Please leave a comment! I like to get feedback and support.

(Please note that any stories I release now and in the future will be based off my own fictional world, rarely the real one of fallout. The NCR is the primary faction in the world. They have the most money, weapons and soldiers available. The Brotherhood of Steel is the NCR's worst enemy. With the Enclave slowly on the rebound on the East coast pushing west, the Brotherhood of Steel could not handle the NCR and the Enclave effectively resulting in its downfall. Super Mutants have increased in number dramatically and now fight with The Legion and NCR forces. The Legion have other enemies as well. The Boomers launch air raids constantly on Legion Forces causing them to lose many but seem to have three men to replace every one that falls. The Kings have made an underground resistance to destroy the NCR and its allies back west. Each Main Character will be based off each Faction (Totaling 4-5 stories)

This is a mystery/action series to be known as Terror's Truth Series. This is the first story.

The story is about Dylan Orion. A 19 year old teen who signed up for the NCR after they attacked his town and slain his mother. Dylan hopes to find out who did this and bring them to justice only to find out the person he seeks is someone he least's expects. As he digs deeper, he finds out that the NCR has darker plans for the wasteland as well. This is Red Dawn.

Red Dawn
Prologue

Three Years Ago

I opened my eyes to a green field of sunflowers,coated with a slight dew from last nights shower. The smell of grass filled my nostrils with the scents of nature. I look around to realise it was my old town where I grew up. I walked up the road to the town, slowly realising I can smell fresh cookies from Ol Miss Tiborns house. I ran up the road have the smell go from cookies to the smell of smoke and death. I looked around to see people run through the street in terror as Troops wearing Riot Armor and a Logo of a bear on there shoulders had them lined up against the wall...and shot. I began to turn around and run when a heavy force hit me in the back of the head. Dazed, I slowly turned over to see a soldier with a Riot Helmet looking down at me aiming a Service Rifle at me. "Put your hands on your head kid!"

Current

"Registration Papers please?" Asked a lady who was certainly irritated from me zoning out.

I looked around and noticed I was back in the lobby of the NCR Transportation Hub.

"Uh, yeah here you go" I replied as I pulled out my papers and handed them to the woman.

The woman took the papers and scanned them through a machine.

"Whats your position,rank and deployment sir?."

I closed my eyes as I recalled what the CO told me to say: "Private Dylan Orion, Light Infantry Division, Second Battalion, Archimedes Squad."

The lady looked at her computer and typed in a few things while chewing on some gum. "Alright, go to East Wing, 2nd Dock, Your heading off to New Vegas."

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So tell me what you think and I might release the First Chapter.

I know, I just did not want to release a full chapter (I have to retype all of it from the paper, like I said I got a B+) and have it not get read or received little encouragement and so on. I will release the 1st chapter in a couple of minutes.

Don't worry about that. There are a good few people here who pretty much make a point of reading and commenting on everything. I'm not quite one of them but I get relatively close.

The premise seems interesting. I'm kind of confused if this is supposed to be Pre or Post War. The first paragraph with lovely green grass, baking fresh cookies, and dew all seems to be Pre War...but the NCR didn't exist Pre War. The second seems to be Post War though and makes perfect sense.

Should be interesting anyway. I'll happily read it and see what comes of his being drafted.

Chapter One: Violet

I hefted up my Duffle Bag into the storage unit above my chair aboard the Metro Train that was secretely ran by the NCR for Troop Movement, Supplies and general Medical situations. I looked around making sure I didint misplace anything.

"Are you lost?" asked a girl's voice from behind me.

I turned around to see a young girl with a medic symbol on her shoulder.

"Uh no, just making sure I was set".

The girl giggled a little and relaxed. "Am just messing with you, here come sit next to me".

The girl moved over closer to the window and moved her medic bag underneath her seat. I slowly got into the seat next to the girl.

The girl was young, about the same age as me, with blue eyes and blonde hair. Her face was small as well as her nose. Her skin was slightly tanned but weathered looking from experience in the field.


"So, what do you do" I asked her.

She adjusted the strap on her medical belt while speaking "I am a field medic for the Light Infantry Division."

The girl looked up and noticed the look on my face of surprise. "What did I say?"

I fumbled around for my papers and handed them to her. She pushed her hair out of her face and peered at the papers. "Oh, were in the same unit together."

She handed back the papers and went back to fixing the strap on her belt.

I peered around me to see who was onboard. A couple of soldiers further up the aisle were flirting with two young girls who must have just joined the NCR. I looked behind me to see a soldier dozing off against the window. I looked back at the medic girl who was now staring at the seat in front of her.

"My name is Dylan. Dylan Orion by the way"

The girl looked at me and smiled "Violet. Violet Steel"

"Steel?" I asked. Ain't that a little Brotherhood?".

The girl then got a serious look and stared at the floor.

"My mother was a Paladin in the Brotherhood of Steel in Washington D.C. She escaped when the Enclave mortared the Fortified Pentagon there with Artillery. She married a NCR Officer who had no knowledge of her alliance which she kept to herself. After 9 months, I was born."

"Oh." I said somewhat quietly.

"How about you?" Violet asked.

I leaned my head back against the seat and sighed.

"I was born in North Dakota. The town I lived in was wiped out by a NCR Raiding squad."

I looked over and noticed the Violet had a sad look on her face.

"What happened with you?" she asked.

I looked at the floor and thought about it. "I was arrested by one of the NCR and took to a NCR Correctional Facility."

Violet got quiet and rested her hair against the seat. Almost copying her, I rested my head as well and fell into a dark haunting sleep.

I was going to mention it later of why it was like that but I shall explain quickly. The beginning is a alternate version of the NCR. The NCR in this story began in North Dakota where a G.E.C.K was used to teraform the landscape back into a pre-war view. The NCR in this are a bit more brutal as they try to maintain order in the now settled West.

If you have questions, I will fill you in.

Hmmm, intresting, I will have to review this and see if there is anything off about it...

But otherwise, good job. :ribbon:

Cherishes the ribbon dearly. "My Precious..."

IT MUST BE CAST INTO THE PIT OF FIRE!

bliviongate:

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! :bonk:

Ok back on the story, less OCC.

Editorial Bump :spotted owl:

Hello, Skuller. I cannot talk much because my mom got home but I read both the intro and the first chapter, both good. I see alot of potential from this, and wish my teachers gave the the chance to make my own artwork instead of handing me rules and guidelines with a DO IT stamped on the front. Ugh.

Alright, as far as the first chapter, make sure you think out the technical thinks as well. I noticed Danny smelled cookies at first only to have it clouded by the burning smoke from one of the houses. A transition between that would be much appreciated.

Also, in the first chapter, you included the dialogue between many characters, but Ytt touched on the kinks with that. All I could add is the addition of an atmosphere. Like describing what the place looks like as well as the people, to make them seem more than just cardboard cutouts with names.

I'm reading, so keep writing.

Dang, I look forward to it.

Also, I would like it if you guy's can start putting any grammar issues or concerns inside my mailbox. I think people who see nothing but error reply's to be pushed away from the story. Thanks in advance!

Am very proud of this chapter cause I edited it myself because my "Editor-In-Chief" went clubbing -_-.

Chapter 2: Camp Mcarran

"Put your hands on your head kid!" yelled the NCR Soldier who's voice was slightly masked in part to the soldiers Riot Helmet.

I stared at the soldier with bared teeth. A man in a fitting officer uniform approached the soldier and holstered his pistol. "Who is this person private?"

The soldier turned towards the officer and saluted. "Sir, this child was trying to get away sir."

The man looked down at me and smiled. "Well then, get him up and take him to the prisoner truck."

The soldier lifted me up off the ground and began to drag me towards the truck. I tried pulling away from the soldier but my head was still throbbing from the hit on the head. As I was being dragged to the truck, I looked over at the execution wall. Five people were lined up against the wall. They all had there heads bowed and was covered in dirt and blood.

One of them was very familiar, she had brown hair and was wearing a dirty dress. The person seemed to feel like she was being watched and turned her head to see me. It was at that moment I realised who it was. It was my own mother, and she was on death row.

I struggled more against the soldier and tried to pull away. "Get off me! My mother didint do anything!" Adrenaline started to pump through my veins.

The soldier took out a stun baton and raised it. "Kid, you better knock it off or the next thing your going to be is at that wall next to your mother."

I was able to get free long enough to turn and and kick the soldier in the gut. The soldier, now surprised by the sudden attack, went sprawling. I picked up the stun baton and ran towards my mother, my eyes starting to cloud up with emotions as I dodged soldiers and race towards her.

As I neared her, I suddenly heard a weapon fire and hot intense pain went up my leg to what felt like my brain. I dropped the baton and collapsed to the ground. I was so close to her! I crawled along the ground towards my mother who's eyes were now filled with tears as she watched her own son suffer pain.

"Dont do this son, please." she begged.

I looked up and noticed a soldier aiming a pistol at the back of her head while looking at me. I suddenly felt very hot and began to get up. The soldier, chuckled to himself and cocked the pistol. I began to run towards him when the shot went off. Blood burst out from my mothers head and the now lifeless corpse, collapsed to the ground. I crawled as fast as I could to her corpse and looked at her.

"Mom? Please, dont leave me!"

The officer walked up and grabbed me by my neck collar. "Your coming with us, knock it off."

"Dylan, wake up!"

I looked around and noticed the train was entering a train station. I looked at Violet and noticed something was wrong. Her eyes were wide and she had a worried look on her face.

I sat upright in the seat. "Whats the matter?"

She looked at me for a few seconds and then wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"You were talking and moving a bit in your sleep. Is that what happened in your town?"

I bit my lip and for the first time realised I was sweating and slightly shaking from the dream. Before I could say anything, the loudspeaker above crackled to life.

"Welcome to Sector 6, New Vegas."

Violet reached under the seat and picked up her medical bag. "Come on, I know where to go."

I reached above and pulled out my duffle bag, it felt heavier than I remember. Either that or I was slightly weak from the nightmare.

I walked up the stairs to the surface where all the troops were unloading the gear. Once again, the loudspeakers crackled to life

"All new personnel, please report outside to be placed in your squad's tent."

"Tents? Why cant we have a hotel?" I said amusingly.

Violet looked at me with a concerned look. "Maybe you should consult Camp Mcarran's counselor."

"Why should I do that?" I asked with a tint of annoyance
"It might make you feel better."
"Am not one for talking about feelings."
"Well, atleast think about it ok?"
I alternated standing on one foot. "Alright, I will."

We walked into the main hub of what seemed to be a airport terminal's main lobby. There was troops here and there milling about. I looked around the terminal and took in my surroundings. First off, the terminal was dark. Am not talking about dark as in like emo, am talking about as in I can't see a [censored] thing outside fifteen feet of me. It was also dirty. Trash was littered all over the place and I noticed there was a slight smell of rotting food somewhere. I walked towards the entrance and pushed open the door. I instantly squinted from the bright light outside.

I walked over to a lieutenant and saluted him. "I am looking for my tent sir."

The lieutenant looked down at a booklet and flipped some pages.

"Name?" asked the lieutenant without looking up from the book.

"Mom? Please dont leave me!"

"Hey soldier, snap out of it."

I snapped back to reality and looked at the lieutenant, who was now watching me intently.

"Oh uh, Dylan Orion sir."

The officer shrugged and flipped through some of the pages. "Alright, follow me."

The officer and me walked between rows of tents on what appeared to be the airport's runway. We approached a tent and opened the flap. The officer ushered me in and followed. I noticed four soldiers who were sitting at a table playing some card game. The officer cleared his throat

"Sergeant Ryan."

One of the soldiers looked up and smiled. "Is this our replacement?"

The officer walked over and looked at the card game. "Yes he is and I think you should get him settled now sergeant. It would be better then playing Caravan."

The sergeant chuckled and got up. I went to salute him but stopped when he gave me a "You got to be kidding" look.

"Alright kid I ha-"

"My name is Dylan sir. Dylan Orion" I said, interrupting the soldier.

The soldier looked at me for a few seconds and chuckled.

"Ok. Dylan Orion, I have a few rules in my tent. One, dont interrupt me ever again. Two, keep your bed and area clean. Third and finally, respect us and we will respect you. Got it?"

"I understand" I replied.

The soldier pointed to a messy bed, covered in empty nuka-cola's and beer bottles. "That's your bed, keep it clean."

I walked over to the bed and put my duffle bag underneath it and sighed. It was at the moment my eyes widened and I remembered something. I dont know where Violet went.

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I hope you enjoyed it and please remember, any concerns or comments on my grammar can be put into my mailbox.

Also, if you are enjoying my story and would like sneak previews of the next chapter, ask some questions and be alerted when the next chapter comes out. Just send me a message and I will add you as a friend. Thanks!

Nice post. I sent a PM, but nice work.

I like what you did with the flashbacks and with the kid being less then bullet proof. A lot of people make their characters super tough because they think it makes them more interesting, but it doesn't. You showed a bit of vulnerability and it makes your character more relate-able and thus more interesting.

One thing though, make sure you keep your soldiers as they ought to be. They'd be highly unlikely to put up with the kid's response to being called kid.

Ryan is a laid back soldier. His squad is like um...Bad Company xD. But thank you for the comment

Alright, so I looked over my draft sheet stored on my computer and edited some things. Please look over the most current chapter and tell me if you like that style.

Changes include:

• Italics for Flashbacks
  
• Plain Text for Body and Dialogue
  
• More detail in "Quick Sentences"

I like this, keep it coming! I'll leave the corrections to the professionals since I'm not good with grammar and such I like the story though and I love the NCR, probably my second favorite faction in the Fallout Universe.

Chapter 3 will be released in 2-3 days. Sorry for the wait but editing is crucial right now xD.

This is why people who write books for a living put dialog in a new paragraph, makes it easy for the reader to tell it from the action (also use new paragraphs for when someone else is talking, makes it easy for the reader to tell who is talking and who is listening)

But it makes it look funny in a way.

(Narration,Narration,Narration)
(Narration,Narration,Narration)
(Narration,Narration,Narration)
(Narration,Narration,Narration)

(Talk,Talk,Talk)
(Talk,Talk,Talk)
(Talk,Talk,Talk)

(Narration,Narration,Narration)
(Narration,Narration,Narration)
(Narration,Narration,Narration)
(Narration,Narration,Narration)

It looks like a script almost. You can go ahead and write a story with that style and see how that works. All I can say is to read Jewel of the Mojave by Colonel Martyr http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1145934-the-gem-of-the-mojave/ as he used the plain text method too.

No. He's right. It's something I also recommend. It's looks way nicer and easier to read and most people do it. Jewel of the Mojave is a good story, but honestly I think you should space out the dialogue. I found Jewel of the Mojave harder to read because of that, course I have a short attention span, so eh. My advice, space it out.

I will look at my draft sheet and try the style but I think it looks funny.

I had some time to get grammar checking done by my writing teacher and my mom who each had there own thoughts so it made correction's difficult. I did try a new style to see how people liked it and this is it. For those who are wondering, the first couple of chapters are slow so I can introduce the members and get everything right. The next chapter will be more fast paced so dont fret.

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Chapter 3: Archimedes Squad

I picked up the last beer bottle and put it into the trash can. "Finally, I'm done." I said as I stretched. Sgt. Ryan looked up from his game of Caravan and turned towards me.

"Wow, it took you 25 minutes" he points out.

I turned around and sighed.

"There was broken glass in the pillow case and underneath the bed."

"Still took 25 minutes."

"So? What do I have to do now?"

Ryan scratches his chin in thought. He gets up and pulls a key out of his pocket and walks over to a locked case. He gets on one knee and opens the case and pulls out a Assault Carbine and three magazines of 5mm ammo. He hands them out to me and grins.

"Try not to shoot your own guys alright? Frank will give you some pointers."

I smiled and grabbed the rifle plus the three magazines and strapped them to my NCR Vest. Ryan looks me over and gives me the ok signal. Ryan looks over at one soldier sitting at the caravan table.

"Hey Frank, take the rookie to the Firing Range and get him up to date."

One soldier, a small frame male with blonde hair, pale skin and glasses gets up and walks over to a locker and opens it. He pulls out a AA-Series Marksman Rifle and three magazines as well. He puts the magazines into magazine slots on his belt and holsters the rifle. He walks over to me and puts out his hand.

"Sup man, names Frank."
I smiled and shook his hand. "Dylan. Dylan Orion."

Ryan coughs and opens the flap of the tent. "Ok guys, get out of here already. The pleasantries are getting old"

Frank gives me the hand signal to follow, and we walked outside into the brightness again. I followed Frank towards the firing range as he spoke.

"Alright, you know where the safety is on the rifle right?"
I looked as him with slight annoyance. "Even though I am young does not mean I am stupid."
Frank stopped where he was and laughed. "You kids and your so called intelligence."

I sighed and shook my head in a slight agreement. Frank gave a warm smile and continued walking. After a couple of minutes of going between, around and through some tents we reached the firing range. Let me remind you that the NCR has a lot of money. The problem? I do not think a single cent goes towards training. The firing range consisted of brick walls around eight to 12 feet high and the mannequins are actually mannequins used to show off clothes during pre-war times. A soldier, most likely 25-28 years old, was standing behind a two foot tall brick line shooting a 9mm Pistol like a pro. Every shot hit right between the eyes. I looked at Frank who rolled his eyes and led me to a table.

Frank took off his Marksman Rifle and its magazines and placed them on the table.

"Have you ever fired a weapon before?" asked Frank.
For the first time since I got here I laughed. "Only during training, it was with a service rifle."
"Service Rifles? svcks for you cause they are handing those out to the new guys tomorrow."

I looked down and pointed at the Marksman Rifle laying on the table. "Is that yours?"
Frank turned around and picked up the rifle. "Yeah, they issued it to me cause I did well at the firing ranges here and beat Lieutenant Tony."
"Lieutenant Tony?" I asked
Frank sighed and nodded. "He is our CO here along with General Hsu."

I thought about the name Hsu. Who on God's green earth would be named Hsu? I unstrapped my Assault Carbine and also unstrapped one 5mm magazine.

"Are there any other ammo types here?" I ask as Frank was checking the Marksman Rifle's scope.
"Yeah, we have Hollow Points, Armor Piercing and Standard rounds. We also have low quality surplus ammo but due to that quality you have to clean the gun's insides or it's prone to jam."

I nodded and loaded the magazine into the rifle. The clicking sound of the magazine being locked into place gave me a feeling of power and security. Frank brought the marksman rifle up to his shoulder and aimed down the scope. I turned towards the mannequin waiting to see how this weapon fires. A couple of seconds later, Frank pulls the trigger.

A vision of a woman's dead body with a bullet hole in her head appeared.

Frank looked at me and frowned. "Hey Dylan, you don't look so good."

I shook my head and looked at Frank.

"Sorry man, I think the sound made me jump a little."

Frank nodded and looked down the sights again preparing another shot. The loudspeakers came to life and an old sounding person came on.

"Hello and good afternoon. This is Mr. New Vegas here, I hope you are all enjoying your time out there in the wasteland and I hope you are staying safe. Here is some music to help you relax."

The music was soft and enjoyable. I did not know the song but wished it would never end. I looked around and noticed a lot of the NCR troops were heading into their tents and shutting the flaps.

Frank noticed this as well and frowned. "[censored] it must be curfew. Let's head back to the tent and get you ready for tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?" I asked

"Your first day on patrol."

someone psychologically screwed up having hallucinations, how original, w/e i sense some action in the next one, that should be good