Well to be honest I can not offer you much on the writting tips part ( Learning that bit myself). But I hope you keep at it (shoots a big thumbs up)

If that is not enough well then you'll ave to bend over and give me a sec to put on my big motivation boot. ( Psst I would just go with the thumbs up)

Love the story! I'm also intrigued by a foray into the Beast Lords.

Yttrium's suggestions are top notch, and the presentation and writing with each chapter seems to improve.

My only two cents would be more expression from the protagonist. It makes sense that she's quiet, given her background... But perhaps some description of her appearance, further than wearing wolf fur and behaving like her furry friends (Descriptions from pre-grandpa times). Also, perhaps some thoughts and opinions, some inner dialogue -- how did she feel about the ghoul upon first meeting him? Does she feel comfortable in the company of a "human" after so long? She was a teenager by the time she made it to her grandpa, so, well, teenagers are usually independent and stubborn, but she seemed to trust the ghoul immediately. Maybe give a reason? Perhaps show some of the transitional behavioural changes as she learns to live life like her grandpa rather than the animalistic demeanor previously. It seems a bit of a sudden change.

Anyway, keep it up! Interesting read.

It had been a few days since Lyn had learned of the radio, and of Gramp's cousin in the north. Her initial curiosity of the radio equipment had passed, and life was back to normal, as normal as a life in solitude among a post-apocolyptic wasteland could be. Lyn was sitting against the outside wall of the fort, enjoying the sunlight. She was playing with a pack of wolves, who she had met a week or so ago, scrounging for food outside the walls. Lyn had kept the pack a secret, mostly because she was stealing food from their stockpile to feed the wolves. As far as Lyn knew, Gramps was taking care of the pigs and brahmin that were kept inside the fort. She was relying on the fact that Gramps wouldn't seek her out to keep her wolf friends hidden.

"That's a fancy trick," Gramps said as he noticed the seemingly tame wolves. Lyn jumped out of her seat out of suprise. A few of the wolves let out a low growl at Gramps, but Lyn quickly shushed them.

"G-gramps, I thought you were taking care of the animals!" Lyn said. Her heart was still racing from the shock.

"I was, but I finished that up a few minutes ago. Besides, I knew you have been up to something recently, and I had to figure out what." Gramps leaned down and held out his hand for the wolves. They came up to sniff his hand, and get a feel for him. I didn't realise Gramps was so good with animals... "I'm curious now, since I'm positive none of the wolves around here are tame. How did you do it?"

"I knew I told you what happened to the Beast Lords...But I never told you what made us Beast Lords?" Gramps shook his head in response, so Lyn took that as a sign to continue. "Well, somehow, we developed a mutation...It allowed us to, well, control animals with telepathic suggestion."

"Well, why didn't you tell me sooner? From now on, you're helping me take care of the farm. Your telepathic suggestion will make chores a lot easier." Lyn sighed. She almost saw that coming. She wanted to help, but didn't at the same time. "From now on, tell me if you are going to be taking food from our storage to feed your friends."

"Alright, alright." Lyn said as she sat back down. Gramps walked back inside then to leave her alone with the wolves. Lyn laid down, deep in thought. My life here is comfortable, but how long can I stay? The Brotherhood was expanding west rapidly...how long before they make their way here? What happens if they find me? Lyn groaned as these thoughts consumed her. She didn't want to admit it, but something had to happen.

Glad to see your back on track, not saying that you left the track, just that you were kinda off to one side. Like one pair of wheels were on the track, and the other side was off. Like you momentarily lost control-

Never mind. Glad to see your writing again.

Good Chapter. Great Chapter. Gratifying Chapter.

A few things. Minor things. Tiny things.

OR should I say thing. One. Uno. Singular.

But it did occur in many places. Allow me to ELABORATE.

Though you have some great dialogue, good stuff I assure you...And the character development is coming along(better than before). But I still have a problem with your imagery/detail. You need more of it. For example.



IN between that EMPTY space, you could easily put some vivid words that shows us the situation. Paint us a picture, shows us the characters, a simply "the old man's wrinkly face creased some more as he smiled", that was just an example. But honestly, I'm having trouble remembering what Lynn and Gramp/ Tyler look like.

A couple words here and there could have took whatever base point you had for their character and solidified it until I had got a clear image in my head. Now you've lost that base entirely, I have no clue what they look like. I think Lynn has blonde, short cropped hair, but that could just be my male mind making her what I want her to be.

You see! Without these details, no matter how great and awesome your dialogue is(which it is), no detail and the story is crumbling. I can only get a foggy picture, cause honestly I have no clue what Gramp's look like.

To wrap it up, lots of dialouge, few details. An unhealthy ratio if you ask me. But I haven't slept for a while, so maybe I'm just going crazy. Either way, keep it up. DON"T GIVE UP.

Good Luck.

Lyn yawned as she walked through the hog barns with Gramps. The stench of manure was heavy in the barns, and Lyn didn't find it easy to breathe. Gramps seemed unphased by the overpowering stench. I assume that after 200 years of doing this, he would get used to it. Hopefully it doesn't take me that long. The pigs were extremely well behaved due to Lyn's influence. Gramps would talk about how they would bite at your legs, and block your path through the pens constantly. Gramps even thought to cut Lyn's hair off short, since her hair was long enough that they could bite at that too. The pigs kept their distance though, and always cleared room for them to walk through the pens with Lyn around. Lyn heard as Gramps clunked his head on a light fixture due to the barn's low ceiling.

"Gah, I always hated this barn." Gramps loudly stated over the constant noise of the pigs. Lyn had no trouble from the low ceiling. She was well under the 6 foot 4 inch clearing, but unfortunately for Gramps, he stood at 6 foot 4. Gramps had finished looking over the pigs, and one of the largest of the pigs had been singled out. The chosen pig followed the two as they made their way out of the pen then outdoors. The pig was well aware of its fate, but it stood silently as Gramps went to grab his gun. As Gramps returned with the .22 cal rifle, Lyn turned around so she didn't have to watch as Gramps shot the pig. It dropped to the ground silently. Gramps then wrapped a wire pig pulled to the dead pig's hind leg to drag it off to be butchered. Lyn shuddered as she walked off to the gate, hoping to spend some time with the wolves. As she stepped outside the gate, she noticed that there was an odd cloud of dust moving down the road, moving at a quick pace. As it got closer, she noticed that a vehicle was kicking up the dust. The vehicle turned onto the path leading to the fort, and stopped just short of the gate. Four power armored figures stepped from the vehicle. Lyn felt a pang of fear, and bolted to the butchering shed to find Gramps.

"Gramps! Gramps! It's the Brotherhood! They found me!" Lyn nearly yelled as she clung to Gramps for support.

"Calm down Lyn, they don't know anything yet. If you don't give them reason to be suspicious, they won't suspect a thing. Now, let's go greet our guests, okay?" Gramp's soothing voice helped to calm Lyn some, but she was still worried. Gramps grabbed his 12 gauge hunting shotgun, loading it up with slugs before slinging it over his shoulder. Lyn followed hesitantly as Gramps made his way to the gate. The four figures stood in the same place they were when Lyn ran off.

"Good day, strangers. What can I do for you?" Gramps asked politely.

The power armored figure that was standing at the driver's door stepped forward. "We come representing the Brotherhood of Steel. We would like to open diplomatic relations, most notably trade, with this, Erm, fort."

"Well, come on in, let us discuss terms," Gramps said as he motioned for them to come in. As Gramps made his way in, followed by Lyn and the power armored figures, he shut the gate and led them inside the house. Gramps and Lyn kicked off their shoes, but the power armored figures just moved in, without even wiping their feet. Gramps led them to the kitchen table, where they all sat down. The chairs groaned under the weight of the power armor.

"So, what are you thinking?" Gramps asked after they all sat down.

"Since you seem to produce crops and livestock, we ask for a portion of excess food. We can supply you with guns, ammo, and medicine," One of the power armored figures said.

"That sounds fair. If you can also supply us with pure alcohol to run my machinery, that would also be nice."

"We can do that," the same power armored figure stated. The Brotherhood members got up then, as did Gramps. Gramps shook the hands of the Brotherhood members, then they exited to return to their base.

"See? That wasn't so bad," Gramps stated as he turned to Lyn. Lyn merely let out a sigh of relief.

This needs a well deserved bump. I kinda feel like I'm talking to myself at this point, but it's okay, I like the sound of my voice.

1.) Numbers one through ten, write them out.

2.) Denoting who says what in dialogue, use a comma in place of a period.

"Hello," she said.

3.) Don't give up.

That's all. It was a nice chapter, the tenseness of the BoS arriving but it playing out to be nothing at all. If you could have played it out so the situation was more intense, it would have been resplendent in awesomeness. As it is, it's still a great story, and I know fanfics don't really get the attention they should, but I don't think you should give this up. Unless you really, really, don't want to continue, in which case I would understand. You have done a marvelous job so far on a very unique character. I just wanted you to know that.

Good Luck.