The snow surrounded them like blankets, hugging the land and all it touched until there was nothing but a white mist. Verik, an Imperial legion sergeant, pulled up his hood in an attempt to cover his frosted ears. He searched for his men but all he could make out were dark silhouettes, like clouds in a sky of white they followed him. He wrapped his arms around him and continued his march. They were on a patrol in the land of Skyrim. The northern province in the empire he fought for, and the home of the Nordic people. Verik and his men are on a patrol searching for the Stormcloak rebels looking to defeat the Imperial army and end the Empires rule over the land.

Verik continued his march through the thick snow with his troops behind him. He noticed to his right that the legions corporal, Clagius, was walking beside him. Verik and Clagius were friends and Clagius was Verik's second-in-command of their legion of eight men. "How much longer are we going to march?" asked clagius "Just a bit more I think I see a clearing up ahead that we can camp at." Verik replied. The snow was less thick now and he could see his troops behind him now. They all looked tired from the patrol. They were all fresh faced recruits too so that worried Verik, he wondered what might happen if they were attacked out here, he wondered if the recruits could hold their own against the Stormcloaks.

Verik told his men to set up camp and start a fire. He went to sit down by Clagius who was recording their legion's daily progress in a journal, and studying the map that they got before being sent on their patrol. " How far are we from the Stormcloak's fort?" Verik questioned "About 4 miles, we should just find out what they are up to and then get back to the general to tell him our report." Clagius answered "We dont want to risk getting captured." "Corporal finish your report then and hit the bunk. we need to wake up early if we want to spy on the stormcloaks and be back at our fort by nightfall tomorrow." Verik told him "Yes sir." Clagius replied.

In the morning they packed up camp. Verik wondered about some of the rumors he heard about the rebel's fort. He had heard that there were catacombs underneath it and that they were infested with all kinds of horrible creatures like goblins, and other ghoulish fiends. Verik's men fell in line behind him and they continued to march on. The legion had been marching for most of the day and they finally came across a cliff overlooking the Stormcloak's fort. It was well hidden in the forest and covered with snow. They were lucky to find it. Verik's job was to survey Stormcloak movement outside the fort so him and his legion made camp on the cliff.

I think that the strongest part of your writing is the way you describe the setting that they're in.

I added more to the short story: The snow surrounded them like blankets, hugging the land and all it touched until there was nothing but a white mist. Verik, an Imperial legion sergeant, pulled up his hood in an attempt to cover his frosted ears. He searched for his men but all he could make out were dark silhouettes, like clouds in a sky of white they followed him. He wrapped his arms around him and continued his march. They were on a patrol in the land of Skyrim. The northern province in the empire he fought for, and the home of the Nordic people. Verik and his men are on a patrol searching for the Stormcloak rebels looking to defeat the Imperial army and end the Empires rule over the land.
Verik continued his march through the thick snow with his troops behind him. He noticed to his right that the legions corporal, Clagius, was walking beside him. Verik and Clagius were friends and Clagius was Verik's second-in-command of their legion of eight men. "How much longer are we going to march?" asked clagius "just a bit more I think I see a clearing up ahead that we can camp at." Verik replied. The snow was less thick now and he could see his troops behind him now. They all looked tired from the patrol. They were all fresh faced recruits too so that worried Verik, he wondered what might happen if they were attacked out here, he wondered if the recruits could hold their own against the Stormcloaks.
Verik told his men to set up camp and start a fire. He went to sit down by Clagius who was recording their legion's daily progress in a journal, and studying the map that they got before being sent on their patrol. " How far are we from the Stormcloak's fort?" Verik questioned "about 4 miles, we should just find out what they are up to and then get back to the general to tell him our report." Clagius answered "we dont want to risk getting captured." "corporal finish your report then and hit the bunk. we need to wake up early if we want to spy on the stormcloaks and be back at our fort by nightfall tomorrow." Verik told him "Yes sir." Clagius replied.
In the morning they packed up camp. Verik wondered about some of the rumors he heard about the rebel's fort. He had heard that there were catacombs underneath it and that they were infested with all kinds of horrible creatures like goblins, and other ghoulish fiends. Verik's men fell in line behind him and they continued to march on. The legion had been marching for most of the day and they finally came across a cliff overlooking the Stormcloak's fort. It was well hidden in the forest and covered with snow. They were lucky to find it. Verik's job was to survey Stormcloak movement outside the fort so he ordered his legion to make camp on the cliff. That night Verik was very vigilant because they were so close to the Stormcloak's fort. He kept thinking that he heard movement outside his tent but it could have just been the wind. Verik went to go investigate anyway he stepped out of his tent and was struck on the head, and he blacked out.
Verik woke up unsteady and confused, he realized that he was in a cell, it was unpleasantly cold in the small room. Verik surveyed his surroundings and saw Clagius in the cell with him. A few of his soldiers were in the cell across from him. "Where are we clagius?" Verik asked "We are in the Stormcloak's fortress. They must have seen us on the cliff and snuck up there during the night." Clagius replied "where are the rest of our men?" Verik questioned, he had only seen five of his eight men in the cell across from him. "they were taken by the rebels for questioning sir." Clagius replied, Verik had to figure out a way to escape but he was still recovering from the blow to his head so he decided to rest.
Verik was awoken by the clanking of armor and the voices of the rebel Stormcloaks outside his cell. The rebels went into his cell and drag him out for questioning. The guards had brought him to a room that was nicely lit by torches on the walls.

I like this story...Looking forward to seeing how Verik gets out of it... :goodjob: ...

I'm not claiming to be an expert at all but i will say about two teenie things...Maybe three but they're only minor and nothing to do with the story itself as such...

1. Only post the update...When I started reading I got a bit confused until I realised what you'd done...

2. Make sure the paragraphs have a gap 'cause it makes the story easier to read

Oh, and 3. Put dialogue from different characters on a new line...Makes it clearer...Like this -



and like...



Loving the story though...Nice one...