soon wake up in his bed in the dark brotherhood living quarters. Hours turn to days, days to months, months to years. 4 years pass and the Wood Elf walks up to his bar door now at the age of 20. In 4 years the bandit hasn't said anyhting to him. Then out of the darkness of the bandits cell, the boy sees the Dark Elf walk up to his barred door in the cell across from him, then he hears, "You're Going to die in here!"








tell me your ideas and thoughts.
btw this is an edit of one of my other tales... i edited it to make it seem more interesting and what not. so comment on what you think and give me some feedback. ^_^

oh and as for the title i meant to put Crimson Stained Rain so thats going to be the title sorry i put blood up without thinking and by the time i realized i didnt change it it was too late.

Rohugh: Title Edited

Alright, let's try this again

First off, dwarves are all extinct, and have been since 1E 700, and since Lucien isn't a vampire, he wouldn't be alive then. So the idea of him having dwarven adoptive parents is slightly...unrealistic, sorry. You can do it, I just don't recommend it when you could easily just make them some other race that is more alive.

Next, your portrayal of Lucien irks me. You can make him however you want, just remember that he is the speaker for the Dark Brotherhood, and is always very serious in game. Him making a big deal out of you being a bosmer feels a little alien to his character, as does him laughing so much. And if I were your ten year old assassin I would be scared out of my mind that this guy just saved/kidnapped me from a bandit, healed me, then laughed in my face and starts spouting nonsense about a guild I know nothing about. But that's your call.

I still don't agree with your random use of the Night Mother's name, not when there are so many other things you could use, including just having him say "Mother, save me!" Which would both be more realistic being ten year olds, even when they are mad at their parents, still cry for them. But once again, it's your story, not mine.

Hold up, twelve years? I thought it was only six? Age of twenty two? I smell an inconsistency, please do something about it, because as it is it seems that he took six years to find Rufio And the age continues as it goes on, four years in prison for assault? And Valen-Dreth didn't say anything to him that whole time, then suddenly decides it's time to talk? Please do something about some of those, they confuse me :huh:

The dialogue still has grammar errors, but they don't change what your characters are saying, so they aren't huge :grad: .

Thanks for editing, and this time please use the edit button. Good job, keep it up :goodjob:

Look.. I'm not trying to be a dike or a grammar Nazi.. But I'm very picky about grammar.. Fix that up!

Also.. The story is very strange. It doesn't grab my attention, and I can't force myself to read it fully.. Once again I'm not trying to be cruel, I'm just trying to give advice. You may want to rewrite the entire thing in a better format where the text isn't in big blocks and where you can't tell who's talking, or if there is actually anyone talking at all.

Well pretty much everything I was going to say has been said by Darkom. But I must pick up on the fact that just because you character goes ''Night mother save me'' he has to join a guild of assassins. Effectively this means that anyone in Cyrodill could just go 'Night Mother save me' and be asked to join the Brotherhood, a little strange. And people who pray to the Night Mother don't actually pray to join the DB, they pray to get someone killed.

On top of that I think the character seems a little stale and undetailed. He is a slightly too robotic for my taste, just going along with everything, expressing barely any emotion. Also the dialogue was a bit unrealistic, Lucien would not be acting like that.

But hey you'll definatly improve, and everything else is alright. Except from what Darkom said everything else is fine, so keep it up.

Another thing, your character at 5 is taller than fully grown Dwemer, Dwemer were arouno seven feet tall on average. That is a big friggin' Bosmer!

Nice stuff, but i think the dwarves should be dragons to appease Darkom95

Hmm... Looking back I now realize that my comments make me look like a jerk sometimes :sadvaultboy: So my apologies to the author for that. Usually I try to be a bit more encouraging, but I frequently don't realize how easily posts can be misinterpreted. Common mistake really, but something I really should work on in the future.

Next I must say that this is a rather old thread to be bringing back, did you consult the author beforehand? I know I wouldn't want people bringing up some of my old fan fics :blush: Besides, this kind of thing is rather frowned upon, so please refrain from doing so in the future Thanks.

EDIT: They changed the code for one of the smileys, had to fix. Thanks.