after struggling and reading most post this is how i did it,
first i downloaded the micr games wind live client, got registered etc;
then i downloaded the 1.7patch from bethesda
then i downloaded the d3d9.dll, dragged it from my downloaded files to the fallout game file, c/program files x86/steam/steamapps/fallout3, just put it in there.
this prevents that dx10 or dx11 kick in.
then i changed the fallout.ini file in the mygames folder: c/users/my name/mygames/fallout3 to restrict the core use
Find the line:
bUseThreadedAI=0
change it to:
bUseThreadedAI=1
Add another line after it and insert:
iNumHWThreads=2
dont forget to save! But important not to move youre mygames folder to a different location because every time you do a patch or update it will create the same folder again on his originally spot, with the originally ini file again, so the changes wont work. i even suggest if you ad a dlc or do another patch to check if it didnt change that file again.
after that i started the game, got the video and sound settings again and i accepted it for now(was put on med quality), went through the beginning screens till i had new game, save, load etc. clicked on live and logged in the mgfl. started new game and it was running perfectly. played for half an hour and started a new game without logging in the windows client, changed even the settings and it runs fine as well. been playing now for 6 hours without 1 freeze or crash.
hope this helps my fellow gamers with the same issues ;D