The wasteland is hell, nothing more, we all died in the explosion, this IS hell.... Savannah, Georgia, nothing, rubble, no one knows if there were any vaults here, no one cared, it was all rubble, they were all caved I'm if there were any. There is no ground, only shattered cement, reshaped steel from the bombs heat; nobody has ever seen dirt, or a real tree, only death.

It stinks of death. My coming into this world was quick. My mother died, Men in large metal suits, probably power armor, took me away as a child I wasn't even a single year old. My life was short, I think. One of the people in the suits told me something, it was a woman, and I can't remember what she said though. I heard loud sounds, yelling men dressed in welded metal, gun shots. "Mitchell! Take the kid and get out-" more screams, from the men in the suits. The woman grabbed me by the stomach, the second she knelt down to grab me a bullet flew straight in front of my eyes. The bullet started fast, but then everything slowed down; I could see every scratch on the bullet from being released from a broken chamber. Then, everything continued at normal speed, the bullet hit the woman's helmet, cracked her visor; I could vaguely see a foggy green eye and a few strands of long blond hair. She ran as fast I have ever seen something move before in my short life, faster than anything before, even the bullet. As she ran she took her helmet off, she was so beautiful, so young; her skin was pale and unscarred. I didn't know anyone like this could be found in the wasteland. After she ran about a mile away from the firefight, she stopped and checked a strange device on her wrist with a screen on it and began to play soft music, I felt happy. "Everything is going to be alright, just stick with Me." her voice was so soothing, I felt safe. I began to laugh for the first time in this world, "there you go little guy!" she laughed too. She started to walk, she tried to walk smoothly, but she was still in shock. She was still trembling, and she started to cry. She tried to hide it from me; I had been crying the last two weeks while crawling around, I could tell she was. Not even a year old and I knew what I was doing, I pretended like I didn't know she was crying and soon slept, the cold metal armor may not have been very comfortable but I felt safe.

I was later woken up by the woman and two men in loose clothes covered in blood writing on clipboards. I looked around and noticed I was in a small bed, it was clean and colorful, it made me smile, the woman smiled when she saw me happy. She wasn't wearing armor, she was much smaller. "Hey there little guy, I'm gonna be your new mommy, can you say mommy?" she was so motherly and caring; "we're going to make a big strong knight out of you in no time!"

2 years later
"Mitchell, have you thought of a name for him yet?" Grandpa was asking mommy. I was playing in my room, I was so clever, they thought I couldn't here them. They were both sitting at a table in my room drinking fresh water. "Not yet, Dad," Mommy seemed impatient with Grandpa, "I don't want him taking any extra crap from the older initiates, has already going to be the youngest initiate, and I came from a vault." What was a vault? "You may be right there, but a name is a name, nothing to be mocked over, and if any initiates pick a fight with him I'm sure he can take on more than one of the-" "Elder Quince!" it was uncle Ronald, he was teaching me thins about guns already. "Ronald, my son, do not call me Elder, you shall address me as father!" Mommy always listened to Grandpa, but not Uncle Ronald. "Yes eld-... father, Paladin James has left with half of the new initiates; he deleted his and the initiates' files! I think they've gone rogue!"

12 years later:
"Happy birthday Weasel!" all of the initiates were here for my birthday, even Uncle Ronald came, I may not be the most loved but I'm not hated. "Ah you guys really came for my birthday or the free water and food?" I was surprised though, I dint think they would give a damn, all of the initiates are two years older than me. "A little of both! Ha-ha" Albert, he's a real fun guy, pretty chubby and only fifteen. "Robert, I can't believe you're fourteen, it feels like its been months since we got you out of the wasteland" Mom is here! "Mom, shouldn't you be in the gun cage?" I love to mess with her. "Ah, Cameron'll get it, pretty slow day anyway hasn't been much to shoot lately" Cameron was one of Mom's soldiers. "Hey Robert, I brought you something! I found it in an old Rob-co building! I fixed it up to top shape for you" That's scribe Shelly, she's eighteen but I can tell she likes me a lot more than a friend. "Shelly you really didn't have to rummage through rubble to get me a gift" she's just smiling, I love to see her smile, she's gorgeous. "Well, I did, all for you." Her hair was a golden brown and her eyes were a dark green, I felt as if I could look into them and become lost forever. "I found an old Pip-Boy, and I fixed it up and put all your information it into it, so let me just put it on your wrist." She gave me a hug and put my arm in her hand and attached the Pip-Boy, I tried not to feel any part of her I shouldn't but it was hard not to, she looked so great, even in a greasy robe. "OK, I have to go to the archive room, bye Robert!" she giggled and kissed me on the cheek and walked off. She barely turned her head, letting her long brown hair flow just below her shoulders, almost taunting me with her beauty. Sadly there wasn't any cake but we had potato crisps, fresh sealed apples, and plenty of fresh water. I looked over my Pip-Boy, it was all exact information. Shelly must have copied everything from my file into it, which must've taken hours. I scrolled to the notes section to see if she added any combat tactics or maps into it. Strangely, the long list of maps, weapons, and soldiers started at the bottom. I scrolled to the top and saw why, it was a picture of Shelly with me from a few days ago. I noticed it was very comfortable, I looked at it more and noticed thin padding inside of it; Shelly must have put it in. My Pip-Boy started to vibrate and the screen read "TRAINING IN TWO MINUTES". I hesitated to go speak to Shelly and thank her and tell her that I did feel the same way for her, but I didn't want to be late.

As I went outside I noticed that our trainer, Paladin James, was wearing his helmet. I looked around him and noticed that there was Brotherhood Power Armor with our banners on the left shoulder-pads as well as our names printed onto them. "Today you soft skinned pinks are gonna learn how to use and maneuver in power armor, now be aware, this is the same kind of advanced power armor used by our brothers in the eastern United States! Wear it with honor!" I was honored, deeply honored, I was going to be a knight among the Brotherhood of Steel. "Well sh*t, weasel get that look off your face or i'll shoot it off!" what an [censored], i hate Paladin James. "YES SIR! I am deeply honored to be clad in this armor sir! I am aware that I am two years younger than every initiate but I will willingly prove myself better than any of these bags of sh*t! sir!!" bull, I already am better. "ha ha, just what I would expect from you, but no special treatment, only higher expectations! you got that?!" hell yes I do. "Yes sir! you tell me to jump i will willingly jump until you are laughing! you say kill i will jump the fence and gut the nearest mutant! you say eat I will cook that mutant and serve it for dinner! sir!" damn right. "good, because I will be expecting that and more of you! they're ready, Bring the behemoth into the cage!" The giant arena cage was about half the size of an old pre war football field. "All right, you each get one laser rifle, forty four micro fusion cells and a combat knife!" We all started walking, there were only eight of us, and one of us was going to die. He's not letting me use any power armor, I'm only wearing army fatigue pants, no shirt and no shoes. I turned around and say Shelly, she was worried, I ran to her and told her not to worry but she still was. "Thanks for the picture, I'll make sure I can see it while I'm getting crushed" she smiled; I always try to make her smile. "Just make sure you can still fight, you don't have to kill it yourself" she was wrong, I did have to kill it, to remind everyone I was the best. "I love you Robert, please don't die out there" I love you too, always will, I couldn't say it though, I don't know why, I just walked away. Al walked up to me and tried not to stutter, "i-i-i-f we s-s-s-shoot it i?i-in the b-b-b-back of t-t-the head" he calmed down, "its spinal cord sticks out there." I'll do that, I have to kill it. "I bet Tim is gonna get stepped on" Jim was an [censored], small little ass. We walked into the cage, waiting to kill the behemoth. When it was released it was probably four stories high. Al and I ran behind it while Tim grabbed its leg and shot at it. It kicked him into the cage wall, he was dead, he was really dead! When I saw this I gave my laser rifle and cells to Al and took his knife and mine, I was furious, I climbed it using the knives. When I reached its head I jabbed my knife through its skull as deep as I could, it wasn't killing it so I stabbed its eyes out. It didn't work; it was just angrier and killed two other initiates. I jabbed the knives into its throat, looking for the jugular. It went down, crashing, I had killed it!
When I was walking back I noticed Mom talking to Paladin James, she din't look angry at all. I chose to ignore it and walked to pick up my power armor, it looked new, it was strange; everyone Else's had scratches on it already, mine was new. I had to cut up the left gauntlet somewhat in order to fit my Pip-Boy screen and buttons through it. Pissed me off i had to do it. 'I'll turn it into the gun cage after the ceremony and see what they can do with it' I was thinking that, it was embarrassing already turning my armor in for repairs, I hope Cameron is still working, he's a nice guy.

7 months later
I always heard it didn't snow in Georgia, bull.
The snow was so thick we could stand upright at six and a half feet tall and not be seen while wading through the snow in the dark. "Shell, the signal coming clear yet?" My radio wasn' picking up much yet. "That's a negative Robby, think we can really catch where those uglies are coming from?" Shelly was working RADAR for my squad. "If we can find these mythical transmissions from that 'smart' super mutant, we have a good chance of finding where they're coming from. As for visual, this snow should make heat detection easy." damn its cold, even in this power armor. "I hope so, watch your flanks, cant let you die out there. I want you back here" advice from a scribe? Oh well she wants me there, I know that, "I will, you're my top priority; return to Shelly" I heard some laughing through the speaker, "What the hell? Albert! et back onto team communications! now!"
We found the basemant entrance from a building with the debris covering it swept away from it. Perfect mutant base. "Jacob, bust this door!" barking orders after only four months on the field, nice. "Its a wooden door, no lock, braced from the inside. You want to go in quiet?" I wouldn't of told him to if I wanted quiet. "You're Jacob for god's sake, what do you think?" he took his shotgun off of his back, a custom double-barrel, reflex scopes on each barrel, a side 'clip' to load his shells in when he broke the barrel away and a solid steel stock. Instead of shooting it open, he jumped high into the air and jumped on the door, knocking them both down. "Sounded like......fat human, yum!" super mutants, I couldn't see down there at all. I heard two gunshots from Jacob's shotgun and an "all clear" beep on the com link.


I wrote this on word, unfortunately the spacing looked good in word, I was really tired when I wrote this and its probably full of grammatical and spelling errors. I've always been told that I'm good at writing but I never saw it, should I continue this?

Oh God...

Not That It's Bad Just...

GREAT WALL 'O' TEXT!

...didn't strike me as much text. Should I continue it?

Not bad, needs a little tightening up, but overall a good effort. As for the wall of text thing, don't worry about it (other than maybe breaking it up into clearer paragraphs - indents don't seem to work as well). This forum is very RP centric, and as such has a tendency to be populated by those with (and no offence intended) shorter attention spans (possibly due to time constraints and not neccessarily mental capacity). I would continue with it, but I would go back and clean up the first installment before doing so.

When writing fan-fics on these fourms

Break up paragraphs with a space

Like

So

Other than that, it was good, but you should have given it a real title, maybe make what you current title is the title desciprition or something.

[Deleted]

[Deleted]

[Deleted]

[Deleted] Sorry did not mean to spam, I have NO idea how I did that.

(Looks up.) Wow.

Gah, that story made my eyes hurt. It's good enough, but please use proper spacing if you continue.

sorry for seeming lazy but that is just too much for me to revise, sorry, ill add more when im back home

It's actually very good. As the others have pointed out, you might want to space it out, a bit. I'm working on my own, but I'll get it totally finished before I start posting.

I felt adding that slight romance was necessary, most good books have some kind of romance

I hopped down, the rest of my squad following behind me. I looked around the room, there were mini-nukes, half built, half destroyed. There were chains and cages littering the ground, painted with blood. Shattered glass, burnt flesh, I could smell, see and feel it all in a twenty foot by twenty foot room. Jacob was standing at the door of a closet, there were muffled grunts and thumps behind the door, Jacob opened it. Sitting in a chair, gagged, beaten and bleeding was a ghoul, screaming at the top of his lungs at the metal harbingers of death before him. Without word, Jacob grabbed the ghoul, tossed him over his shoulder and carried him out of the shelter. We all left, without word at all. One of my men planted a flag at the doorway, leaving a mark for ammo scavenge. It would be a long walk home.

that better?

whether people are reading this or not, I'm writing it

When we returned we tossed the ghoul with the other recruits, not a word to him, just another ghoul, paranoid of bigotry, trying to be a hero for his people. We all stayed silent, our mission complete. Our day's work completed, we left the building, it was a newly built building, next to the beach, it was clean. The sand, white, soft, clean, the waves, the water, so calm, so clean, no radiation, no explosions, or the ringing of gunshots. Peace. None of us had armor or robes on, we lived the life of normal citizens when our work was complete, we owned Georgia. The super mutants were pushed back into the ground where they had come from. We had clean water, clean cities, a functioning world. Unfortunately, it was just our world, we had heard about how badly the West Coast was doing, and Chicago, Chicago was a mess.

The information I had learned in the past few months, tore me to pieces, killed me inside. The Enclave, our government, had killed my family, and left my mother, crawling, bleeding, and in labor. They had been pushed back easily, almost as if they left. People were being turned into those abominations, pillaging and destroying other innocents, destroying society.

Shelly, Albert, and I sat at the beach, staring at the ocean, at the crystal blue waters, free of radiation. the pure beauty of it, it gave us something to live for. It had become a symbol to us, a symbol for the fight to rebuild humanity, the right way.

I like it but maybe make it a bit longer?

i will, but im pretty pre-ocupied with school and my girlfriend and then the AV club. I'm very busy and writing and camera work are just hobbies

Well, I'll just give you the advice I seem to be giving everyone these days. That is, watch the misspellings and mistakes in grammer, and increase the length. I'm too tired, as usual, to give more criticism than that.

God I need a cup of coffee.

no, you need a red bull!
I tend to use a lot of grammar mistakes, some on purpose, gives the proper reading "beat" over correct usage

Shelly and I sat there, staying at the ocean, the sun glistening onto the azure fields. Shelly moved closer to me, resting her head at my shoulder, "Robert, do you want to stay with the Brotherhood? Would you ever leave? For the life of a settler?"
"Never."
"Really? Why?"
"I would be relying on the Brotherhood, I'd be helpless."
"But you wouldn't get shot at every day."
"Don't worry"
"But I will!" She moved closer to me keeping her arms around me, "I always will." We spent that night on the beach, until sunrise that morning. We had a house together, after my mother was moved, so I was living with Shelly, in a new beach-side town. I loved her, I would always be there for her.

And my girlfriend broke up with me....damn....

What!?! Is that real life???? If so, sorry man.

yea, oh well, i'm young, I'll find another girl

great fanfic keep up the good work

That morning I woke up, early, very early. Shelly was gone. I got myself up, the city lights were off. Still waking myself up, I approached the city's walls. It was a huge city, two by one square miles, its walls were so high, so clean. Brotherhood nests lined the walls, it was the most protected city ever built. We never named it, we finished it only four weeks ago. Nothing looked like it was made from scrap metal or loose debris, we had constructed it all from cement we had obtained. It was like looking at a pre-war picture or a schematic. I walked around the walls to the gate, a steel double-door, next to it was a giant gate as tall as the walls of the city. I slid my card through the scanner and came in, there wasn't anybody walking around or any lights on. I came to my house, rather an apartment. I opened the door and came into my room, Shelly was asleep in our bed. I didn't want to wake her up, I opened up our refrigerator. I grabbed a few eggs and a pan, I started to make eggs when I saw nothing was plugged in, I thought the city must've lost power. I didn't let it bother me, I got into bed with Shelly, trying not to wake her up.

please note this intended to be kind of depressing at the core

The sun rose, only a few hours after I fell asleep. My insomnia had made sleeping unbearable, I hated every minute of it. I dragged myself up, throwing my hands around to find my tags in the dark. I found them, I put my uniform on, an ACU shirt, pants and gloves. I made my way to our armory, the power was still out, still no one to be seen. I unlocked the door, walked to my locker, empty. "[censored] it," I sighed, I opened the weapons locker, my rifle was gone, I grabbed the only gun left, a G3. A fumbled around, still trying to get my head together. I looked around the empty armory, there wasn't a thing that hadn't been taken, some lockers were left open, keys tossed on the ground. Whatever happened, the Brotherhood was in a rush, something rarely found.

I left the city, starting my patrol, nothing odd. I was alone, unafraid, tired, and unprotected. A stray gunshot flew past my face, barely missing forehead. I sprinted to where I thought the gunshot came from, There I had seen the strangest, most horrific scene. Brotherhood troops, circled by hundreds of super mutants, barely avoiding them. Men were crawling away from the mutants, their legs crushed and broken. Half the mutants weren't shooting, grabbing at the soldiers, breaking their legs and backs, and tossing them behind them. "Son of a [censored]" I ran behind the closest mutant, thrusting my dagger into his skull, bringing him down like a mountain. I ran into the group, trying to see if anyone in my squad was with them. Albert. "Al! What the hell is going on? What happened to the city?" I tore the grenade off a dead soldier's bandoleer, tossing it into the mutants. "The mutants! They crawled out of the [censored] sewers! Last night!" he unloaded another clip into the crowd, bringing a couple down. I rolled a second grenade into the group. "Three....two...." the grenade came flying back, right at my feet, I kicked it, trying to get it as far away as possible. The grenade detonated, far enough away from most of the other soldiers, but knocking a few of us into the super mutant crowd.

I dropped my gun in the air. I smashed to the ground, probably breaking my arm. I tried to crawl away, just like the rest. A super mutant picked me up, it shoved its face into mine, spitting on me. It had me by my legs. It broke my legs over its knee, and tossed me behind it, just like the rest. I scrambled to crawl away, rubble and debris tearing at my body as I tried to move. I fell unconscious, my face in the dirt. I am just like the rest, I am not that good, I am a grunt, I am expendable.


spell checked every past post
Criticism would be helpful....

Good work! Keep it up! :goodjob: