» Mon May 07, 2012 11:10 pm
3E 432[REVERSE-GRADIENT] Administrative and Excise-Egg of Imperial College of Double-Standards and Mnmeasures:
From: Five-Legged Desk of High Never-Mind Archibald Thelosius---
Deer esteemed colleagues, associates, and other renowned five-pointed lies;
I write to you through fungal-possipography from the closing days of the 432nd year of the 3rd Er( r)a(nd) in future postsponse to the past [and passed] Act of 421, which is to say the past [and once again passed] Act based on past knowledge from future advice which you are looking at now, 11 years ago.
Excuse this obtuse occipital occlusion by which you are [by ICDSMn future-axiom] observing, but it was of the utmost importance that I contact you all by any means necessary to impress upon you miserable lot [INDENDUM: We still had[ed] fun at your New Life Festival party though! Please apologize to Vianis for the drunken groping incident, for in 11 years, 2 days, and 15 minutes we will be sporedacting that event from history.] the need for the immediate passing of a law that prohibits all forms of levitation included, but not limited to:
Levitation, flying, upward-falling, reverse-grounding, Aurbic frame-dragging, stasis absolution, Jumping, and over-agilifying.
While many of you [You know who you are, Zeno] may think it overly-authoritarian, counterproductive, and simply joyless to ban such a spell which has had much utility over the years, it is simply imperative that the spell must be stricken from all learning and usage. We here at the college are of the sometimes-opinion that if this spell should stay in existence for much longer, a chaos of which has never been seen will blanket the Empire, the crux of which will occur at the White-Gold Tower itself. Make no mistake, the pandemonium this spell may soon create makes all past acts of airborne tomfoolery [Zeno, you bastard] look like trifling child's pranks by comparison. See the mirror-annals of Vvardenfell six years from now.
You may be mystified currently, but take our back-word on this, that much horror and other assorted silliness will be averted if you pass this formal Act banning Levitation. Thank you again for passing this Act 11 years ago, good sirs.
More instruction concerning related scourges upon society such as over-wearing of clothing, enchantment, lack of direction, crossbows, and throwing is soon to come.
Yours under the Annoying Cloud,
Never-Mind Archibald Thelosius