So: I thought I'd start a thread about this whole realism thing, where everyone can hopefully work out what they mean by it and stop talking at cross-purposes on other threads.
My opinions:
Firstly, I think the term 'realism' is confusing- what kind of realism? Literary realism (not necessarily 'realistic'), or verisimilitude? Realism compared to what? Are dragons more realistic than chainmail bikinis? A better term might be 'logic'. Fantasy and science-fiction writers sometimes refer to the notion of the 'secondary world' and its logic- where things that are totally impossible in our world are accepted as normal in a work of fiction- from which point one can extrapolate. I think the distinction of whether something is logical _within_ the game-world, as opposed to realistic, is a helpful one. For instance: I accept that dragons exist in TES. They just do. I do _not_ accept that female bandits living in Pale should show cleavage while robbing people on the road- not because I object to cleavage (I most assuredly do not), but because it makes no sense that bandits would voluntarily expose themselves to wounding and frostbite for the sake of said cleavage- unless they are beserkers, whose existence is (1) supported by lore (i.e. one of the 'givens' of the game-world) and (2) explicable by anology with an RL myth or culture (i.e. logical, at least according to TES's mythical sideways logic). Of course, anything which is illogical can be chalked up as one of the 'givens' of the secondary world- but in this case, we have the right to ask why it is being done this way, and to give our opinions. I think that dragons are cool, and that making women expose themselves when it runs counter to logic is offensive, gratuitous objectification. You do not have to agree with me, but I would like you to accept that it is illogical and therefore a statement for which the devs should be held accountable (note that I am not accusing the devs of anything! I'll wait to see the finished product).
Secondly, there is the issue of immersion. I think the logic of a 'secondary world' has a tendency to bleed into game mechanics, or vice versa. Modeling fighting with swords and fighting with axes as distinct skills, chosen at the beginning of the game, and modeling them as part of a single skill, developed during play, are both unrealistic, simplistic abstractions- but this kind of abstraction is necessary for the sake of practical and enjoyable gameplay mechanics. I think a lot of people forget this when they accuse Bethesda of 'dumbing down' their games (feel free to correct me if I am straw-targeting you)- we accept that X is normal and logical because it is a common trope of the genre. Perhaps better criteria for judgement would be whether X is (1) logical according to lore, and (2) enjoyable, immersive, and allows the kind of 'open-world' feeling we want.
Just my two cents.