As I touched the pulsing, pure blue amulet that was strung around my neck, I realized what being a Listener really meant. I will actually talk to the Night Mother! Every week! I also saw Sithis every two weeks, when I make my turns to deliver the Dread souls that I carry in the ? wait, no, my - Dread Amulet, to fill his mighty hunger.

The Amulet also granted me powers; it increased my strength, and also pushed my magicka reservoirs to the limit. It also had an enchantment that creates a magical barrier that absorbs magic attacks, almost completely, she said. The Night Mother also taught me a spell called "Midnight's Run". It allows me to completely blend in with my surroundings - much like a chameleon ? for about a minute.

I left the old, dusty crypt of the Night Mother into the cold, crisp (and partially smelly) air of a Bravil night. I passed Chana Mona, who hopefully didn't notice my blacker-than-black robes, slight light coming from my chest and quicker-than-normal pace.

I was walking to The Lonely Suitor Lodge, the cheaper of the two Bravil inns (I was spending a little too much money lately, and I thought I would try to compensate for that). My leather sandals swished and swashed on the sand and cobblestone, as my long, silver hair was being whipped about.

I quickly opened the door and escaped the cold, immediately greeted with a warm smile and "hello" by the Innkeeper, Bogrum Gro-Galash, who was finishing wiping off the tables and pushing in the askew chairs.

"One room, please," I said, as I quickly walked to the rough and knotted wood counter. He smiled, and quickly rummaged a brown blotched iron key out of his pocket, while I took a few gold coins from the stained bag attached to my waist - virtually hidden by my pitch black robes acquired a few minutes earlier - and threw them on the counter, his eyes glinting as he pocketed them.

He began to polish his mugs when he said; "Up the stairs, last one on the right."

"Thanks," I mumbled, nodding to him.

I took the sagging stairs up to a long hallway, covered with a faded rug and a table on the left side, which had a flower vase and some guide books to large cities. I walked to the last door on the right side of the hallway, surprised that this tiny inn hosted this many rooms. I reached my room, protected by a wooden door enforced with thick metal. I inserted the key into the lock and turned, fumbling with the brass handle and eventually walking in.

It was a small ? but cozy ? room that was lighted by a single candle on an iron stand. I also noticed a chest and a dresser. I riffled in the chest, finding a few spare coins that someone must have forgot, and put in my Daedric dagger Bloodlight,

I lay down in the bed, the old and tattered sheets and blanket wrapped around my cold body ? they surprisingly still retained heat - and embraced me in a comforting warmth. I turned to the streaking window and slept to the sound of my favorite noise.

Boy, was I for a surprise.


OOC: Be as harsh as possible. This is my first fanfic and I really want to be better at writing.

So far nothing but a retelling of the game. You use a lot of detail that is not vital to the story.

Partially smelly air? What does that mean?

Hope you have a plot planned, because so far you are just describing the listener. As to the so far piece, try expressing his emotions more, flashback to the actual time he got the robes a little, etc. Unless this all takes place in the present, feel free to express his thoughts, memories, feelings, and so on. His suspicion that the inkeeper might be on to him, anything.

Really, so far all we can comment on is you describing things, there is no plot yet. Keep painting this guys life for a bit, so we know roughly who he is, then go into the action. Maybe even tell a bit about the antagonist, unless you want to keep the single point of view.

Stories start with the characters normal lives, then it moves into something strange or dynamic, depending on what kind of story you write. Then make the protagonist overcome some of his weaknesses, especially those exploited by the antagonist, and continue like so. These are all on the internet, try searching screenplay too, movies behave in much the same way.

Keep going with the story, and I promise to keep reading ^^.

See all the describing of what the character is doing isn't too bad, but a big problem is that we know next to nothing about his personality except that he is the Listener, and we don't know he feels in any situation. It also feels a little to descriptive at some points. "I passed Chana Mona", for example is unecessary to tell and how would the character know her name anyway, remember you're writing from the characters point of view, not yours. I also don't understand how you could 'see' Sithis every two weeks, as he is the void. On another note you seem to be describing items and spells as you would see them in the game, like I said your character doesn't know the effects like that, so perhaps they should of been described slightly differently.

Though I think my largest criticism would be the fact that your writing just seems to be a list of events, with nothing in between. Therefore making it a bit repetative and mundane to read. Nonetheless it is your first time writing a fan-fic and you still did okay, and with time you will improve greatly and become better at writing. So don't give up, just take heed of the advice given from Peleus, Darkom and my self, especially their advice as they write some excellent fan-fics.

Just keep it up man, it will definatly improve .