Shadows

Post » Thu May 20, 2010 9:05 pm

Hello everyone, I coulden't post in my last fan-fic without an error, so I'm making another one.

Prolouge

A wooshing sound came from nearby, startiling the farmer. "Who ever you are, please don't hurt me", the farmer said, worried. The blackness of the night could blackout anything, including the Hei Gui soldiers. One of the soldiers crept up behind the farner, wating for the right time. The Farmer is scared to hell, Hintiro thought. "Please, I have done nothing wrong", the farmer pleaded. Hintiro plunged his sword into the farmer's torso, killing him quickly. After his death, the destroyed ranch became silent once more.

Two Hours Later. The elite troops arrived back at the small outpost, greeted by their commander. "Good job men, I trust your mission was a complete succses". The soldiers nodded, and proceded to walk back to the barracks, changing out of thier stealth suits, and putting on their standerd uniforms. Their mission before was to kill a farmer who dared come close to the Chinese outpost. It was an easy mission, a task for a moron. "Good job Hintiro". Minhio said." Hintiro Nishtin, please see Chief Captin Dunvio". Hintiro walked to the Captin's office. "I have a very, important topic to disscus with you, about an old friend of yours...
User avatar
Darren
 
Posts: 3354
Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2007 2:33 pm

Post » Thu May 20, 2010 1:38 pm

Short, needs to be longer, well the next chapter, that was just a prologue. Also, please spell out the word two, it looks ugly and is lazy. At least you have good punctation, but how are there farmers? Considering that were in nuclear fallout and all.
User avatar
Alan Cutler
 
Posts: 3163
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2007 9:59 am

Post » Thu May 20, 2010 10:10 pm

Short, needs to be longer, well the next chapter, that was just a prologue. Also, please spell out the word two, it looks ugly and is lazy. At least you have good punctation, but how are there farmers? Considering that were in nuclear fallout and all.

Fixed the mistake, and this is a scene before the great war.
User avatar
priscillaaa
 
Posts: 3309
Joined: Sat Dec 30, 2006 8:22 pm

Post » Fri May 21, 2010 3:24 am

Nice, a pre-war fanfic, there's hardly any of those..
User avatar
JD bernal
 
Posts: 3450
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:10 am


Return to Fallout Series Discussion