Chapter 1:Hunt or be Hunted.

"Yao Guai."

"Damnit!" Yao Guai.Those are two words you never want to hear.The ferocious bear-like abominations have been roving the capital wasteland for as long as anyone can remember.Supposedly they were caused by mutations in the wild grizzlies that used to inhabit southern Maryland after the bombs fell and they were exposed to radiation.The Yao Guai are now one the most deadly creatures in the entire capital waste.Scratch that, Deathclaws are the most deadly,but you don't see any of them around often.Pray that you never will.

I was shaken from my thoughts by a sharp grunt to my left.That was Haine, A mountain of a man,all rugged brown hair that looked as if it had been cut with a hunting knife and rippling muscle.The grizzled old hillman had been living in an old hunting cabin in the burned out woodland a few miles from just about everywhere.Most people say that he's descended from a paranoid farming family that had fled to the hills before the bombs fell.Anyone who has seen the moderately large bomb shelter under his cabin will agree.

Beside me and Haine, two other wasters were stooping beside the relatively large claw mark in the soft earth.These were Alac and Kert.They were both around my age,in their mid-twenties with rough hair and skin and simple Brahmin skin or patched cloth outfits.I had found the claw print early this morning while I was out checking the snares set around my property and had rushed to wake up the other wasters and we had headed off to Haine's cabin to get help from the experienced survivalist.

Now we were both standing her clutching weapons.Haine was leaning on his Pump-Action shotgun and had a bandolier of shells strapped across his chest.Kert had a slightly rusted but functional .38 revolver tucked into his waistband while Alac was clutching an old .30/.30 bolt action hunting rifle in a white-knuckle grip.Slung over my shoulder was my own weapon,an aptly named "Survival rifle".

It was a 5-shot internal magazine .22 with a breech-loading .410 bore single-shell shotgun mounted under the barrel.It had been in a small survival kit I had found on one of the simple wooden shelters that dotted the old backpacking trails, Disassembled and in pristine condition along with a few weeks worth of rations,three gallons of bottled water and some medical supplies.It was a hell of a lucky find, Out here in the middle of nowhere you usually have to live on what you find, hunt, or trade for.


As I finished loading in the last stinger into the rifle as Haine finished studying the print. "advlt male,Moving south slowly,chances are it has a den nearby.If we move fast we'll catch up with it in an hour or so." The grizzled hunter slung his shotgun over his shoulder and was beginning to walk in the direction of the tracks when Alac broke in.

"Look,what are our chances that we can really kill this thing" Alac was the youngest one here,a scavenger by trade and a trader by skill.I doubt he had ever killed a thing in his life,and I could tell that his rifle hadn't seen much use in the two years since his father died.I was guessing Haine knew the same thing.

"Ive been hunting up and down these woods for years.Yao Guai are dangerous,but they are still just animals." He reached into his shirt and pulled out a bead necklace strung with claws. "There are four of us,one of him,maybe two.Stick close and shoot for its legs and you'll do fine, 'kay kid?" he patted the young trader on the back and smiled. "Lets go hunting."

Pretty good, I liked it. Oh one thing though Yao Guai were Black bears not Brown bears

Thanks William, at least someones responding.Why is it that everyone seems to ignore my fanfics but succeed in posting at least two or three pages everywhere else?I know that the second it dissapears from the first page of the forum it will be dead.

Chapter 1-Part 2 "Calm before the storm"

"Damnit,anyone have a few more sips of water?" I absently tossed my canteen to Kert as he asked the question and kneeled down to catch my breath.We had all been walking for the last hour,not letting up for food or rest,and still there was no Yao Guai in sight.I turned around and regarded Haine.

"You said something about a den, didn't you?Weve been walking for more than an hour,so where is it?" The hillman just ran his fingers through his scraggly beard and chuckled. "Hey, whats so funny?"

"Its right in front of you,see that cleft in the rock?" He pointed to an indent that was barely noticeable amid the stones. "It probably has a shallow cave in the side.Everyone ready?"

Kert pulled his revolver out of his waistband and cocked the hammer back with his thumb,using his other hand to turn the cylinder once to line a round up with the barrel while Alac fumbled with the bolt of his rifle.I clicked the safety on my .22 to "Off" and slipped a .410 into the breech of the shotgun under the barrel and rammed it closed.

The hillman smiled,pumping his shotgun and holding it against his chest while he pulled something of his pack.It was a small flaregun constructed of cheap red plastic.I remembered finding it in the survival kit,and seeing no real use for it,trading it and the flares that came with it to Haine for some strips of salted brahmin meat and a few bottles of Nuka-cola.

The hunter loaded a flare and aimed the contraption at the cave mouth,the tiny plastic weapon looking pitiful in the hands of the six-and-a-half foot tall hillman. "Okay,here's the drill,I smoke it out and you three shoot at it as soon as it runs from the cave.It'll be pissed and ready to kill so make sure you don't miss."

Everyone nodded except Alac, who had gone completely pale.Me and Kert had gone through a lot of s*** and had at least a little experience, my father had been a good trapper and scavenger,and Kert had been born into a mercenary outfit.He had wandered in here when he was about seventeen,about six years ago and taken up in an old storage shed about fifteen minutes walk from me and my dads shack.

Me and my dad had helped him through rough times and taught him the few survival skills he lacked.Kert Malcen was a man of few words,but he was good with a gun and a natural survivor.He had been with me when the raiders had attacked last year,and he had been there when my father had died of his injuries a few weeks later.It was a shame, but what were we going to do,track a dozen armed raiders through the wastes and try to gun them down? Things happen, and you just have to live with it.

Alac Ruiz hadn't learned the same lessons yet.He was from a wandering trader family.He had grown up with a bodyguard protecting him and plenty of money for whatever he needed.When his caravan had finally ran out of luck and been raided,he hadn't even had to fight.His dad just handed over the goods and money,near broke and out of luck,they had moved to the southeast borderland between D.C. and Maryland,where wealth and status meant very little.

They had settled down and started farming brahmin,trading hides,milk,and meat to us locals and the traders that passed by.The the kids luck ran out again when his mother died giving birth to a second son who also died during the procedure.His father had squandered their money on booze and one day killed himself out of grief.The kid was no fighter,and he was emotionally scarred.He was set with a small herd of brahmin and a sturdy home,and we all did our best to help him out when we could.

We wouldn't have brought him on this hunting expedition if we could afford to, but there was noone else close enough and healthy enough to come.We had to deal with Yao Guai den before more started showing up.There was no brotherhood in this part of the wasteland to protect us,so we couldn't risk having a pack of carnivorous beasts on our hands.Now he was here,clutching a rifle that was probably only used to slaughter a brahmin or two each few months,about to come face to face with one of the deadliest creatures in the area.

"Look....Alac,if you don't want to go through with this,we can give you a few minutes to get to cover and wait it out" That was the first time Kert had spoken more than a few words since I had told him to fetch his gun this morning and he had promptly told me to go f*** myself and come back in fifteen minutes when he was done sleeping.He had caught up with me, revolver in hand, five minutes later.He was a tough guy,but he had seen both his real father,who had treated him like crap,gunned down in front of his eyes. And he had seen my father,who had treated him as if he was one of his own,succumb to his wounds after days of agonizing pain.He knew what loss felt like,and he knew that not everyone could just become steely and distant so that they could forget the pain like he had.

Alac just looked down and shook his head.I knew that pity had done the trick.Alac knew that to be part of this middle of f****ing nowhere community meant he couldn't come halfway across the nuked forest with us only to half-ass it at the end.If there was anything his father had taught him when he had broken down and shot himself,it was that a man has nothing without pride,and without your pride,you give up on life and do some dumb-ass thing like drown yourself in alcohol for a half a year and then blow your own brains out.

The kid was staying now,I could tell it from the determined set in his blue-green eyes and the way he slowly and deliberately rammed closed the bolt on his rifle and set it against his shoulder,staring down the iron sights,the muzzle of his rifle aimed towards the cave.He nodded once,and that was all the answer Haine needed for his question.The hillman took careful aim,the flaregun pointed at the cave and his shotgun slung at his hip,ready to be fired one handed as soon the flare drove the Yao Guai out of its den.

He silently mouthed One..he began to depress the small plastic trigger...Two...he leveled his shotgun into firing position so that he could put a wall of lead between himself and the cave mouth...Three..the hammer clicked and the flare ignited,whizzing past the cleft and into the cave mouth,exploding inside the cave with a sharp bang and a disorientating flash of light.I think my heart stopped when I heard a deafening roar from within the cave..then another..then another.

The end of chapter 1 will be out tomorrow,hopefully.Please give me some input,and if you don't like it,just tell me,its better than making me think that noone is even bothering to read it.

I'm enjoying it so far and I don't know why you're not getting more love on the forums for it. I wonder how many are actually in there...

It's because those are RPs. Fanfics don't get much interest, and the ones that do are mostly the bad ones. Anyway, you have a decent start. Keep at it.

Nice stuff, but just a word of advice; put spaces after your punctuation. So:

"He silently mouthed One..he began to depress the small plastic trigger...Two...he leveled his shotgun into firing position so that he could put a wall of lead between himself and the cave mouth...Three..the hammer clicked and the flare ignited,whizzing past the cleft and into the cave mouth,exploding inside the cave with a sharp bang and a disorientating flash of light.I think my heart stopped when I heard a deafening roar from within the cave..then another..then another."

Becomes;

"He silently mouthed "One" He began to depress the small plastic trigger, "Two" He leveled his shotgun into firing position so that he could put a wall of lead between himself and the cave mouth, "Three" The hammer clicked and the flare ignited, whizzing past the cleft and into the cave mouth, exploding inside the cave with a sharp bang and a disorientating flash of light. I think my heart stopped when I heard a deafening roar from within the cave...Then another...Then another."

I made a few other corrections there aswell. Ellipses (dot dot dot ) are three dots long, not two and in most of the places, they weren't really needed. A good comma works there. If you use ellipses too much, they lose their power, much like exclaimation marks.

Keep going, you'll only improve. ^_^

Thanks to everyone for the good input.Chapter 1.3 will be out soon,so keep watching.

Chapter 1.3 "Fear and the storm"

I spaced out for a minute after hearing that roar,and then I realized that this was the first time I've been afraid, truly afraid, since the raiders attacked six months ago.I remember that after I was afraid,I was angry.Me and Kert had chased after them as they ran away firing at their backs.They had gotten away though,all of them except one.I had caught him in the leg with my fathers lever-action.

I remember seeing the raider,one of the men who had mortally wounded my father,collapse onto the ground.I remember seeing Kert walk up right next to him and emptying the cylinder from his .38 right into the raiders skull.Then I felt pity.I have no idea why,but I did.Kert hadn't though,he had just stripped the raider of supplies and left him there,his brains splattered all over the ground.I had quit feeling that pity after I examined my father.Most of his wounds were knife cuts,and I distinctly remember Kert complaining that all he had gotten off the raider was some water and a rusty combat knife.That was when I lost compassion for human life.

For a second I thought I was going to lose it,until I heard the shot.I raised my head and wiped the tears from my eyes to see a hulking form stepping out of the cave and a thin plume of smoke coming from the muzzle of Kert's revolver.The Yao Guai was huge,with scraggly brown hair growing in patches all over its body,and in the furless patches its skin was a sickly greenish-yellow.There were scorch marks on it where the flare had detonated,and there was a tiny hole where Kert's shot had struck home in its torso.It gave single roar and charged at Kert,looking feral and deadly.

He met it with four more .38's in the chest,but it seemed to not even feel the bullets as they struck.In three seconds,it would be on him.I shifted my finger to the trigger for the .410 bore,and remembering Haine's advice,aimed it at the creatures legs and pulled the trigger. Bang. The spray of hot lead pellets caught the beast in the back legs, causing the monstrosity to stumble,letting out a high pitched howl of pain.

This bought Kert enough time to jump to the side as the creatures forward momentum caused it to slam forward with the power of a battering ram and crash into an outcropping of rock.I turned around to see Haine working the pump on his shotgun furiously,unloading lead into a second,larger, beasts knees and chest,each volley knocking it back a few inches until a sharp crack from Alac's rifle brought it down.The young farmer was almost knocked over by the recoil,but he just kept pulling the trigger,to no effect.

"The bolt dammit,The bolt!" I heard kert scream to him as he plunged his six-and-a-half inch long knife,the same knife he had taken off the raider,into the first Yao Guai's neck,burying it up to the crossguard in the creatures windpipe and silencing it forever.He twisted the blade,just to make sure,and had problems getting it back out again.

I turned back to Alac,who had finally gotten the bolt on his rifle open.He rammed the bolt home and took aim, and not seeing any target to shoot at,aimed a question towards Haine."Do you think that's all of them?" He asked,his voice both pleading for it to be true,but also quivering with a hint of anticipation for another monstrosity to fire at.

The Hillman's face went grim as he noticed the faint hint of the setting suns reflection on eyes just within the cave mouth.He just pointed,and that was all the answer we needed as a pair of the largest Yao Guai I had ever seen stepped out of the cleft into the sunlight and just sat there as if they were examining us.

Kert,who hadn't heard or seen anything because he was still prying at his knife,abandoned the weapon and silently cracked open his .38 and dropped out the shells,reaching into his pouch and retrieved another moon clip.All of this seemed to happen in slow motion until I heard the shots.Haine had fired off the last two shells in his 12 gauge in quick succession,one into each of the creatures front legs and faces.One charged left at Haine and Alac,and the other charged right at Me and Kert,who had just finished reloading his revolver.

I heard Alac's rifle go off and noticed that their Yao Guai didn't even slow down.He had missed,the kid had f****** missed.I turned my .22 and fired two stingers into its chest and then regarded my own problem.Only to see it crash right into me.Then everything just went black.

Thats the end of chapter one,and im starting on chapter two now.

Chapter 2.1 "Wake up"

"Is he even alive?" I barely heard it, on the edge of my consciousness.

"I seriously don't f***ing know!" Much louder.Kert's voice, definitely.

"Calm down,he's breathing,so he ain't dead." Gruff, heavy accent, knew what he was talking about, flawed english, Haine.

I tried to say something but my voice was so strained you couldn't hear it.I began moving the fingers on my left hand, they worked, so I slowly began to open my eyes.

"Kert,Kert,I think hes waking up!" I could tell it was Alac from how clueless he sounded.

"What!Let me see?!" Kert again.I opened my eyes as much as I could and saw Kerts blue-gray eyes looking back.I tried to talk again but nothing came out but a hoarse,scratchy moan. Kert placed a hand on my shoulder and motioned to the side."Look,its okay,your going to be okay.Haine says you have two cracked ribs and a broken arm,Its surprising that yao guai didn't do worse to you."

I turned my head a bit and saw Alac's large, blue-green eyes.He was standing over my bed like kert and he had thick white gauze wrapped around his shoulder.He seemed to be using his rifle as a crutch,the stock tucked under his left arm.He was smiling.

I tried to speak again and something actually came out."What happened, how did you get rid of the Yao Guai?"
I remembered the hulking beast charging towards me,then nothing.

Haine pushed kert out of the way,deciding to explain it himself. "Kert got rid of the one that tackled you,he emptied a cylinder of .38's into the back of its neck at point blank and proceeded to beat a fair sized hole into its skull with the butt of his revolver before I could pull him off of it." At this,kert smiled,apparently pleased with his mindless act of rage against a dead animal.

"The other one got Alac, but not before he had loosed a rifle shell into its brain, and that plus your stingers must have killed it,it still landed on top of him thought.Snapped his shoulder and collar bone,it did." The hunter reached to the side and pulled out a syringe, probably morphine, and slowly injected it into my injured shoulder. "All in all,you took the worst of it in the end.Me and kert had to practically drag you back semi-conscious. Were back in your shack now,we've all been here since we came back three days ago"

I was about to say something, but the drug knocked my out before I could get the first word out of my mouth.

Next part of chapter two will be out later this week,just keep checking back and leaving reviews,and I'll keep writing it.

This is just a notice saying that if noone else responds to this im giving it up as a lost cause,because I dont seem to be getting any more reviews and I dont want to waste my time on it if it is.

Keep writing, I think you're doing great. Just because no ones responding doesn't mean they don't like it. People just probably read it and are too lazy to comment. I like it, but remember, spacing is very import. After every comma you have to space for it to be correct, that goes with periods also.

Example: George took a bite out of the sour apple, and tossed it to the side. He just couldn't find any that tastes right.
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And also, whenever someone talks, start a new paragraph, like this,

Example: George had been searching for a tasty Apple for days, maybe even weeks. He was walking past one part of town when he saw it. An enormous red apple tree!

"Finally!" George exclaimed, as he dashed towards the tree.

George hoisted himself up onto one of the tree's limbs and plucked an apple off of one of the branches. He observed the apple to see if it was ripe, and believed it was fine to eat. He opened his mouth and took a bite, it was juicy, and it tasted great! But wait, something was... mushy... George looked at the part of the apple that he had just bitten into, sure enough, there was a half dead, fat bloody worm, sqwirming around in the apple.

"Yuck!" George cried, as he spit the apple out onto the grass and wiped his tongue continuously.

It looks like George would never find a tasty apple. Then he got hit by a car.


The End.
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Do you understand what i'm saying? If not just send me a message and i'll help you out.

Keep writing!

I get what your saying,thanks for the advice.I'll start back on writing it tomarrow.

Chapter 2.2: Recovery

The next few days were like a movie that you keep having to pause to go do something so you only see it in short bursts.I only woke up a few times and only for a couple hours before I either passed out or the pain got so bad that Kert had to inject me with a bit of my dwindling supply of morphine.

The first time I woke up,it was at the sound of the door closing.Kert had just came back into the shack with a bedroll over his shoulder and a box of supplies in his left hand.He dropped the box and waved.
"Whats up,my favorite bedridden roommate?"

"Uh,pain,I guess...whats with you?" My shoulder still felt like it had been lit on fire and I still couldn't feel my abdomen,but at least my head was clear.I guess the morphine had flushed out of my system.

"I'm here to babysit you,of course.Make sure noone decides your house would be a good place to scavenge from." He went back to paranoid-mercenary training mode,double bolting the doors and set the rigging for the tripwired sawn-off shotgun I had pointed at the door.If anyone tried to force the door too far they wound take two loads of birdshot in the face.

I had set it up after the raiders had came last year,and I had gotten into the habit of rigging the weapon every night.I had gotten almost as paranoid as Kert after that night.My shack was small,but I had plenty to protect.My father had constructed the shack from discarded sheet metal he had ripped of a long abandoned train car and fortified it with the trunks of burned-out trees.It had a floor area of about thirty square feet,but only twenty square of available floor space.

Against one wall rested a refrigerator hooked to a mid sized generator.Power was rare in the wastes,and the mid-charge generator was a find of the ages.The generator also powered the two small bulbs hooked to the cealing and an old radio.No heating or cooling,but there was a furnace set into a wall alcove.I used it during winter,the deathly cold moths between September and March.It was mid-fall right now,and I already had a stack of old nuke-scarred limbs and trash to burn,along with bags of slow-burning brahmin fat I had purchased from Alac.

Winter would come soon,and we wound have to be ready.During the winter months Kert grabbed everything from his shed and moved in with me and my dad,just me now,because he lacked heating or power.Haine's cabin had a small fission generator and heater,while Alac just burned brahmin fat and huddled up with the animals for the winter.

Kert spoon-fed me dinner and I nodded off,knowing that I would get better sooner or later,and until then I was in good hands.Haine visited me every few days to check how the bones were setting and Alac brought me food and whatever medical supplies he could get from the traders.It was an easy few weeks.

If only it could have lasted.


Next chapter in a few days...leave comments!