» Sat Mar 08, 2014 3:14 am Notes on the story and such:
Anyway, comments and constructive criticism on my writing are welcome. Right now I'm only up to chapter three, but I'll post the prologue and chapter one to see how readers respond so I can get some feedback on my writing style, I'll warn it's not the best writing, but it's free fan fiction, so you get what you paid for. (P and Ch.1 are a bit slow, but in 2 I incorporate more conflicts in his personality and will try to enrich on it as he experiences each new thing.)
A side note: I will try to follow general story and dialogue, but will take liberties to add an independent reading experience for the story. For example, the prologue is partly new and partly reposting dialogue where as at other times it may be a conversation that flows with different words but same points being made. Anyway, I hope you will all at least enjoy this as I update it. Also, I'll TRY to keep each chapter coloured so you can nagivate it easily, but if I forget, remind me and I'll colour the chapter heading for you.
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Prologue
Justin wiped the sweat from his brow as the unforgiving Mojave sun bared down on him. He stopped for a moment, taking a rest and taking a sip of precious water from the Vault 13 canteen he’d purchased back in The Hub. He’d just passed Goodsprings’ big hill and sat on a rock to rest his aching limbs. As he took a seat, he dug into the pocket jacket, pulling the Platinum Chip and delivery notice out. He read it over once more and stowed the note. ‘Queer thing, this chip. I wonder why anyone would go to such trouble getting a trinket to them.’ He gave a shrug, ‘Then again, I’ve delivered weirder things.’ Justin frowned, remembering the bottle of Brahmin urine he’d been paid to deliver to New Reno. He put the chip back into his coat’s inner briast pocket when he jumped at the sound of rocks falling. His heart became skittish as three Khans stepped from the grouping, followed by a man in a checked coat.
Justin knew he was outmatched and instinctively got up with his hands in the air. “I’ve got a few caps, here, you can have them.” He made to reach for the small bag but the darker skinned Khan aimed a 9mm submachine gun at him, encouraging him to cancel that plan. The guy in the checked suit gave a laugh as if this was funny, “I don’t want your caps. It’s the Chip you’re carrying that I want, baby.” Two of the Khans grabbed his arms as Benny rifled through his pockets, finding the Chip. “Ring-A-Ding Ding, boys. We got what we were looking for.” He flashed the chip, glinting in the sun and a glinting smile to match. “But I-“Justin didn’t have time to protest as he was hit hard across the back of the skull, his legs buckling as he lost vision. He groaned in pain and fell face forward into the dirt.
The sun was setting in hues of oranges, reds and purples as the lights of Vegas were coming into focus as Justin awoke, his vision clearing from blur as he overhead a gruff voice. “You got you were after, so pay up!” The other voice, the checked suited man, sounded dismissive of the man, “You’re crying in the rain, pally.” His heart raced when he saw the grave in front of him as another voice announced he was awake, “Guess who’s waking up over here.” The man in the coat extinguished a cigarette under his shoe, puffing one last smoke of his cigarette, “Time to cash out. Justin was fearful then, afraid of his grave before him. “Wait! We can work this out! I…I won’t tell anyone! I swear!” he pleaded, hands bound in front of him appealing for mercy. All sound became empty noise as he saw his death looming ever closer. When the world came back into focus for him, the guy had pulled the chip out once more. “You’ve made your last deliver, kid.” He put the chip back into his coat and continued, flashing a shining 9mm pistol in exchange. “Sorry you got twisted up in this scene. From where you’re kneeling must look like an 18-Karat run of bad luck.” Justin’s heart was trying to rip his ribs out to make a run for the hills as the man aimed the pistol at Justin. A futile gesture, Justin extended his hands in silently fearful pleading once more. “Truth is, the game was rigged from the start.” The last thing he saw was a hail of bright light and darkness. His life was before him, his right and wrongs, kind and mean words. A light hovered over him. “Father,” he murmured softly, “I’m sorry…I tried….you can take me now…”
Chapter One: Awakening Redemption
Light burned his eyes as his vision came true. “Father?” Justin whispered hoarsely. A gentle voice replied back in a sort of amusemant. “Not quite, no.” The man helped sit him up, “Careful now, you’ve been out cold now a couple days. I’m Doc Mitchell. Welcome to Goodsprings, Justin.” Justin looked down in confusion, “How…How do you know my name?” Doc Mitchell smiled and held out the delivery notice. Justin put his head in his hands, his right pointer and middle finger grazed a small tear in his forehead. “Did you do this, Doctor?” The doctor seemed modest about it, “Sure, but if anyone saved you, it was Victor. If it wasn’t for him, you’d be dead now.” Justin winced in pain from headache and confusion as he sighed and tried to collect himself on his bed. “Who is ‘Victor’?” he asked in an exhausted and parched voice. “That’d be the big metal fella out rolling about town, can’t miss him.” Justin couldn’t hold it back any longer, “Doc, I…I need water. So thirsty…” The doctor nodded quietly and came back with a bottle of water. Justin greedily began to down it as the doctor tried to protest, “No wait, you haven’t eaten or drank anything in days you-” Doc Mitchell was interrupted as Justin vomited the water back up.
“Oh Jesus, I’m so sorry Doc.” Justin apologized profusely, feeling bad for it happening. “No worries, I tried to warn you. But I reckon you’ll be wanting to get out of here as quick as you can. So let’s expedite that.” The doctor picked up a folded pile of clothes, pistol, a canteen and a Pipboy 3000. “Wait, doc, this Pipboy isn’t mine.” Mitchell laughed, “It was mine, but I think you’ll need it more than I do. After all, I didn’t get shot in the head and left in a shallow grave.” Justin smiled at the sight of his Vault 13 armor. Though not a resident of that Vault, he found it in The Hub and had to buy it, after hearing and reading all the fables of the Vault Dweller. He put the armor on piece by piece. “Thank you for saving my life, Doc. I promise you I will repay the debt I owe you and this town. Somehow, I will.” Mitchell seemed to take it as an empty promise and dismissively waved it off, “Just try not to get shot anymore. If you’re bent on finding out more, I’d say go to Primm. Roads north have been dangerous lately, so most people are like as not to go south, loop east through Nipton then north to NoVac.” Justin quietly nodded, holstering his weathered old 10mm pistol, supposedly also from Vault 13, and made for the door to go into town.
Justin raised his hands to the sun as it burned bright as anything he could recall. As his eyes slowly came to focus, he noticed the ‘big metal fella’ that must have been Victor rolling up the road his way. Justin approached warily, in unsure what kind of robot it was. “Hi. I’m Justin; Doc Mitchell says you were the one who saved me?” The robot waved an arm, “Shucks, don’t mention it. I’m always happy to lend a helping hand to a stranger in need, and might I say you’re looking fit as a fiddle by the way.” Justin then began to question Victor on whom the people who’d ambushed him were. Justin rubbed his hands in contemplation as Victor told him all he could. “Well, thank you Vic. I need to mull some things over with a drink. I’ll head over to that bar there up the road. Thank you again for saving me, Victor.”
The barstool was comfortable as Justin quietly brooded over everything that had happened as he listened to the radio in the other room. When he looked at the mirror behind the bar, he barely recognized the man in the mirror. A dark brown beard had grown where clean shaven features were and his once well oiled and combed hair was mangled and disheveled. His thoughts on his appearance were interrupted when a voice behind him broke into his thoughts. “I’m done playing nice, if you don’t hand Ringo over, me and my friends are razing this town to the ground. Got me?” Justin didn’t look behind him, but looking in the mirror showed a man behind him threatening a woman. She handled herself though and the guy went out of the bar in a hurry.
The woman had gone behind the bar, looking at her, she was plainly dressed, plain features. She didn’t stand out in anyway, perfect for a small town. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen you around here before. Who might you be?” Justin looked up, his eyes meeting hers, “Me?” He asked quietly, pointing at himself. She gave a laugh, “Well, there ain’t anyone behind you, so yeah, you.” Justin forced a smile to hide his discomfort. “I’m Justin, Doc Mitchell and that guy Victor helped save me. I’m just trying to enjoy this new lease on life is all.” She was taken aback, “That was you? Way I heard it, you didn’t seem to be coming back to the land of the living. I’m Trudy, proprietor here of the Prospector Saloon. Can I get you anything?” Justin looked at the booze in temptation, but remembered he still needed something that’d hydrate him. “Some cold water would do me fine and some information if you can.”
Trudy put the glass of water on the table, “What information can I get you, Justin?” Justin drank the water slowly this time, “What can you tell me about Ringo and what do you know about a guy in a checked suit?” Trudy gave a shrug. “Ringo’s a caravan driver who got held up and decided to fight back against the Powder Gangers, now he’s holed up in the old Poseidon gas station. Looks like Goodsprings might get pulled into this ugliness between those two. Why? Thinking you might help him?” Justin raised his eyebrows for a moment, “Thinking about it. I do owe this town a debt, maybe I can help keep him safe and pay back the debt I owe this town for being saved from death. Now, about the man in the suit?” Trudy made a look of curdled Brahmin milk at the mention, “Him and his ‘buddies’ were freeloading jerks that caused me trouble. When I didn’t give them any free drinks, they paid and ‘accidentally’ knocked my radio to the floor.” Justin was intrigued by this, as he was fond of tinkering with machines, “Might I see your radio and a toolbox?” She slid the radio over to him and brought up a tool box for him. After unscrewing the old Radiation King radio, he found the fall knocked the transistor loose, an easy repair. He tightened it in place and the radio came to life almost at once. “There you go, Trudy. Good as new.” He sealed the panel as Trudy pushed a small bag of caps his way. “Here, that’s thirty caps for you trouble.” Justin was delighted by this, “Wow, it was no trouble, but thank you all the same. It’s an easy repair.” He picked up the glass finishing the last of it, “Anyway, I think I should get going. I think Ringo is going to need all the help he can get, Goodsprings too.” He groaned as he got off his seat and exited the bar and into the afternoon sun, heading for the gas station Trudy pointed him towards.
