Skyrim Comedy - Unintentional Laughs : V - Skyrim

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 7:57 am

was out along whiterun looting a chest near a giant camp when all of a sudden a thief comes up to me and gives me a bow he stole. As soon as he hands me the bow he says "rat me out and i will hunt you down." or something along those lines and then a giant comes up and punts him over a mountain. the giant then proceeds to attack me.

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 6:16 am

Well, one of my funny moments is when I was walking through a forest(I forget which) I see a small house. Not much but I thought it was interesting. So what do I do? I walk up to it and look for the person living there. Sitting on a chair right in front of the house was a creepy old women, who kept whispering to herself "No one will ever know my secret." So I attack her and see what she can do. She attacks me with magic and I kill her. Seeing her body on the ground, I slowly back away while laughing my ass off.

» Thu Dec 15, 2011 7:47 pm

Last night I fought a group of necromancers in a dungeon. After the battle, the bodies were in a pile so I started dragging them away one by one to get their loot. One of them was a female with a shaved head. When I let go of her body, it kept sliding and her bald head hit a nearby barrel with a loud "thud!" - I don't know why but that made me laugh. :hehe:

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 1:40 am

My companions seem to have it in for me.

The other night, during a busy encounter wtih a few Forsworn and Hagraven Eola decides she just has to have a zombie. Rather than picking one of the convenient corpses lying around us, she runs off looking for a suitable target and comes back a little while later with 3 more Forsworn in tow, a few wolves and trailing behind all of that a zombie GOAT. Really - that's the best you could do?

I did my best to keep that little goat zombie alive, but sadly... one of the Hags put an ice spike through it.

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 5:21 am

The other night, during a busy encounter wtih a few Forsworn and Hagraven Eola decides she just has to have a zombie. Rather than picking one of the convenient corpses lying around us, she runs off looking for a suitable target and comes back a little while later with 3 more Forsworn in tow, a few wolves and trailing behind all of that a zombie GOAT. Really - that's the best you could do?

lol.

Mine is a bit of a spoiler, it has to do with the dark brotherhood quest and it really is the fail of the AI:

Spoiler

I'm in the last mission to kill the Emperor and there are just way to many guards. I have been having a hard time sneaking around them because I realize I should be walking on the carpets, but I get a nifty idea. I take my bow and arrow out and I start sniping. First I snipe the bard, the guards become alert.

"What was that?"

So they go around looking for me and I hide behind a door. That's right there is a room before the main dining room that I am hiding in.

"Must have been nothing." while their bard lies dead on the floor.

They go back and sit down eating and drinking. Yeah, shows the bard how much he was appreciated. Then I snipe one of the guys sitting and eating. He falls down dead too. They once again go looking for me, but I hide again behind the door in the room.

"Must have been imagining things,"

Really the guy sitting next to is dead with an arrow through his neck. And it must be your imagination. I guess he's just sleeping in his food and arrow in the neck is acupuncture. Then I shoot the guy drinking mead he also falls down dead. The last guy gets up and looks at the dead body.

"Who's there," He then precedes to look for me again, this time actually walking into the room that I was hiding. But he doesn't actually see me because I'm behind the door. He walks out and he says something about drinking to much. Really so the bard, the guard, the third and second guard are all sleeping or passed out drunk.

As he walks back in the room instead of sitting down immediately he realizes they were all dead. He gos in between states of alertness to complete idiotic awareness. Back and forth. Half eye, hidden eye, half eye, hidden eye. And then he finally sits down to finish his bread. I killed him too. And now there will be forever the dead bodies of the guards who tried to protect their emperor on a boat.

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:59 am

My first real wtf moment was when I was making a little tour through the companions hall (whatever its called), sneaking and stealing from the sleeping companions. To train my pickpocketing I steal almost everything and then drop the not-so-valuable stuff. It so happens that I steal an iron shield and drop it.
There's a loud 'CLUNK' in a room full of sleeping warriors - and I think to myself '[censored] I hope the AI is not good enough to register that noise and catch me stealing'.
Well, as I think that, one guy wakes up and gets out of bed. I start sneaking away like I wasn't even there, but sure enough the guy follows me...and says:
'That armor u dropped... can I have it?'
I say sure go ahead. (laughing my ass off)
He keeps standing there staring at the dropped shield with longing eyes... (cant take it cause its stolen I guess

Second one...
A friend is visiting, I am in windhelm and decide to show him some fancy magic in skyrim so I start blasting away at the guards with my expert and adept level destruction spells. after some cool ice storms and a few fireballs impressively send a few guards flying, there are no targets left.
I look around for a target to show my incredibly sixy new thunderbolt spell and see a chicken wandering across the street.
As I blast it away and it flies off into the distance with a beautiful crackling lightning, a message pops up at the top left:
"Last Witness killed - bounty removed"!

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 3:28 am

Reading this forum is a great way to pass the time in a training course.

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 10:13 am

Watching hunters in action is always good comedy. "I've been hunting and fishing in these parts for YEARS!"

Running after little rabbits and screaming: "I'LL RIP YOUR HEART OUT!"
Always cracks me up.

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 11:32 am

"Have you seen those warriuhs from Hammuhfell? They have curved swords. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=dMHle170Kxw."

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 12:53 am

In riften all the npcs are standing at the front of the secret thieves guild entrance. I dont know why maybe they have enough of the random thieves spawning. But everytime i pass along them to enter or leave the thieves guild they all start talking their lines. I dont feel very secret around that entrance lol

» Thu Dec 15, 2011 8:34 pm

My first real wtf moment was when I was making a little tour through the companions hall (whatever its called), sneaking and stealing from the sleeping companions. To train my pickpocketing I steal almost everything and then drop the not-so-valuable stuff. It so happens that I steal an iron shield and drop it.
There's a loud 'CLUNK' in a room full of sleeping warriors - and I think to myself '[censored] I hope the AI is not good enough to register that noise and catch me stealing'.
Well, as I think that, one guy wakes up and gets out of bed. I start sneaking away like I wasn't even there, but sure enough the guy follows me...and says:
'That armor u dropped... can I have it?'
I say sure go ahead. (laughing my ass off)
He keeps standing there staring at the dropped shield with longing eyes... (cant take it cause its stolen I guess

This is great, also reminded me of something:

I was maybe level 15-ish, I was just returning from that first quest with companions (main one not radial) and as I approach Whiterun some Hired Thugs show up to hurt me (I never stole anything... well not from Moira who sent them after me anyway). So I'm playing on master AND carrying around 700 lbs of stuff to sell so I can't exactly move very fast. This is a really big problem but I figure I have a friend along with me maybe this can work. Well I die, load, die, load, etc... I'm determined to do this one way or another and it becomes obvious I need to be able to move faster, obviously being over-encumbered when fighting guys who 2 shot me is no good.

So I load again. They give their little speech about how they're going to hurt me and I pop in to my menu just before they draw their weapons and start dropping stuff so I can run away like a frightened little girl. I throw out all sorts of weapons, armor, and various other heavy things until I get below my carrying capacity and unpause. All 3 Hired Thugs immediately start staring at the stuff I threw on the ground, instead of attacking me.

Then one turns to me and says "Hey, this weapon you dropped... can I have it?" So I look at him and say "Oh HELL NO you can't have that!!" I'm not going to give the guy about to kill me a weapon upgrade... Then he says "Oh... Well you should pick that up before someone steals it" (or something like that) and turns and starts walking away and I'm thinking "wtf?!?" He takes about 2 steps and remembers "Oh yeah... I was gonna kill you" and turns around and pulls out his weapon which seems to remind his friends to stop staring at all the junk on the ground and attack me too.

P.S. I died again....

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 5:34 am

In riften all the npcs are standing at the front of the secret thieves guild entrance. I dont know why maybe they have enough of the random thieves spawning. But everytime i pass along them to enter or leave the thieves guild they all start talking their lines. I dont feel very secret around that entrance lol

I once opened up the sliding grave and inside in front of the hatch I kid you not was the priestess of Mara. I knew temples were rip-offs!

» Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:54 pm

I was in cracked tusk keep i believe for a daedric quest, after getting the quest item i turn and see a trip wire, i look over at the wife and go aha, i told you i'm not that stupid to fall for these traps. I bask in triumph as i cut the trip wire...to find out I was in the kill zone of the spiked wall... She got a good laugh, while i reloaded my previous save.

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 10:26 am

I start teabagging her when this boy shows up and screams something like "AAAAAAAH, SOMEONE HELP!" and i'm all "NO, NO, NO. NOT WHAT U THINKING".

:rofl:

It's your fault for teabagging a girl in the first place

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:53 am

I once opened up the sliding grave and inside in front of the hatch I kid you not was the priestess of Mara. I knew temples were rip-offs!

i noticed that when some one talks to you and you transfer to another area the person spawns next to you. if you run fast enough through the thieves guild and hit the exit the next area is so crowded that you cant reach the handle for the sliding grave

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 11:23 am

I had the worst luck ever for a few minutes i fast traveled too the roadside ruins near Falkreath and as i just start out from the site i run into the old orc and go through the good death bit yada yada and i start a fight with him then some wolves join in then a spriggan matron then a saber cat then a bear then an elder dragon then some spiders then some bandits pretty soon i have an army against me.

I died.
too all who run into that old orc remember my warning, he's a trap.

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 6:18 am

Lydia has obviously conspired against me....

Lydia and I are working our way through what turned out to be a surprisingly brief Nordic Ruin. Right after I sneak attack a low leveled Draugr with a bow shot I come into the room and see a Deathlord on patrol near what turned out to be a rather large pit. It is worth mentioning that at the level I was at the time they could be quite challenging, fortunately I had recntly acquired Iceform and find that it's paralysis affect on top of the recovery time from said effect can buy a ton of time in killing them.

So I charge it feeling quite gallant and by complete chance I Iceform it into the pit, just happened to tumble that way. My first thought is "AWESOME time to level some Archery shooting this fish in a barrel." I'm lining up my first shot for what I expect to be quite the endeavor of plucking his health down with iron arrows when I hear these foot steps rushing up behind me. Then I notice I'm being shoved forward toward and inevitably down into this pit.. with an ANGRY Deathlord in it. I hit the bottom with a sliver of health. At that precise moment, like they planned it that way, the Deathlord Fus Ro Dah's me into oblivion.. I hurled a new personal record amount of obscenities at my television after that reload.

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 5:05 am

Lydia has obviously conspired against me....

It sounds like you need to take Lydia on a picnic on the Throat of the World.

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 6:05 am

I laughed so much when i was on a certain deadric quest and the orc got hit by the giant and just flew into the air.

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 7:16 am

I couldn't bring myself to kill a certain NPC because I was asked to, I'm not a killer for hire after all. But after seeing what an evil minded person they were... I thought.. well.. I can warn them with a little shout.

NPC sat down to eat some lunch, I gave a little.. just a little FUS to give them a fright, and maybe if they charged me.. I'd have a reason to "defend" myself.. but no... a single FUS and they keeled over dead and everyone starts cheering.
I was mortified... I only meant to scare them... I'm convinced it was merely a heart attack, and while responsible, I can't feel too bad about it.. I could have done the same thing by clapping my hands really hard behind their back, or tripped over... definitely not my fault.

There goes my holy paladin image down the drain..

----

Lastly for now;

Dark Brotherhood. Seriously. The ambush stance known as stand by the side of the road and hope your target passes at some point in the next year is NOT effective.

Its even less effective when theres a bear coming
Its nearly useless when a spider helps
Frankly your plan svcks to high heaven when you're in the middle of a bear, spider, a blood dragon, and a mildly annoyed Dovahkiin.

Seriously. Who teaches tactics these days?

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:07 am

This dragon crashed, mid crash hit a tree. The dragon went FLYING into the air, as it treated the tree as a slope.

Also, one time a mammoth fell out of the sky.

And the amazing Backwards flying dragon.

A backwards flying dragon always appears at the elderbood peak dragon lair after the 1.2 patch on xbox 360.
has anyone else met the headless horseman.

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 5:18 am

I had rescued some guy and had to lead him back to his house. As he followed me, we passed by a creek. He then began shouting out: "I'm not a afraid of you! You will never defeat me!" I look to see what the fuss is about and he's arguing with a fish in the stream. It was both hilarious and pathetic. He proceeded to go into the water swimming, trying to kill it but couldn't. My follower got tired of his nonsense and sent an arrow right through the fish and the rescued man was finally complacent.

LMAO, that is pretty funny!

» Thu Dec 15, 2011 10:03 pm

"It must have been nothing..."
(walks away with an arrow lodged in his head)

I remember a Penny Arcade comic about Thief III having the same problem, NPCs ignoring the corpses or arrows stuck in their body. I think one of Bethesda developers worked at Looking Glass back then :hubbahubba:

How about an heroic Whiterun guard who slays a dragon and then turns to me to say: "I used to be..." :ahhh: Gosh I'm glad I didn't encounter him before he took that arrow in his knee! :hehe:

» Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:24 pm

http://i.imgur.com/rB6lS.jpg

» Fri Dec 16, 2011 1:41 am

Had an interesting one recently.

I was at Sky Haven returning katanas I borrowed from the blades, having freshly upgraded them with my smithing abilities. All 5 Blades were outside in the training area, plus me...the Dovahkin....when 3 hired thugs come walking through the door out to "teach me a lesson."

I started by blowing one right off the edge of the cliff with a shout while the Blades hacked the other two to pieces in under 5 seconds. I check one of their corpses and find a contract put out on me for being a "thief." I haven't intentionally stolen anything this whole game. And whatever I stole couldn't have been worth much because I never noticed it in my inventory.

So, note to anyone who may take up a contract on the Dovahkin: Don't attack him in the home base of the Blades over a minor theft!