You might have to have some Fallout 1 & 2 knowledge for this to make sense. But, Pyskers are people who were exposed to FEV, and came out with paranormal powers. All the people mentioned below are in-game, and most of them are dead. This is just an introduction, to explain the setting, and the main character. The story will start in Chapter 1.

Enjoy?


Introduction


Wiggum, Lucy, Moore, and Gideon; they all had powers beyond human ability. Wiggum was electro-kinetic. Lucy was telekenetic, and photokinetic. Moore could create and control fire. Gideon was a receiving telepathic. All of them were Psykers, and all of them died with the Master, in the Cathredral. It’s an ironic death, that Moore died by fire.

Hakunin, also a telepathic Psyker, died when the Enclave government raided, and kidnapped the residents of Arroyo. That town disappeared entirely. The last resident of that place was presumed to die in the desert, and probably eaten by cannibal Beastmasters, or fed to their wolves.

There was super mutant named Melchior that probably had the greatest ability as a Psyker. He could create animals out of thin air. Deathclaws, Mole Rats, Geckos, you name it. He died when the mine in Redding collapsed. Trapped under a rock for two weeks, and his fellow mutants couldn’t do anything for him except comfort him in his last hours. Before that, he had animals to fight for his entertainment.

If the Psykers didn’t die the way they did, they’d all be gone of old age by now. Except for Melchior of course. Mutants can live forever, especially when they can turn air into beast.

There are only two real Psykers left in the world. On of them worships a tree, and the other is a drug addicted Beastlord named Flip. His tribe of fellow Beastlord’s all died from one single thing: Food poisoning. From another human being, nonetheless. Flip was the only non-cannibal in the tribe, so he was the only survivor. The tribe was so small one person could feed them for a week.

- - -

Flip sat in a long, dark hallway, with his back against the rusted metal wall. He put a device up to his mouth, and took a long, deep breath. Afterwards, he made a sound like he was still trying to breath in, even though his lungs were full. The device was an inhaler, and it was filled with the red, goopy drug, Jet.

The drug caused Flip to not sleep in two months. It caused him serious brain damage, but he never acted or seemed different than before. No one could tell he was slowly dying. No one even knew did didn’t sleep. Flip could hardly tell, he was so lost all day. He didn’t even remember where he was.

As he sat innocently against the rusty wall, stuck in his own little world of pleasure, the silhouette of a man formed next to him. Flip, with his mouth open and drooling, looking lazily over to the man, eyes wide.

“I thought there weren’t any Beastlords left in the world”, the man said, looking at Flip’s odd choice of clothing. He was entirely covered in fur, and animal skulls. A horned animal skull was hanging down his neck, that normally used as a mask in battle. “You’ve got powers, don’t you?” The man asked, as he reached for the knife strapped to his belt.

Flip sighed, and slurred his words, “Chose what you do next carfully.” He Stumbled to his feet, with Jet container in hand. He carefully put it into a pouch hanging off the side of his belt.

With some surprising speed for the large man, a silver flash came from his hand. Before he could do anything next, a blurry shadow tackled the man to the ground with a vicious roar. The man screamed for his life, while he stabbed viciously at the giant Cougar ripping him apart.

The massive beast opened it’s jaws, and bit down powerfully on the man’s face. It’s teeth went through and into the man’s mouth, and he started to choke on his own blood pouring down his throat. He kept thrusting his knife at the Cougar, but it had no effect. With a kick jerk, the Cougar snapped the man’s neck. The sound of his skin tearing was loud.

The beast got off the man, and silently walked up to Flip, with hate in it’s eyes. Flip stared back, and the creature cowered, and backed off. It walked back into the darkness where it was hidden. The Beastlord emotionlessly stared at the bloody corpse of the man.

He sighed, and yawned, and said to himself, “I’m tired.”

You have achieved what I didn't think was Fallout possible, superpowers! Now, down to business.


As you can see, that 'a' isn't needed.



Well, skin doesn't tear from neck snappage. You would hear a pop, but it doesn't tear. You could say though, that the cougar ripped his head off.
Also, people often describe skin tearing as loud, or even audible. I know why it's done, but It is most certainly not.

Otherwise, very very good.

You might want to consider separating these two paragraphs from your introduction and the first chapter;


There are only two real Psykers left in the world. On of them worships a tree, and the other is a drug addicted Beastlord named Flip. His tribe of fellow Beastlord’s all died from one single thing: Food poisoning. From another human being, nonetheless. Flip was the only non-cannibal in the tribe, so he was the only survivor. The tribe was so small one person could feed them for a week.


Flip sat in a long, dark hallway, with his back against the rusted metal wall. He put a device up to his mouth, and took a long, deep breath. Afterwards, he made a sound like he was still trying to breath in, even though his lungs were full. The device was an inhaler, and it was filled with the red, goopy drug Jet.

There are two short paragraphs after this, then dialogue. The transition from introduction to story is so casual, it was a little jarring for me to suddenly be reading dialogue. I wasn't expecting it. I don't know if it's technically "wrong" in a writing sense, all I know is that it took me out of what you were trying to say and in writing, the author wants his readers to be at ease. That way they keep reading. Neat concepts though.

People with paranormal powers are actually canon in the Fallout series. http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Psyker All the people I mentioned are, for the most part, "real".

And, the skin tearing was merely for effect, and to add the brutal tone that should be in anything Fallout related. I wanted the reader to imagine the head being slightly torn from the torso, but not entirely. This is definitely going to be a gory, intense, fan fiction.

But thank you, very much, for the feedback! I fixed that little bit with the "a". I meant to put "a month" but changed it to "two months", just missed out on the letter. Thanks!



Thanks for pointing that out. I agree it was definitely a bit strange. I put a way of separation in between the transition.

Ahh, another great Fan Fic by The Comedian, I cannot wait for the next part!

There will be two perspectives to this story. One evil, on neutral. Enjoy!
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“You got a name, son?” A suited man of Chinese descent asked.

The masked Raider sat in silence, staring deeply into his high-class employer. He shifted in his small chair, and leaned to the right, so he could rest his elbow on the chair’s arm, and hold his face up with his fist against his cheek. The Raider took a loud breath, and stayed silent.

“Ah. You’re one of those people. I understand, sure.” The Employer said, now leaning back in his chair across a desk from the Raider, “Y’do good work, son. Better then any of my men could do.” He looked to a bodyguard standing to his right, “No offense.”

The bodyguard shrugged, and the Masked Raider grunted impatiently.

“Now, where were we?” The Employer said, “Why don’t you stand up, please.” He stood up, and motioned for the Raider to do the same, “Come now.” The Raider listened, and sloppily stood with a slouch. The Employer continued, “Tell me, Laughing Man, what’s so special about you? Why are you so expensive?”

The Laughing Man – Aptly named by his “Comedy” Mask – lifted his arms out, and stood silently, as black tentacle-like limbs burst through the skin of his arm, oozing a black liquid at the breaking points. The black limbs wiggled around, before being svcked back into his arms.

The Employer laughed hard, “Is that what you do? You can grow tentacles to do your bidding?”

The Laughing Man shook his head, as his mask started to morph into the Emplyers own face. The Laughing Man took the advantage of his name, and started to laugh hysterically, with the stolen Chinese man’s face. The skin started to rot, and the teeth started to yellow, and break apart. The eyes fell from their sockets, and turned into two little piles of mush at the Laughing Man’s feet.

The Employer gulped, and took an uneasy look, which the Laughing Man suddenly copied. Shaking his head, he understood just what the Raider was capable of. The power of fear.

- - -

Flip laid in bed, bored, trying to sleep all though he knew it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. He laid there, for hours, the entire night, just staring at the wall, trying his hardest to fall asleep. Nearly six hours into the pathetic attempt to sleep, he got out of the bed with the desire for more Jet.

He reached into his pouch, which was now on the ground next to him, and pulled out an empty inhaler. His eyes widened, and he started to shake. With a deep breath, he calmed down a little bit, and instantly left the house to search for a dealer.

He pulled the helmet from around his chest, and put it over his head. It fit perfectly, and was even cushioned on the inside, even though it was an animal skull. Flip didn’t even know where it came from, just that it definitely wasn’t human. The horned went a foot into the air, and twisted like a double helix.

Through the eye slits, he could barely see that was in a brightly lit city. The helmet took away most of his peripheral vision, and was rarely even worn to begin with. He looked in front of him, and read the bright neon shine. It read “Shark Club”, and underneath it, written poorly on a piece of metal, “Biggest and best Casino in New Reno!”

He continued down the street, sticking out like a sore thumb in his Tribal clothing and dark skin. Everyone else there was dressed in nice suits, and had pale skin. Each one of the suited people were accompanied by a bodyguard, or multiple mercenaries. New Reno was a dangerous place, but it was easy to strike it rich.

It was also easy to hit rock bottom, like Flip did.

His common dealer was Jagged Jimmy J., who always stood at the entrance of New Reno, trying to svcker people into buying his Jet. Because Jagged Jimmy was one of the few people that knew what Flip was capable of, he knew now to water down his Jet with random liquids. Flip came up to Jimmy after just a few minutes of walking, and Jimmy caught sight of him.

“Oh, Flipper! Out of Jet already, man? Well good thing you’ve got a friend like me, to supply you with the good stuff! Only the best for my good pal, Flip!” Jagged Jimmy J. said with some great enthusiasm.

“You’re damn right, Jimmy.” Flip said, reaching into his all purpose pouch again, pulling out a handful of bottle caps.

Jimmy snatched the caps from Flip’s hand, and smiled. He gave Flip two full containers of Jet, which Flip soon inhaled from.

“Yo, Flip, I gotta ask. Where did you get all these caps?” Jimmy asked.

Flip coughed a some Jet, and said “Cougar.”

Good stuff here. Both sections held my interest till the end, both sections descriptive without being bogged down with description. Section one is creepy-as-hell, and two has the sense of the dismal. It seems that the protagonist has a Jet problem. Fun!

Eager for more. :thumbsup:

Great chapter Comedian, the first part was awesome.

Sorry I haven't posted a new chapter, Gents. I've been a bit busy lately, but I'll make sure to put one up ASAP.