Let's brush aside all this nonesense about CHIM, Prolix Towers, Thalmori soteriology, Chiral divinities, Vekh, Why The Dunmer Didn't Deserve Red Year, Vekh, Lifespans, Vekh, and Vekh, and talk about something important for a change. Something people can really relate to.

Let's talk about food.

By my reckoning, the cuisine of Tamriel can be broken down thusly:

Altmer - Mineral water and smugness.

Bosmer - Bosmer.

Dunmer - Bugs and stuff that comes out of bugs.

Orsimer - Dung?

Breton - Fine wines, heavy sauces, shallots.

Cyrodil - Flavorless gruel (see: http://www.imperial-library.info/content/red-kitchen-reader).

Nord - Three food groups: 1) Alcohol 2) Meat 3) Fistfights

Raga - Lots of hummus, I imagine.

Khajiit - Sugar.

Argonian - No idea. Perhaps they can unhinge their jaws?

I thought that was highly amusing. Bosmer

Alduin - World

...The hell is a Raga?

Redguards

Argonians, toxic sewage. It is what flows into Black Marsh, after all. All of Tamriel's crap, flushables, and things dumped in the river. Maybe they're like svcker fish.

Well, I don't know about you guys, but my Argonian eats Nords Sweetrolls. Given the fact that they are everywhere, I'm sure they are the main dish of Blackmarsh.
..........
And now to be serious

I have a feeling argonians may eat the exotic plants and animals of Black Marsh. Now if a Nord tried to do the same, he would end up dead

And I think I know how they http://youtu.be/OM9jhGiIAFM!

Here's a question: How do you make sweetrolls?

In Skyrim, they look like they have a cake-like texture to them with a sugar glaze. Something like a cake doughnut then? Or not as heavy as a doughnut but lighter like poundcake?

AndHaute, you're posts are always amusing. Cheers!

Seems like a third of Infernal City is a cookbook.

Raga: Lost in the wastelands. Drink my own sweat.
Mechanically-activated filters converting the liquid back into precious water

This seems like a good enough time to promote my idea for a new Argonian-centered Morrowind play style. You play an stealth Argonian wearing light armor drinking tons of alcohol, wielding only a spear with the only magic you use being levitate. I call it:

Crouching lizard, hidden copy of the Lusty Argonian Maid.

Don't forget: in Skyrim, wasabi is a delicacy.

Jeez, Nords'll put wasabi on anything, if you give them the chance

the Bosmeri Jagga sounds disgustingly delightful - good old fermented pig's milk

Dunmer cuisine is just pretty much anything with merrow and carapace meat. Bring salt.

And if you could solidify light into a spongy material and hotstone bake it with highly filtered liquor, you can be sure that it would be the next craze amongst Altmer nobility

There was a dev post back in the day that said Argonians ate their food while it was still alive, and found the idea of eating dead things more than a little unusual.

Khajiit seem to like anything sweet, but they seem to also like their cheese, judging by the Elsweyr fondue in Skyrim.

And that Khajiit innkeeper in Oblivion with the collection of fine cheeses. Dunna why, but cheese just really seems to fit Khajiit.

It's easy to see how the idea of eating a corpse could be odd, even revolting.

Anything pleasing to the senses is obviously a foul Daedric trick meant to lure the devout Cyrodiil from the true path of the Nine.

Hello. My name is Alessia Ottus, and I'd like to tell you about bland, yet pious Cyrodiilic cooking...

Pssh, your ignorance of the elves never ceases to amaze. Altmer do not need to consume such base material as water, and the Bosmer have a highly varied diet including sixteen different sorts of cat, various Colovian meats, one imga delicacy, and limited quantities of refined Altmer fare.

Yes. Instead, Altmer must drink tea prepared to an exact temperature, and an exact amount of sugar. Otherwise, it poisions them. But it's also the only fluid that provides substanince.

Or, if need be, they can sustain themselves on smugness alone.
(That was the joke I was originally going for)

...

I knew that.

Huh, so the Dark Brotherhood is Cyrodiil's exception to bad cooking. That's just strange.

I took it more to mean that orthodox Alessians operate by the mantra "take fresh ingredients and boil the sin/flavor out of them". I can't imagine the Nibenese uppercrust not being all-out gourmets.

Cooking, getting rid of the body, its all the same. If he enjoyed that meal he should try the http://www.imperial-library.info/content/dance-fire.