Teresa - Moving Through Darkness II

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 1:28 pm

Well, here we are, topic #2 in Moving Through Darkness, and #3 overall.

You can find Not A Hero - the first act of Teresa's drama - http://www.gamesas.com/bgsforums/index.php?showtopic=1047284

You can find the first thread of the second act - Moving Through Darkness - http://www.gamesas.com/bgsforums/index.php?showtopic=1054548
User avatar
:)Colleenn
 
Posts: 3461
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2006 9:03 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 1:23 pm

May I, as the first poster in your new thread..

1. Congratulate you on the smoothness and power of your writing delivery? I havce said it before, but I say it again now - you are a standard of writing I aim for, and criticisms from you are something I not only look forward to, but think about ... even up to one month later!

2. What on earth are imp chips? Surely not tiny and stinky imp droppings???
User avatar
Kortniie Dumont
 
Posts: 3428
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 7:50 pm

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 6:56 pm

Who is the minx now? = , "I mean, you won't even touch sausage, let alone eat it. It's only fish for you?" - ROFL !! I may choke next time I am eating sausage thinking about this line, lol.


"Teresa stood silent and closed her eyes,..." - This stood out to me as one of those super details that you are so known for that I always miss employing; it is such a natural and realistic defensive action that is rarely thought of, but used IRL all the time - really Awesome that you included that little detail !!

I was rapt in this chapter, the emotions, the situation, the opening up, then the re-sealing on a new level of the friendship - every bit of it perfectly related through your writing. You know how to get across true human emotions, thoughts, and feelings in such a clean way, it is bare-bones! Awesome Write, and congrats !!



@ Foxy - RE: the smell of imp chips? EW! I am closeting that with your graphically detailed cat pee smell story!


*
User avatar
WYatt REed
 
Posts: 3409
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 3:06 pm

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 12:11 pm

"I mean, you won't even touch sausage, let alone eat it. It's only fish for you?"

:biglaugh:

That was my favorite part. I love that she's still friends with Methredel. I've always liked her.
User avatar
Svenja Hedrich
 
Posts: 3496
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2007 3:18 pm

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 8:11 pm

Congratulations on the new thread. :celebration:
It brings much more than a faint smile to see that you will be continuing to grace us with your powerfully amazing writing!




Acadian: I did some work on those two passages you cited. Hopefully they read smoother now.

They surely do, while preserving everythng I think you were trying to do.
User avatar
Jonathan Windmon
 
Posts: 3410
Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2007 12:23 pm

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 6:33 pm

Bring on Bravil baby !!!

Sorry, I couldn't help it. :embarrass:

Oh, and congrats on the new thread. Wow, that Teresa is really coming on as a believable character.
Thumbs up from me.
User avatar
Jonathan Braz
 
Posts: 3459
Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2007 10:29 pm

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 5:46 pm

As always, excellent. The fight was easy to follow/believe, and that can be a challenge in itself -- well done!! :)
User avatar
Eliza Potter
 
Posts: 3481
Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2007 3:20 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 5:13 am

I have never read your writing, but I am going to start. I have heard great things about you and your writing, and I am going to start fresh with a new thread. So, I'm ready to start reading! Bring on the greatness!
User avatar
Dan Wright
 
Posts: 3308
Joined: Mon Jul 16, 2007 8:40 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 7:35 am

I have never read your writing, but I am going to start. I have heard great things about you and your writing, and I am going to start fresh with a new thread. So, I'm ready to start reading! Bring on the greatness!


EB, I would suggest that you start at the beginning, with the first Teresa story. I may presume too much, as I'm not speaking for SubRosa here, but IMHO Teresa's character is a constant "work in progress" as she finds herself in new and varied situations and learns and grows through her experiences; to fully understand how intriguing it is, one must start at the beginning and follow her journey. I am not saying that you will not enjoy the story -- I'm sure you will find much to delight in it -- but I think you will like it better if you know more about Teresa before delving into the middle now. :) That's my $.02, anyhow. :P

Oh, and allow me to reiterate all the wonderful things you've heard about SubRosa's writing! :)
User avatar
Frank Firefly
 
Posts: 3429
Joined: Sun Aug 19, 2007 9:34 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 1:08 pm

"I mean, you won't even touch sausage, let alone eat it. It's only fish for you?"

Hmmm .... Methedrel is right, methinks.

For the opposite of sausage does smell a bit like fish...

:whistle:
User avatar
Elena Alina
 
Posts: 3415
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2007 7:24 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 6:22 pm

"I mean, you won't even touch sausage, let alone eat it. It's only fish for you?"

Hmmm .... Methedrel is right, methinks.

For the opposite of sausage does smell a bit like fish...

:whistle:

Eeeewwww..... :yuck:
Methinks you met the wrong er... opposite. :rofl:
User avatar
luke trodden
 
Posts: 3445
Joined: Sun Jun 24, 2007 12:48 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 5:38 am

And our Bosmer's emotional and spiritual growth continues. Change often happens whether we will it or not- acceptance of change is a more difficult climb.

I want to highlight one passage that stood out for me- no, not that one- others have already tilled that field.

No it was this:

"All of my life I chose poorly," Teresa said, "well, no more. Emperor Uriel trusted me, he believed in me. I can still see him when I close my eyes. I won't betray that faith he had in me."


First, this says so much about Teresa. She is embracing the change in her life, her status, her worldview. And she is saying- "I DO have a choice." Moreover, this moment shows something that we should ALL feel when first playing the game-

"Hey- I just met the no-foolin' Emperor! And he talked to me like I was someone who matters!"

However much I want to, I cannot blame the lack of awe on the game design. Rather it is a comment on our own jaded nature as gamers- "Yeah, yeah, fine. Gimme the stupid Amulet so I can start playing."

But for Teresa, that absolutely was a defining, life-changing moment. And you write it wonderfully. An excellent continuation to a brilliant story.
User avatar
GLOW...
 
Posts: 3472
Joined: Thu Aug 03, 2006 10:40 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 3:48 pm

Note- I wanted to use more smileys, but the forum made me take most of them out...

1. Congratulate you on the smoothness and power of your writing delivery? I havce said it before, but I say it again now - you are a standard of writing I aim for, and criticisms from you are something I not only look forward to, but think about ... even up to one month later!

2. What on earth are imp chips? Surely not tiny and stinky imp droppings???

1 - Thank you very much. Flattery will get you everywhere... :D
2- Probably flaming too! That is a direct result of the forum's swear filter. I could not use the word I wanted to, so I had to search for something that would pass but not sound too silly.


Who is the minx now? = , "I mean, you won't even touch sausage, let alone eat it. It's only fish for you?" - ROFL !! I may choke next time I am eating sausage thinking about this line, lol.

What about the next time you eat fish... ;)


I was rapt in this chapter, the emotions, the situation, the opening up, then the re-sealing on a new level of the friendship - every bit of it perfectly related through your writing. You know how to get across true human emotions, thoughts, and feelings in such a clean way, it is bare-bones! Awesome Write, and congrats !!

Thank you muchly!


"I mean, you won't even touch sausage, let alone eat it. It's only fish for you?"
That was my favorite part. I love that she's still friends with Methredel. I've always liked her.

Thank you! I know what you mean about Methredhel. Whenever I see her in the game now, no matter what character I am playing, I think "Yay its Methredhel!"



Congratulations on the new thread. :celebration:
It brings much more than a faint smile to see that you will be continuing to grace us with your powerfully amazing writing!

Thank you muchly!


Bring on Bravil baby !!!
Oh, and congrats on the new thread. Wow, that Teresa is really coming on as a believable character.
Thumbs up from me.

It is bringing. Thank you!



As always, excellent. The fight was easy to follow/believe, and that can be a challenge in itself -- well done!! :)

Thank you Rachel. The fight was harder to write than the six in the last chapter, because of the forum swear filter. Finding the right word that would not get censored was a real battle.


I have never read your writing, but I am going to start. I have heard great things about you and your writing, and I am going to start fresh with a new thread. So, I'm ready to start reading! Bring on the greatness!

Thank you Elite! :) It will probably not be posting anything new until the weekend, so if you do have the time you might want to go back as Rachel suggested and look at some of the older topics. I do not really expect you to read through all of them, as it is a lot of words. I came into mALX's writing near the end of her first thread, and I remember it took a long time for me to read through it all and get caught up. But what Rachel said is true in that what I have been concentrating on with writing Teresa is showing her gradual development as a person over time. She starts out as a street urchin with no real respect for herself or sense of obligation to anyone else. By the end of the first thread she was a completely different person. Now at the beginning of the third thread she still has a very long way to go before she finds who she really is. I think that a lot of the enjoyment that people do find in reading her is seeing that personal growth happen.


For the opposite of sausage does smell a bit like fish...

Egasuas? Is that one of those new alchemical ingredients they introduced in the Shivering Isles? ;)



And our Bosmer's emotional and spiritual growth continues. Change often happens whether we will it or not- acceptance of change is a more difficult climb.

First, this says so much about Teresa. She is embracing the change in her life, her status, her worldview. And she is saying- "I DO have a choice." Moreover, this moment shows something that we should ALL feel when first playing the game-

"Hey- I just met the no-foolin' Emperor! And he talked to me like I was someone who matters!"

However much I want to, I cannot blame the lack of awe on the game design. Rather it is a comment on our own jaded nature as gamers- "Yeah, yeah, fine. Gimme the stupid Amulet so I can start playing."

But for Teresa, that absolutely was a defining, life-changing moment. And you write it wonderfully. An excellent continuation to a brilliant story.

I think you really hit the nail on the head of what makes Teresa an interesting character, at least for me. She is essentially a regular person who has learned that she does indeed have the power to change who and what she is, and by extension change the world around her. It is a power everyone has, but one we have been taught to ignore, herself included. It was only meeting a truly great person like the Emperor that woke her up, like a bucket of cold egasuas in the face. I think my favorite passage in the entire series has been this one that so exemplifies what an impact Uriel Septim had on her:

But another part of her pictured the Emperor's face and remembered his words. He had given her something no amount of gold could compare to. What she did, she did for him, and nothing else.
User avatar
Kristina Campbell
 
Posts: 3512
Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2006 7:08 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 5:59 am

What about the next time you eat fish... ;)


ROFL! - I ... ( * Edit for content * ) Oh, which reminds me - I will have to PM you, as Leydenne has forbid me to post it. ROFL !!

Egasuas? Is that one of those new alchemical ingredients they introduced in the Shivering Isles? ;)



Nae, this is only a reflection of sausage. The actual opposite of a sausage would be a donut hole, or maybe a pita bread? Hmmm, I will have to research this further.

*
User avatar
Cathrine Jack
 
Posts: 3329
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2006 1:29 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 6:43 am

About time for a new post. Once more what I had originally planned to be only one chapter has turned into three. This current one I am posting is something I had in mind for a long time, but I never had it envisioned in a way for it to work. Then a few nights ago it came to me, and I have been writing furiously to get it on the screen. This will be the first, but not the last, chapter written from the pov of Volsinius. Because it is about him and his life, it has a lot of military titles, which are entirely based off the Roman Legions of the early principate. I have used the latin names for ranks as I think it adds flavor, but I have tried to write it in such a way that you can understand what means what.

* * *

Chapter 9a - The Grass Crown

Volsinius stood alone at the gate between the Market and Arena districts. A steady flow of people shuffled past him, going from one section of the city to the other. Most were working folk dressed in wool or threadbare linen, a few were wealthier commoners in finer, cleaner linen. Here and there was a noble in velvet and lace, and to balance them out a street urchin or two wearing nothing but dirty sack cloth.

Out of habit he glanced down the streets that curved away to either side along the wall. Then he turned to cast another look through the open gate to the Arena District. Nothing was out of place, he thought. No guilty eyes flashing in every direction that gave the apprentice thieves away, nor the hard, measuring gazes of their masters.

Where was Brekke? he found himself thinking. It was nearing the noon hour, and he had not seen her all day. The girl had to be hungry by now, he thought. She had better not be stealing food again?

That is when he saw something that was very out of place. Stalking down the main street of the Market District was his Watch Commander, centurion Hirtius. His transverse crested helmet was on his head, and the vine staff that marked his authority was clenched tightly in his fist. Whatever this is, it cannot be good, Volsinius thought. Hirtius always took his lunch in the watchtower at this time. If he was out on the street he was likely to make someone else regret it.

"Legionary Volsinius!" the centurion's bark rang out down the street as he approached in a clangor of armor plate.

"Centurion." Volsinius' frame snapped rigidly upright as he brought his closed fist to his chest with a clash of steel on steel.

"I don't know who your friends are, but they sure have connections," the junior officer said dryly as he stepped in front of Volsinius and returned the salute.

"Sir?" Volsinius said, wondering what the centurion was up to.

"You are to immediately report to Legate Phillida at Fifth Legion headquarters," the shorter Imperial said.

"Sir, my relief has not arrived yet," Volsinius said, his eye once again darting down the side streets. "There is no one to watch the gate."

"I'm your relief soldier," the centurion spat. "Now get a move on, the legate isn't going to like waiting."

"Yes sir." the response flew from Volsinius' lips as reflexively as had his salute. Leaving the centurion behind him, he marched down the main thoroughfare that cut through the Market District. The road was crowded with people of all races, but he had no difficulty making his way. With his height and bulk, not to mention armor, the waves of humans and elves parted before him with ease.

His eye glanced at Jensine's shop as he passed by the arcade in which it was located. Simplicia was sweeping the cobblestones in front of the store. Her withered frame was clad in a simple green and brown dress. Her face was lined and weather-beaten, and her hair a grey tangle. She was only fifty years old, Volsinius knew, just a decade more than he was himself, yet she looked as old and withered as a seventy year old.

In his mind's eye he conjured up the Imperial woman as she was twenty years ago. Her hair had been as dark as Nocturnal then, and her skin smoother than cream. He remembered the gentle curve of her wide hips and the firm plumpness of her briasts. Even now he could see her smiling as wicked as a Daedra princess as she beckoned him into her bed at the Peony Pavilion. He could smell the jasmine and sandalwood of her perfume, and still feel her hands running over his features?

Volsinius jerked his head away as Simplicia turned and looked straight at him. Damn! he cursed inwardly, there he was again, wool-gathering about the old days. He could forget about all of the other prosttutes he had been with, usually as soon as he left their bordellos. So how come after all these years he was still thinking about her?

With an effort he pushed the image of the young, voluptuous Simplicia from his mind. That was the last thing he needed to be thinking about when he had been summoned to the legate's office. What in the name of Talos would Phillida want with him? he wondered. For that matter, how would the commander of an entire Legion even know that a simple foot soldier like him even existed?

Whatever it was, it could not be good, he thought. The last thing any legionary wanted was to be noticed by an officer. Nothing but trouble could follow.

With that uncertain dread in the back of his mind Volsinius marched to the center of the city, where the White Gold Tower rose up high into the blue summer sky. Around it sprawled the many buildings of the palace complex, enough to make for a small city in its own right. At the wide entrance to the complex stood a double row of praetorian guardsmen, clad in shining armor inlaid with gold-plated dragons.

What a bunch of peacocks, Volsinius thought as he approached, probably softer than a feather pillow too? He would sooner have one girl like Teresa with him in a fight than a dozen of them. He took off his helmet and tucked it under one arm so they could see what a real solder looked like, and strode past them with his back straight and head held high.

He had never been to the Imperial Palace before, but he had no trouble finding the wing that housed the headquarters of the Fifth Legion. He only had to follow the grey, dragon-emblazoned tunics that soldiers wore when not in armor.

In no time he was in the outer office of the legate, staring at a one-legged cornicularius. The senior clerk walked from the general's inner office with a crutch under one arm, and carried a stack of parchments tucked under the other. He was older than Volsinius, with closely-cropped hair that looked more grey than black, and his scarred face had the texture of old leather.

"What in Oblivion happened to you son, fall asleep in the fire?" the clerk laughed as he looked Volsinius over.

"Happens every time I drink too much Nordic Whiskey!" Volsinius returned the laugh with one of his own. "What about you, a mudcrab get the best of you?"

The other man laughed as well. This was no strutting peacock, Volsinius thought, but a real soldier like himself. It was the last thing he expected to find in the polished marble and silks of the palace, but a relief none the less.

"So what on Nirn are you doing here soldier?" the clerk asked as he laid down his parchments and eased behind a wide desk. "Shouldn't you be out killing something?"

"Legionary Volsinius reporting as ordered." Volsinius snapped to attention again. He did not salute. A cornicularius was staff position, he knew, but still one belonging to a legionary like himself rather than a ranking officer.

"Oh, so you're Volsinius then?" the other soldier said with cocked eyebrow, then motioned to a bench along one wall. "I'm Lentulus, the chief parchment-pusher here. Have a seat until the legate's ready for you. It'll probably be a while yet, he's got a meeting with the Watch Commanders right now."

Volsinius sat as instructed, laying his helmet beside him on the marble bench. A moment later a group of librarii entered the room with more paperwork for the cornicularius, and the one-legged man sent the lesser clerks away with the parchments which he had brought from the legate's office.

Volsinius waited as the day crawled by. After twenty years in the legion he was used to waiting. Half of the time waiting was all a soldier ever did, he thought. Then the other half it was hurrying to go somewhere else to wait.

In time a group of men clad in shining armor even more resplendent with gold and silver than that of palace guards issued from the legate's office. He recognized them immediately as his legion's tribunes, remembering Hieronymus Lex from his time at the Waterfront, and of course his current commander Audens Avidius. The others he did not know by their faces, but their armor said it all. Most of them did not appear to even notice him as they walked out, except Lex, who looked him straight in the eye and nodded.

The cornicularius was hobbling into the inner office then, and when he returned a moment later he motioned Volsinius within.

"The legate will see you now," he said.
User avatar
Gracie Dugdale
 
Posts: 3397
Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 11:02 pm

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 6:08 pm

Vols and Simplicia? Wow, I guess its a good thing Teresa isn't going for him. That might feel a little funny. Pretty interesting, though. I wonder what it is that made her so memorable.
User avatar
Becky Palmer
 
Posts: 3387
Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2006 4:43 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 9:55 am

I love this line:

What a bunch of peacocks, Volsinius thought as he approached, probably softer than a feather pillow too? He would sooner have one girl like Teresa with him in a fight than a dozen of them. He took off his helmet and tucked it under one arm so they could see what a real solder looked like, and strode past them with his back straight and head held high.


This is really intriguing - I can't figure out what is going to happen to him! Now I am going to get a headache till I know something, so HURRY !!!! Lol - This is a "No Cliffhangers Zone!" Awesome write!
User avatar
Jimmie Allen
 
Posts: 3358
Joined: Sun Oct 14, 2007 6:39 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 2:18 pm

:read: Masterfully done! Let no one doubt your amazing versatility as a writer. It is clear to this old paladin that you have done your homework, and done it well. Mindsets, mannerisms, all of it portrayed with an effective realism.

I found Vols here, to be the gritty real deal. He is indeed multidimensional and you have captured that.

If one did not know Vols, the following two passages would, all by themselves paint a very clear picture:
In his mind's eye he conjured up the Imperial woman as she was twenty years ago. Her hair had been as dark as Nocturnal then, and her skin smoother than cream. He remembered the gentle curve of her wide hips and the firm plumpness of her briasts. Even now he could see her smiling as wicked as a Daedra princess as she beckoned him into her bed at the Peony Pavilion. He could smell the jasmine and sandalwood of her perfume, and still feel her hands running over his features?

What a bunch of peacocks, Volsinius thought as he approached, probably softer than a feather pillow too? He would sooner have one girl like Teresa with him in a fight than a dozen of them. He took off his helmet and tucked it under one arm so they could see what a real solder looked like, and strode past them with his back straight and head held high.

(I note that mALX and I were crafting our comments at the same time and that she also identified one of these same passages - further testimony to its power.)


Thank you for lavishing this entire segment on Vols simply reporting as ordered. I know sometimes chapters tend to grow a little. I'm glad you are giving this one wings.

One tiny item for you: 'yet she looked as old and withered as {a?} seventy year old.'
User avatar
candice keenan
 
Posts: 3510
Joined: Tue Dec 05, 2006 10:43 pm

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 10:23 am

I'm new here in the fan/fics,but I have read all about Teresa in the past few days.

Great job,and I am waiting for more with great anticipation.

You went from Teresa to Volsinius so smoothly.
But somehow I fear for volsinius's fate right now,he's turned into such a likeable and good fellow after the deadra incedent.
User avatar
Bereket Fekadu
 
Posts: 3421
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2007 10:41 pm

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 5:44 am

I have not studied as much about Roman history as I should have. Most times I just hit a friend at work if I feel the need to find stuff out.
Very nice idea to include the titles and such. Must be a favourite pet of yours.

Once more what I had orginally planned to be only one chapter has turned into three.

:rofl: Writing does have a way of doing that, doesn't it ?
User avatar
Heather beauchamp
 
Posts: 3456
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2007 6:05 pm

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 1:23 pm

For me there were two points that struck me as particularly gritty realism.

vols comment that it boded no good when officers noticed you..and his appraisal of the strutting members of the Praetorian guard as strutting peacocks, and his recognition of the crippled but experienced clerk as a real soldier.

Yep: that's what happens IRL in the army. Sometimes the guys with the guns are just toy soldiers, and some REMFs (if you don't know that acronym, ask Acadian what it means, 'cos I ain't telling you) are the real deal.
User avatar
Solina971
 
Posts: 3421
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:40 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 1:36 pm

For me there were two points that struck me as particularly gritty realism.

vols comment that it boded no good when officers noticed you..and his appraisal of the strutting members of the Praetorian guard as strutting peacocks, and his recognition of the crippled but experienced clerk as a real soldier.

Yep: that's what happens IRL in the army. Sometimes the guys with the guns are just toy soldiers, and some REMFs (if you don't know that acronym, ask Acadian what it means, 'cos I ain't telling you) are the real deal.



I always know what MF means, however:

In his mind's eye he conjured up the Imperial woman as she was twenty years ago. Her hair had been as dark as Nocturnal then, and her skin smoother than cream. He remembered the gentle curve of her wide hips and the firm plumpness of her briasts. Even now he could see her smiling as wicked as a Daedra princess as she beckoned him into her bed at the Peony Pavilion. He could smell the jasmine and sandalwood of her perfume, and still feel her hands running over his features?


Thanks to my new mod, I now know what SubRosa meant by "features!"
User avatar
Niisha
 
Posts: 3393
Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 2:54 am

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 3:20 pm

Jacki Dice: Teresa and Vols! ewwww! :blink: He's old enough to be her father. Not to mention he was her childhood boogeyman.

Vols' feelings for Simplicia are first referenced to back in http://www.gamesas.com/bgsforums/index.php?showtopic=1054548&view=findpost&p=15372492. Basically he was an 18 year old country bumpkin in the city for his first time, and Simplicia was the first woman he had ever had six with who really knew what she was doing. "I had no idea women could be like her. She could curl your toes!... Needless to say, she made an impression because he murdered a man for her (in a most gruesome fashion too) rather than arrest him.


mALX1: I could have Nerussa come by and give you a scalp massage, that might take care of that headache... ;)

And not those features! :o


Acadian: Thank you Acadian, that means quite a bit coming from a knight of the globe and anchor like yourself. Portraying that mindset comes natural, it is in my blood, considering where I was born.


night owl: Hi Owl! Welcome to the TF! :wave: I am glad you are enjoying the escapades of my stringy wood elf.

Vols is a likeable fellow, if you looking at him from a certain point of view. Right now that pov is favorable. But a lot of other characters do not feel as generous toward him as Teresa does now. In fact, there will be a few thousand Cyrodiilians adding him to their "Most Hated" list a few days after the next installment! ;)

Do not worry though, I am not planning to kill him off. Not at the moment at least.


Winter Wolf: I was reading about history when other little girls were reading Nancy Drew. I still had Peter Connolly's Greece And Rome At War beside me as I wrote this chapter though.

I promise that one day Teresa will get to Bravil. It should be chapter 12 now...


D.Foxy: Thank you Foxy! I am a Navy brat. I was born on a base in fact. So I know all about REMFs, etc...
User avatar
Toby Green
 
Posts: 3365
Joined: Sun May 27, 2007 5:27 pm

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 6:28 am

Volsinius waited as the day crawled by. After twenty years in the legion he was used to waiting. Half of the time waiting was all a soldier ever did, he thought. Then the other half it was hurrying to go somewhere else to wait.
:rofl:
I guess the military is the same everywhere :biglaugh:
btw, I don't know the acronym but I have a good idea what it could mean. My brother's been in in the military for some years and often came home with acronyms that would NOT be suitable here.
User avatar
Adam
 
Posts: 3446
Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2007 2:56 pm

Post » Sat May 28, 2011 7:57 am

I am so glad you have exercised your writing magic with Vols- pov shifts can be tricky, but this one feels natural. I think part of that is that you have developed a fully-realized city in which your characters can live their lives. This installment is a nice change of pace in another way, as it gives us a glimpse into the life of a soldier- and into his past.

I had an ex-Airborne colonel for a boss once. He had a habit of "inviting" 2 or 3 of us into his office, and then silently working on something as we contemplated our "sins." When he finally got to whatever the reason for the call-up was, it would usually be 3 different things- one for each person. But he was also waiting for the guilty conscience to lead to an attempt at explanation.... To me, you get that whole feeling exactly right.

One missed word:

"...about when had been summoned...."


Should be "about when he had been...."

Remko- the "safe for work" part of it is "rear echelon."
User avatar
Roberto Gaeta
 
Posts: 3451
Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2007 2:23 am

Next

Return to The Elder Scrolls Series Discussion