Tanderlous III

Post » Fri Nov 12, 2010 5:08 am

Hey, this is a poem that I have thought up...to...well, get more attention to my current fanfic, The Coast...again. The main character in it has written a poem, thought not the poetic type (or so he claims). This one from memories of days passed.



Starlight wondering through the door
Red candles, my scent they bore
A contract made of halted breath
Watching as the widow wept
Gone and out of sight, out of mind
Her tears to my knife, I use to bind
Jostled from the slightest breeze
I tumble as from a traqeze
Out the window, open as an exit
I remember the family name, and I hex it
As evil as my deeds done wright out
I can still hear the widow scream and shout
All her prayers to be left alive as she cowered
Yet upon her dead husband's chest, a flower
Blackened rose and golden thorns
The skull of a raven on it I adorned
So may she always remember that night
Every time she sees a raven in flight
As it is rather amusing to myself in a way
I am not near, yet remind her every day
That her husband was slewed for a fair wage
More that it cost to make his grave
Grieve, forlorn widow of that starry night
In the chambers that hold insight
As to who it just was that befell your love
As to who it just was that held the glove
In his slender arms, malefic attire
Play your sad song upon this broken lyre
And beg for gold if you must make a path
For your previous life is over, at last
Yes the play you set up was quite the feint
And only I know of your love's true fate
It was you who payed me to end his existence
For you said your wedding was a deliverance
From your father to this man you did resent
In return for Skooma, so foul your intent
I tell not your secret, I care even less
My work was done elegantly, possibly the best
So now you can remarry to whom you may please
Perhaps it is a man with endless sundries
As you are the widow, deadly and foraging
And I am the contractor, willing and foraging
For any good gold done by bad deeds
To spend only on my next trip over seas
To another place far away from your home
To do the same work as to you saw shown
So funny it must be then and as a sign
Ravens happen to be a favorite bird of mine.



If you liked it, be sure to check the story out!
http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1078436-the-coast/
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Miss K
 
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Post » Fri Nov 12, 2010 5:53 am

Hmm, now I'm not one to criticize poetry, as it really can be anything your heart desires, but don't you think it would better if you broke it up into multiple stanzas instead of one big one? Probably make easier to read, seems the rhythm is a little funky too, at first it seemed to be Rhyme/Near Rhyme/ Rhyme/Rhyme pattern but you switched up later on. And in the first line I think you mean wandering instead of wondering, but hey, this is poetry and I'm no English teacher. I'll read your story at some point in time today or tomorrow, hopefully it's not too long or it might take me a little more to catch up. At any rate: Thanks for Sharing :)
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Phoenix Draven
 
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Post » Thu Nov 11, 2010 11:55 pm

its pretty long man...
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Hearts
 
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