I would ask that if anyone wishes to share this, that they give credit where credit is due. In this case, that would be to me,
http://julliangreenman.moonfruit.com

This is a tale written for my character who is currently named Jethro-Tul, an Argonian Bard



Wine, Women and Wealth

Here layeth tales of a place I had been.

Tales of fortune

In fair Leyawiin.

Introduction

Through the marshes and

Through the trees

I left my home on Rains Hand, the 12th

When In the waters and

on the breeze

I caught the scent of wine, women and wealth!

-

Part I

The Gates

At Leyawiins gates, I came to a halt,

Twas a crooked guard, he told me to stop.

“Your face, t’is one that I have not seen

And newcomers are due to an entry fee.

Dear citizen I tell you, I’m not from up top,

I am mearly a gaurd, it is not my fault”

I had not wished for confrontation

And my gold was my own, not for the theif

I looked him in the eye with condemnation

And asked “Have you ever slain an Orc Chief?”

He furled his brows and he shook his head “No”

“Only the strongest could ever do so!”

At this I smiled and from under my shirt

I presented “The tusk! Of the Chief Gro-Bashgurt!”

The Crooked Guards mouth dropped in awe

And he quivered in his boots at the sight he had saw

He stammered, “Oh, no forgive me please!

I had not recognized you, my sight, tis diseased!”

I entered the gates of Leyawiin fair

and turned to the thief and gave him a glare

I said “You best remember this day, no?

The day that Orc-Chiefs-Bane had let you go!”

-

Part II

Song for a Septim?

I found myself within Leyawiins walls

Where the nobles walk and the beggar crawls

The sun was on high, the air was thick

With heat bearing down, my lips I did lick

I found myself parched, in much need of ale

I reached for my purse and my scales did grow pale

Then with a laugh, I shook my head

“I haven’t any gold, I never did!

However shall I taste sweet mead on my tongue?

But of course! My lute! A song must be sung!”

Off I went! To the market square!

To lay out my hat for gold to be spared

I strummed and I sang the most joyful of tunes

of a Khajjit and his fiddle!

And the Guar that jumped over the moons!

My skill was unmatched, my voice was divine!

The crowd had grown larger, line after line

They laughed and they clapped and they all did cheer

Even the noble who thought my song queer!

When I concluded, my wealth had grown

Gold up to my knees, my hat overflown!

My praises they cheered, names I was given

Honey-Tongue is one, and Voice-From-Heaven!

I bid them all thanks, I bid them farewell

“Now mead I shall drink, ’til my bellys a’swell!”

“I’m off to the tavern, my throat, ’tis parched!

I gathered my things and to the tavern I marched!

-

Part III

The Inn (Of Love and Mead)

The Inn was one of which it’s been told

that you could drink forever, had you enough gold

And they had sweet-rolls! (only the freshest were sold)

But alas, of all Inns, their beds were the most cold.

When I did enter, I was astounded to see

A fair Golden Elf, Barmaid was she

She bowed and spoke “What can I get you?”

“A barrel of mead, I’ll be having a few”

To this she gasped “You can’t be serious!

You can’t drink all that, you must be delirious!”

“Serious I am, for I have quite a thirst

Heed my request and your coffers will burst!”

I sat in the corner, in my chair I did sink

while the Golden skinned elf acquired my drink.

I looked all about, and what did I see

T’was all the towns women, gazing at me!

Other than a wink, I paid them no heed

All I cared for was my barrel of mead.

I looked out again to a whole other sight

T’was all the towns men, wanting to fight.

“You think you can come here and take all our women?

Than take them from us, you oversized chicken!”

They drew their blades, axes and maces

one aimed a bow, right where my face is!

With a huff and a puff, came the elven barmaid

rolling the barrel to where my feet layed.

I opened my arms and took a deep breath

“Friends, friends, do you really want death?”

Drinking is something I’d much rather do!

I am so thirsty I could drink for two!”

At this they all laughed, “HA HA HE HO!”

“Thirsty are you?” Shouted the one with the bow

“Than you must drink yourself right under the table

unless you, Drinks-From-Barrels, think your not able!”

Cup after cup, I drank and I drank

Each one I slammed with a clink and a clank

After each barrel, the men would all jeer

Unlike the towns women, each of them cheered!

As the night went on and on

One by one, the town’s men all yawned

A few moments later, they all lay asleep

I too grew tired, I called for the innkeep

I had been laid to rest in the finest bedroom

When over my bed, shadows did loom!

As I laid in silence, almost asleep

Into my room, the towns women did creep!

Of what happened next, you will never believe

But I am not one who likes to deceive!

All I can say is that there were some yells and moaning

and this had gone on, ’til early morning.

I awoke to the rooms doors being flung open wide

There the Innkeep stood, spear at his side!

Among the towns women and also myself

Laid his fair daughter, the golden skinned elf!

Kisses I blew as I gathered my gear

Dodging the Innkeep and his long pointed spear!

To the window I ran with no time at all

I opened the shutters and out I did crawl!

With rage and malice the Innkeep did say

“If you ever return, with your life you will pay!

You have drank us dry and you spoiled our women!

Do-Not-Serve, your name shall be written!”

The Inn is now one on which I have heard

Only one glass of mead may ever be served

Luckily they have the warmest of beds

And of their sweet-rolls, well, nothing is said.

-

Epilogue

Through the marshes and

Through the trees

I had gone home all by my self

To Leyawiin I’d been

where I had been seen

Savoring the taste of wine, women and wealth!