*force chokes the overseer*give me the plans for your door and terminal
Overseer:*Nods but dies
The Sith: *takes them and walks right into Amata*
Amata: oh my god you killed him
The Sith: *smiles evilly and twirls his light saber and slashes Amata head off then leaves to the vault door* God dammit *pounds on it then force pushes it smashing the cavern to pieces*
Walks out into daylight " What a dump." he sprints to megaton
Lucas : Ill be damned another new *he stop because the sith scares him
The Sith: hello Lucas *smiles*
Lucas:OH GOD HE'S GONNA KIL*is stopped by force choke
The Sith: tisk tisk *drops him then heads for the pub
-To Be Continued-

So should i continue it ? do you like it ??

I don't really like "meshing" one fictional universe and another. That being said, the writing was a bit choppy. A little bit of review before publishing, and it might be amazing. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate it, I just think it needs work.

WELL i do hate it.

Basically a lame Star Wars character killing everything in the most unoriginal way possible.

i concurr. this story made me want to shoot myself in both eyes with a brad-nailer.

not something you should carry on with, but dont be discouraged just keep practiceing

I'm sorry, but what is this? Because if you were attempting to write a fanfic, you failed miserably. I don't even know what to call this, but it isn't a fanfic. Of course, it isn't the worst I've read. I remember one from the TES fanfiction forums that gave me nightmares. Still, this is up there. Stick around, learn to write something decent, join an rp, whatever, but please don't continue this.

ive only done .......well a comic yall problem never ofs fan fics ventures of el talco!

umm..... what?

im sorry for trying

Don't be sorry for trying. You have a right. It just so happened that the story wasn't all that good. Stick around, pick up tips, and PRACTICE.

That's my advice to you.

My God...

You have to continue this. Don't listen to the naysayers. This must go on!

Are you insane??! Do you want people to laugh at him??!! I don't want to crush his dreams, and as I said, if he gave it work (and proper grammar) it would be pretty good!

But until he gets better, he can't continue, for sake of his mental health!

and ours

:rofl:

Um... this would be a great as a comedy...........

if you were to not overpower the character, NOT steal everything from Star wars, and actually take your time, this might be a decent fan-fic

No... Just, no...

im sorry, but terrible

i love blunt opinions they make the day when i bring a gun into work so much better

So long as you don't bring the script for this fan fic, i'm okay with that.

Be a bit cautious... he may be volitile!

:nuke:

I protect this mere hatch-ling...but not his writing. Although in time maybe I shall read a great epic of this one's and become speechless with awe and all who doubted him will cry out and yell"My word, you truly are a bad-ass!Hail to the Bad-ass!" Keep writing kid...just not this topic...Try a Fallout 3 story that isn't a "mesh". Good luck man. Vercun out! :foodndrink:

"Meshing" as almost never been good, with the possible exceptions of AvP and Freddy Vs. Jason.

FO3 and Star Wars does not mesh. Not even if you tried.

hey i will try man ..............should i try a story of my main fallout character like a journal

no, everybody does that.

write a story bout something nobody has done before.