Hey guys/girls this is just kinda gonna be a shot in the dark to see if anyone likes it if people like it i will carry it on as i am actually quite intrested in writing it but if know one likes it its a bit of a waste of time carrying on and its my first fan fiction so any criticizem or problems with it please be nice this 1st bit might seem a bit bland on the MC but i was going to develope her a bit more in the next bit ok here goes

And please be aware that my spelling/grammer is not the best in the world sorry for any mistakes if anyone points them out i will happilly change it accordingly

Revenge On the Mutants


Michelle watched through the scope of her rifle as the scrawny wastelander scrambled away, she breathed in and held it, a slight squeeze of the trigger followed by a thunderous bang which echoed in the eerie capitol ruins. It slumped to the floor missing a quite a significant part of its body, there was blood strewn paste splattered along the ruined building wall. The wastelander turned to see if the creature was gaining on him, only to see a headless yellow husk clutching a spiked nail board in its lifeless hands. The wastelander looked around to try and find his saviour to no avail.

Michelle stayed just long enough to see the wastelander get away and backed up slowly trying not to make much noise, she reached into her back pocket pulled out a .308 round and removed the clip from her rifle, Michelle pushed the round down into the clip and reloaded her rifle and pulled back the cocking handle with a satisfying click. It had become second nature to her to have a fully loaded gun at all times.

Michelle slung the rifle over her back and tied her long black hair into a ponytail with a piece of string, she pulled out and assault rifle and moved cautiously down to the dead mutant laying down a frag mine, as it was set it let out a high pitched beep. After the mine was set Michelle moved over to the mutant and shoved and sharp device into its back with a sickening squelch, Michelle began to pump a small air compressor on the device and a tube filled with a yellowy red liquid filled up a plastic bag. Michelle put the plastic bag and device into a small bag on her back.

As Michelle went to leave the mine she placed beeped rapidly, Michelle's quick reactions kicked in she dived behind a rock to protect herself from the blast, smoke and dust clouded the small space, Michelle coughed violently as she readied her weapon.

I like it so far, keep going and this could be great. :thumbsup:

Thanks im not hated lol i should hopefully put some more up later so long as nothing major comes up

Next installment please leave comments so that i know what will be good to change ect thanks


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As Michelle looked over the rock all she could see was dust, there was a groan from amongst the dust and as it cleared the apparent outline of a Centaur could be seen, struggling to breath due to the many Fragmentation wounds. Michelle looked at the creature and thought to leave it there to die slowly and painfully, but she looked at it and its human face and couldn't help but feel sorry for it, there was a scraping as she drew a combat knife from its sheath. Michelle approached it cautiously but the centaur seemed almost happy for what was about to happen to it. Michelle Brought the blade back and sank it into its chest in the region of what she hoped the centaur's heart was. It keeled over; there was an awkward silence as Michelle re-sheathed the blade.

That silence was abruptly broken
"There you are!"
"Oh [censored]!" Shouted Michelle as she pulled the frag grenade of her belt and threw it the mutants direction, sprinting as fast as she could she leaped over some debris as the grenade went off knowing she couldn't take on the amount of mutants about to come her way, Rivet City isn't far she thought to herself, the bullets started raining in bits of concrete and debris chipped away around her, as much as she feared for her life she felt a major surge of adrenaline and excitement.



As she turned the street corner she could see Rivet City's metal ramps leading to the bridge. Rivet city security heard the Gunfire and ran to the top of the ramps to see what was happening; as they looked on they could see Michelle sprinting followed by six mutants, Captain Harkness barked at the security team
"Take aim! Ready! FIRE!" Michelle Dived to the ground as a hail of bullets and Plasma bolts rained overhead. The shooting stopped and Michelle looked behind her to see piles of green goo, arms, legs and blood everywhere, as well as bullet holes and plasma scorches, Michelle looked and thought that in excess of three hundred rounds had been fired
"Bit of an overkill Harkness?" Michelle chuckled to herself
"Only for you Michelle" joked Harkness who was now standing behind her, Harkness pulled her up, Michelle had a great deal of respect for Harkness even knowing he was an android.

Michelle thanked the team as she walked across the bridge to the decaying aircraft carrier
"You gotta stop doing that to me Michelle, either they'll get you or we'll accidentally shoot you"
"Gotta make a living Harkness, mine just happens to be getting mutant blood, look thanks again I'll try to avoid it in future" and with that Michelle walked into the living quarters of the ship and unlocked her door, Dumping her gear on a table Michelle looked round at the bed and collapsed onto it, she'd been out all night and not slept at all, pulling the string from her hair to let her hair down she just mumbled to herself
"one sample? saved someone? nearly died? its been a good da?" Michelle slipped into a heavy sleep, where nothing could hurt her.

Very good for a first fanfic, try to make your chapters long though.

imtryingtoo i know it dosent give much to read at the minute i just havent had too much spare time i shall try my best to make the chapters longer

Kind of sounds like the beggining to my story, Kings of the Wasteland, with shooting of a lone person through the sight of a sniper rifle, and the blood spewing, blah, blah


Anyway, as for the story, you should use her name a lot less. I dont think you went three sentences without using her name. I give it a 9/10, its very detailed, and not much to complain about! :tops:

Thanks i did think i used the name alot i'll cut back on it and i'll be honest i havent read anyother FF on this board so it is completley coincidental that they are similar sorry about that and thanks again that means alot

Sorry? Now i'm sorry... Made me feel special!

just pretend to feel special sorry again i didnt mean to take the specialness away hope i didnt upset ya lol the next installment will be up later today and it should be a bigger installment which means there will be a bit more to read

Ok next part guys hope this bit is a bit longer and more substational for you not quite sure how this part will go down but we'll see



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It was dark, there was smoking bullet shells lying all over the cracked wasteland ground. The smell of smoking barrels flowed through the air, Michelle's hands shook violently as she took them of the over heated minigun, breathing heavily she looked down to her right hand side to see the mangled mutants corpse. The vapour came of her breath as she looked over where the gun was pointing, amongst the bullet torn mutant corpses there was one that stood out, that of a man. Michelle sank down next to the man and rolled him over and as she saw his face she screamed as the tears rolled of her face.

Michelle awoke, eye's wide and hyper ventilating, she could feel something going to touch her arm and she shook in a fit of rage
"NOO GET OFF, GET OFF" flailing her arms she rolled and fell off her bed, hitting the floor she came to realisation there was nothing there, through lack of insecurity she moved over to the table and picked up her combat knife
"Everything ok in there?" Michelle moved over to the door and opened it on the other side stood flak
"Jesus Michelle you weren't half makin a racket in there, you ok?" Michelle looked at him awkwardly with a half smile, Flak always seemed to be an a**e to most people except her and shrapnel, she almost thought he had a soft spot for her
"Yea I'm? err I'm fine thanks Flak, didn't know you cared I'm gonna stop by the stall later" if she went to flak she always got a discount
"Gotta care about my favourite customer, well so long as you're okay I'll see you later" Flak winked at Michelle as he walked off.

Michelle had been having this dream on and off for years never quite understanding what it was about, pulling on her leather armour and grabbing her gear she stepped out into the long hallways of rivet city making her way to the stairwell she passed the church or so the called them selves
"And now if we could all prayer together?"
"F**kin lunacy" She stated, making her way up to the marketplace she counted her caps
"Hmm not much I'd better make a delivery soon" Michelle never had a steady amount of caps, trying to kill enough mutants to get blood samples to sell to the brotherhood of steel without a whole s**it load of them coming down on you wasn't easy. It'd been part skill and part luck she's made it this far.

As she walked up to Flak and Shrapnel's store Flak she could see that Flak wasn't there
"Great no discount" Michelle didn't get on with Shrapnel so well, he was constantly trying seduce her, eying up Michelle's slender body
"Hey sixy, what can I do for ya?" although she didn't like him much she thought that she could this to her advantage, Smiling and placing her hands on her hips she flirted back with him
"Hey you, can I get five three o eight rounds and one assault rifle clip" Looking him up and down Shrapnel happily obliged
"That'll be forty six caps and I take you out to diner later"
"How bout we make it 10 and I'll see you after dinner"
"I think you've got your self a deal I'll see you tonight" Shrapnel sounded happy with himself, Michelle knew she could use things like that to her advantage when she needed to.
"God is he gonna be disappointed tonight" Michelle laughed to herself as she made her way to the citadel.

Good Going! The only thing that bothers me is that at certain parts you need to put commas but you didnt

right i shall try and use comma's more thanks for the feedback, did anyone think the bit where she used her feminine charms was a bit too much? cause i started to think that after i'd posted it next part should be up later im going to try and get a section up each day if possible thanks again for the feedback

hey guys i know i said next part would be up tonight but some stuff came up but should hopefuly have a big section up at some point tomorro sorry guys