tl;dr version: I'm single and am not actively seeking a relationship and it isn't bothering me. I feel like I should care, but I don't.

I haven't been in a serious long-term relationship since August, 2010. I'm not ugly or fat, nor do I suffer from any mental or physical ailments, or anything like that. I seem to have found myself giving up on dating and relationships altogether though. Don't get me wrong, if an attractive young woman asked me out right now, I wouldn't turn her down. But now I find myself not looking for a relationship, and it's scary. I used to almost always look for a relationship, flirt, and win the hearts and minds of women (except for the girls I really liked it seems). I used to often feel down, not full blown depression, but just sad and lonely, but now I'm single and it's almost as if I don't care. I have never really cared six, and I've always been more interested in a more romantic relationship, so that's not what I mean, what I mean is that I don't seem to care that I'm single, and that's what worries me.

In my early and mid teens, from around 13-16 I didn't even like girls in a romantic way, I mean I went through puberty and had urges to jack off and stuff, but I never really thought of girls, since I was into more kinky stuff. However a couple months (or weeks) before I turned 17 I went through this phase where I was confused. I then continued that confused phase throughout almost entire year of being 17. In this confused phase I had found myself almost acting obsessively over girls, and by obsessive, I mean I wouldn't give up trying to win their hearts. However a few weeks before I turned 18 I kind of stopped trying to win over girls altogether (save for one girl, but that was just for about a month and I had relapsed into that whole "confused" stage again, plus she led me on so it wasn't entirely my fault).

Okay, here's where the story gets interesting. There's this girl, I've been talking to her since about November or December 2010, and she's amazing. In fact, she has no idea how amazing she is, her and I talk a lot and I like her a lot. A couple weeks ago I told her that I like her, since she was just about to break up with her "not boyfriend" (they've been unofficially dating for a while, and she never made it Facebook official and she doesn't like to use the term "boyfriend" when referring to him; I'm guessing it's more of a "friends with benefits" sort of thing), and I said that if she likes me back and wants to go out or something to let me know.

Well her and her "not boyfriend" did break up, and then she started having this huge crush on another guy, so I just accepted it and moved on with my life since she clearly isn't interested in me whatsoever (and if I'm not mistaken, she has said so). She's one of the very few people who I consider one of my closest and best friends. Then she gave up chasing that one guy, after she put that she was "engaged" to him (she said it was to keep all of the creepers off her back, which I wouldn't doubt she has tons of, since she's insanely beautiful). She is now going back out with her "not boyfriend" and never even messaged me about liking me, again giving evidence to my theory that she's either just not that into me, or that she doesn't want to risk losing our close friendship.

But what scares me is that sure, I like this girl, but I haven't said a single thing about liking her since I told her about how I like her a few weeks ago, and I haven't tried to win her over or anything. I haven't even tried going out with other women. It's not like I'm waiting for the girl that I like, I just accepted that she doesn't like me. And here I am. I don't seem to care very much about relationships. I mean, I don't like the concept of being single, and I do want to find the right person, but I just stopped trying. I seem to have stopped pursuing the quest of finding the right girl. My most prominent theory is that I am more mature and stable now, and I have a stable social circle that meets my emotional needs of companionship, that social circle consists of my two best friends (one of whom is the girl I'm interested in). Could you please give me some advice?

wooooooooooooow.
the similarities between our situations are ridiculously close.
im also in your age gap, im single and i dont really care.
Like, i feel that i should care, that i need to care but i just dont

i also like a girl, and ive told her that but i dont know if i should pursue it or not.

:/

Wow, we are like in the same situation at the same time and we both post on the same forum! That's crazy.

I wouldn't say you're alone. Now, you're certainly too young to be in that "relationships are a waste of time, they're pointless and go nowhere" old man phase, but I completely get you. I've just gotten sick of the drama and backstabbing involved with teenage relationships. I lost one of my best friends after my last breakup, as we both pretty much despise each other now. It's a shame what relationships can do to you.

If you're happy with your current "social stance" then I don't see any reason to rock the boat, because let me tell you, you do not want to screw up a friendship if you're that close to her. I've lose almost all interest lately in serious relationships; both dudes and women are just too immature and have too low of an attention span for serious relationships at a young age, imo. But if you think you have a chance of her being in a relationship with her, I assure you you will be happy.

Hes not making fun of you. :whistling:

indeed i wasnt.

I think that's completely normal, during the fall semester in university I was always hitting on girls, but I could never manage to get a solid relationship, I got led on, cheated on, had some bad arguments, meaningless encounters, etc. I just decided to say [censored] it and have fun being 18 and single. I'm not opposed at all to dating or having a serious relationship, but I'm not going to pursue unless things look good. I think you're just tired of the whole dating scene right now and you should just have fun being single! If I need to convince you more you can go to clubs/bars and have a blast, sleep in super late, chill in your underwear and play video games!

Apparently I'm feeling the "not desperate anymore" feeling.

I've never been in a relationship and I don't plan to yet. I've seen fights,hurt, cheating and mistrust in relationships. Yeah, I reckon I'm too young for relationships.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_p-HMo1UPfc

Haven't ever cared, thought I did once, but it was just pressure from various idiots.

Don't care about relationship ether yet , too busy for me now and some other things would reck the relationship anyhow.

if you don't care and there is no conflict happening, what is the point of this thread?

You're not desperate anymore, you're not needy anymore, you're not dependent on anyone... Seems to me that you have your priorities straight. No need to actively search, you'll know when you found her (or him), it'll happen whether you are looking or not.

Different people need different amounts of emotional companionship, speaking in terms of both friendships and romantic relationships. Some people need large circles of friends they're always in contact with, others just a few close friends they occasionally see, and others prefer just transient acquaintances. On the romantic side of things some people need to constantly be in a relationship (regardless of seriousness), others have no issue remaining single until they happen on someone they see themselves having a serious relationship with, while some don't even find a relationship worth the effort unless they happen upon someone they find truly exceptional. It's simply a spectrum of how people are emotionally wired, and the important thing is to simply recognize and be comfortable with whatever your own particular emotional wiring happens to be.

That said, it sounds like you're still relatively young, so until you reach your mid to late 20s you're probably going to be going through a fair number of emotional swings until your mental wiring becomes a bit more fixed, so recognize this and be careful not to lock yourself into a perspective on yourself that may not necessarily be correct while your emotional needs are still fluctuating quite a bit.

Unlike most of the people here I do kind of care. It is disheartening at nearly 19 to wake up alone and see all your friends with partners that make them happy. The thing is whenever I feel disheartened I have nerdfighteria and my two heroes John and Hank Green to fall back on.

You got to find yourself a kinky girl.

Yeah. An old friend of mine has a girlfriend that does that for me.

I really could have done without the "jack off" bit. Of all things I've imagined forum members doing on the other side of the screen, this isn't one of them.

Anyways, I don't see wanting to be single as abnormal. Or the state of being single for that matter.

It's called coping.

I don't care if i am in a relationship or not. What ever happens, happens. I don't care.



:rock:

Same here. Bar the nerdfightia thing.

Namely it's not like have lots of friends I can count on. I have like 2 people I trust at the moment.

You sound fine to me - I think it's weirder to be a person who needs to be in a relationship all the time, and every relationship/crush is with "the one", and it's more intense than the last. That type of attitude just doesn't seem healthy to me.

Pretty much this.

Oh and OP, August 10 was barely months ago, really not that long of a time..... :shrug:

Too much info man, have some dignity :laugh:

Being single is great. I can do whatever I want, with whoever I want, whenever I want, without having to care about how somebody else feels about it. Christmas is cheap, and there's no fear of severe harm to me or my possessions should I forget an anniversary.