I saw this quote in the Oblivion section of this forum, in a topic talking about role-playing yourself, which I do find to be odd, as I'm already myself..

So after not asking Glargg for permission to use this quote (sorry 'bout that, in my defense, it did inspire me to make this thread. ) I made this thread to discuss whether or not self-esteem is important.

My view is that self-esteem IS important to a degree. You should feel like you're worth something, but you must take care to not over-exaggerate it to the point where you are egotistical and feel like you're the most important thing in the world.

I also wonder, why is it that some people have issues with self-esteem/have low self-esteem? And why do some cultures like Japan suppress self-esteem? Is it also true that low self-esteem is linked to higher suicide rates?

What are your thoughts?

I think it's very important, and belive if you lack self-esteem and think you're worthless, you're much more likely to give up your dreams or whatever if you stumble upon a failure instead of keep trying for a better and happier future.

That said, it shouldn't go overboard so the person becomes an arrogant and despicable person

If I had a dollar by responding to questions like this with "Balance is the key", I'd have... about five dollars. But really, having a degree of confidence in yourself is massively important and it affects how you approach every decision, and both extremes are bad for you and bad for people around you. A lot of cultures champion selflessness and being humble but no really happy person thinks nothing of themselves - one need not necessarily go boasting about yourself to possess self-esteem (and indeed that kind of behaviour is often a sign of a severe lack of such).

Self-esteem issues can often stem from childhood experiences putting it really, really broadly, people who grow up spoiled and overly mollycoddled often end up trekking through their advlt life with the impression that the world could not get by without them, and conversely those suffering from neglect, abuse etc in their formative years often grow up believing that every horrible thing that they were called back in the day was true. It's entirely possible to recognise this on a conscious level but actually adjusting it can be very difficult. Getting through life with an extremely low opinion of yourself is highly stressful and draining on an emotional level. Cultures like that of Japan don't really suppress self-esteem as much as they frown on people being overly and unreasonably rambunctious - it's more about respect for others than it is about thinking yourself unworthy.

The link between low opinion of the self and suicide is a no-brainer, really - a suicidal person has often arrived at a point where they think that they can't cope with the world that they're living in or that they have nothing of value to contribute to the world, so killing oneself can feel like they're just doing the logical thing and doing the world a favour. At the opposite end of the spectrum, some of the bigger historical figures (thinking like conquerors, kings, celebrities and other ostensibly influential people) have quite often been egomaniacs. Much of the reason we have things like the pyramids in Egypt is because pharaohs commonly thought of themselves as actual gods and demanded treatment in equal measure. If a person of massively inflated ego thinks they deserve to be omnipresent, it only stands to reason that one of absolutely no ego would think they don't deserve to exist at all. Very few people who kill themselves really do it as a form of protest or demand. It's just an escape.

Speaking as someone who's trying to rebuild her self esteem after hitting rock-bottom, I'd say it's not just important but crucial to one's emotional well-being. There's a very wide gulf between being egotistical and having a healthy sense of self-esteem, IMHO.

I agree, and come to think of it, expanding on what IanHead said, if it's possible for someone to ruin your self-esteem, then it must also be possible for you to ruin your own self-esteem. Being your own bully, essentially.

But yes, I agree, we are all important in some way to ourselves and society. I guess I was confused as to why some (like the poster I quoted) thought self-esteem was egotism, essentially.

I'll tell you a story:

When I was 27 years old, I was diagnosed with MS (Multiple Sclerosis). Up until that point I had been a successful chef, working in some of Europe's best restaurants and opening my own. In short, I thought I respected, or esteemed, myself.

All of that changed with the diagnosis. I thought I had become useless. There was one thing I was good at and by a cruel twist of fate I was no longer capable of doing it. I fell into a spiral of depression and self-loathing and, to cut a long story short, in 2010 I took an overdose of codeine-based painkillers to try to end my life.

My little brother found me, unconscious, and called for an ambulance. I don't remember much of the next few days, but my mum and Mark were there by my side in the hospital. Come rain or shine, there they were. And not just those two... friends, family... even my ex-girlfriend travelled from the Czech Republic to see me in hospital.

Of course, at the time, this made me feel even worse. I hated myself for putting these people that I loved through this hell. I had become so caught up in my own pain that I couldn't see anybody else's. How ashamed of me must these people be?

It took a long time, but eventually I realised that, far from being ashamed of me, they were there because they loved me. They were more concerned with my welfare than I was myself. They were still proud of me, and respected me, and loved me...

I made a pledge to myself when I came to this realisation. No longer would I hate myself. I have many faults, but I have come to accept them. I don't define myself by what I can't do, but by what I can, and anyone who can inspire such feelings in others has got to be on to a winner, right?

At the end of the day I suppose what I'm trying to say is: Yes, self-esteem is important. After all, if you can't respect yourself, how could you possibly respect anyone else?

I think it is certainly possible to talk oneself down too much: humility has its place, but it's possible to have too much of a good thing.

As for the poster who wrote the comment that inspired this topic, I've no idea. I'd guess he was just mistaken, though it is the sort of comment that was used in the past to undermine me. I guess we should all give careful consideration to what we believe...


And, the answer is, you can't. I'm glad to hear that you pulled through that dark period in your life after being so close to the edge. Nobody should be defined by their faults and illnesses, though it's an easy trap to fall into.

Self-esteem is uber important to people. People want to feel like their important or worth something, when people don't---they end up going down dark path and sometime never return.

I wish I could put into words how powerful that story is. In my clunky way, I want to convey that I'm glad you're still here, and that you have people who love you. If anyone else wants, they can post their own stories here (and we can re-name the title of this thread to 'self-esteem' or something else, if it's too blunt.)

I think, at the end, it's important for us to be confident in our abilities, to be proud that we are capable. My problem, and I hope this doesn't sound egotistical, is that I think I taught myself to be too humble. Instead of a confident "I can do this", it's a "I think I can do this". I've taught myself that saying "I can do this" is a sign of egotism, even though I know I'm not 'superior in almost every way'. It makes me uncomfortable to say "yes, I did this by myself" and am amazed that I somehow managed to do it all by myself. Take the research papers I've done in college. I'll say it couldn't have just been me. I didn't sit down and pour over the notes and textbooks I got from the library, collecting quotes, anolyzing them, and hammering out a long paper. No, no I didn't do that.

Thanks. And you're right - it is an easy trap to fall into. The difference being now, that I know it's there.

I remember it being the buzz word through the 90,s no matter what you had low self esteem, it explained all matter of things you couldnt explain about yourself, i remember getting told so many time why i couldnt get a job was because i had low self esteem, it was basically because like many thousand of other people they just didnt get the job self esteem had nothing to do with it, its just words that are way over used and people like tagging people with that label, i dont believe anyone can tell me whether i had high or low self esteem, i can pretend to have either and the observer would no different.

Yes, yes you did.

Thanks for listening. You have no idea how good it feels to get that off my chest, even if it is just on an internet forum.

SELF-esteem is important. That is a person realizing their own worth. Unfortunately, at least in the US, we've just had 20+ years of externally applied "self-esteem".

This was the era of not keeping score in sports, participation trophies for everyone involved, and having 6 valedictorians. No one was allowed to be a winner, because it would damage a childs self-esteem to be a loser. Slapping esteem on externally in this manner is what gace rise to some young people having an entitlement mentality. Not being exposed to the fact that there are winners and losers in every endeavor at all ages, they never had a chance to gain SELF-esteem, because everyone told them how wonderful they were.

I've been a bit of an outsider since childhood, but I've always valued myself. To this day, I have no friends and no contact with people outside work or family. I still value myself. I have SELF-esteem- it doesn't depend on other people propping me up.

Self-esteem is very important, for me especially as I lacked it many years ago when I was 15-16 years old, it's what lead me to start exercising and live a healthy lifestyle, after my PE teacher said I didn't have it in me to do anything in life, it was kind of a smack in the face.

a year later I'd lost 5 stone, and now I'm in the last semester of my university degree, all because I buckled down, lost the weight and gained some self-esteem back.

I think it's important for people to have a sense of self-worth that they feel they've earned. It's difficult for people to achieve and contribute in life if they don't think their contributions are worthwhile. Of course, there are plenty of people with over-blown senses of self-worth and those that feel that nothing they can do will ever be enough. Neither of these are healthy, IMO.

no

Believing in yourself is important so yes, Self-esteem is important.

Self-esteem is a form of loving yourself and to love others, one must love themselves.

Self-esteem is kind of a weird term. I guess the feeling that one is searching for is, no matter how anyone might judge you, it doesn't matter to you.

Fortunately or unfortunately people are social animals, and it is not easy to shrug off judgment just like that. If you have managed to score high in the societal judgement categories (like figure-skating judges holding up a score card), of course it is not a problem. Maybe from when you were born you were handsome, rich, smart, calm, and the whole question will never be an issue for you. If you happen to be ugly, poor, dumb and anxious, you have a big effing hill to climb.

Lots of us go through serious depression, we know how important this is. It's not totally under your control. You don't have the console commands for your brain, often there is not that much you can do about what you are thinking. It is pretty easy to get into cycles of negative thoughts that keep themselves going.

If you have to go through say a year of feeling really bad every single day no matter what else may happen, it's like a trial of fire. This is where you can become like a hero just by keeping your life stable.

In the end, it's all just electrical impulses bouncing around inside your skull. As far as I can tell, the best thing is to train your brain through meditation.

What can you do about those judges holding up scorecards, putting you on some BS scale of social acceptability? I guess you have to find something really authentic to fight them with. But if you can't be true to your own goals, then it will be very hard to beat them. So you do have to try to keep making progress, even if that is "what they expect you to do". There can be a point where rebellion only hurts yourself.

Total renunciation is a very difficult path. I could not become like one of those naked Sadhus, who cares about nothing material. Almost no-one can go this route, so don't kid yourself. And if you are unhappy every day, do talk it through with someone. You can come back from anything, and get back to feeling how incredible it is just to be alive for this short time.

High self-esteem and arrogance are not the same thing. You tell yourself that you are the best/smartest/etc person around without verbalizing it. You want to exude confidence to those around you but not condescend.

The Japanese don't suppress self-esteem, they just promote humility. The Japanese student next to you may tell himself every day that he is the smartest kid in class and that he demands excellence in his schoolwork.... That drives him to work harder than the rest of the class to stay on top.

Always picture yourself achieving success in every task you undertake. Confidence improves your performance in academics, sports, job interviews, etc. and is attractive to others.

Low self-esteem is definitely linked to increased suicide rates. There is no reason to limit yourself by not believing that you are able to achieve whatever goals that you set your mind to.

Of course. One does not seek love or self-appreciation from outside of oneself.

If one does not appreciate oneself, how is one going to show others one is worthy of love?

There's a difference between having good self-esteem and having delusions of grandeur, and likewise there's a difference between being a little self-critical and having no self-esteem.

Having good self-esteem is important and believing in your own capabilities is a huge asset. You shouldn't go overboard with it, though. You aren't the center of the universe and the world will continue spinning without you, but you are still a capable person. When you screw up, being aware of your mistakes and limitations is a good thing. However, you shouldn't be self-depreciating. Acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses equally.

Mutual respect is important to me when it comes to friendships, and I can't respect someone who can't even respect themselves. Yes, self-esteem is important and it will help and benefit you in in very many aspects of your life. I struggled a lot with low self-esteem during my teenage years, and I've just recently started to put that terrible way of thinking behind me. Good riddance.

Of course there are limits. I can't stand arrogant oafs who are full of themselves. Having low self-esteem isn't good, and neither is being deluded into thinking that you're some superior individual who's above everyone else for some reason.

It's important.

Yeah sure, I'm not important in the grand scale of the galaxy or w.e, but I am important to lots of people around me and the way I behave affects them (and other people who I'm not important to also). So I guess if you wanna make yourself feel better by saying the people you affect for better or worse in life are unimportant then you'd say that^ to lose as much weight on your actions.

Anyway. Self esteem is important I think, for personal sanity if nothing else.

Some people are just born useless. Is it such a crime to be a realist and accept that fact?

So Useless should forever feel bad, knowing he will never amount to anything cause he is so Useless? Bullpoo, if anything is bringing him down its that attitude.
And even if he is forever doomed... Self esteem is important for happiness. If Useless could look upon his life and think 'man I can never do anything great, but hey at least I have these good things *insert*' that is still worth something..