It is kind of weird how red hair is so prevalent. Sort of like a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, only with hair, and no pants. Umm, nevermind...


mALX1: Yay for chick stuff! Lots more of that coming. Now that I think of it, even shopping and a makeover!


D.Foxy: Now I suddenly have Sammy Hagar's song Red in my mind.


Winter Wolf: Thank you. I am glad the pace is working. This is the part of the story where it might seem to slow down quite a bit.


treydog: I am glad that Teresa comes across as being likeable. I was not really trying to make her that way, come to think of it, but if the audience does not like the main character in some way, a story is doomed.


bobg: Thank you bobg.

Great work yet again! I read the new post last night, but I was in a reading and not writing mood so I delayed the reply until today. I enjoy the work you do, and it is helping me tons when it comes to realizing what I like in a story. (which I really need right now, because I am in the planning stages of my ow fan-fic right now) Also, your skill with words leaves me urning for more. Keep it coming.

SubRosa, sorry so slow to comment (out of town). I just read chapters 4, 5 and 6. Wonderful!

Ch 4:
"she drew her magicka up from within her and poured it into her rent hand with a flash of white light. The flesh closed around the wound?"
Your descriptions of spellcasting continue to be innovative and fun to read.

"Teresa nodded. His logic was inescapable?"
I would submit it is the author's logic that is key here. You make some of the key factors in the tutorial make perfect sense for your character.

Ch 5:
"This time it was a hard serpent in her chest wanting to strike out and kill. Hard enough to steady the tremble that Teresa could feel ready to course through her frame, and cold enough drown out the thundering of blood in her ears. She let that cold anger drive her as she reached for a third arrow."
Here, you push Teresa's character along skillfully during a combat sequence. By the way, your combat pacing and descriptions are superb.

Ch 6:
"Suddenly she stopped and realized what she was doing. She was assessing weapons and tactics, as if she did this sort of thing for a living. As if she was going to continue doing so. She sounded {Is there a word missing here?} the legionaries did when they talked about fighting. She sounded like a warrior..."
Again, wonderful character development. Powerful, yet perfectly woven into the story. Consider the { bracket } comment to see if there may be an intended word missing.

Night vision goggles. You have introduced this mod very nicely into your story. Wonderful screenshot.
Overall: You really found your style and strengths in Ch 3. I am delighted to see that all three of these chapters continue to reflect the skill I believed you would bring to our forum. Teresa is a wonderful character. She is fortunate to be in the hands of such an effective author.

Finally, I really like the brisk, brief chapter lengths you seem to be using - perfect!
:foodndrink:

DiGNiiTy: Thank you DiG. I hope you story comes out well. Apparently the secret is red hair, so I recommend buying some henna and getting right on coppering your top...


Acadian: Hey you old warhorse, good to see you back from your pilgrimage. You were right indeed about missing a word there. It was supposed to read: "She sounded like the legionaries". Thank you for the catch.

You really like my descriptions of magic use? I guess being a Witch has some unexpected benefits... I always thought the magic descriptions were rather sparse. But the rest of my writing is very lean too, so I never tried to flesh the magic out any further, as I am afraid it would then seem uneven compared to everything else.

Not A Hero - 7 - Mud Crabs and Amulets

Still dripping with water from her bath, Teresa dressed and took in her surroundings. Across the lake from her she could see a crumbling ruin of white stone blocks. Its elegant, curved spires were broken and its walls shattered. For some reason it made her think of the White Gold Tower in the center of the Imperial City. She had heard that had been built by the Ayleids long before the Empire had ever existed. So she imagined that the ruins might have been built by them as well. She saw the distant glow of a campfire somewhere in the fallen stones, and wondered who might be there. Probably no one she wanted to meet. Teresa reasoned.

Looking behind her she could see the massive, dark stone blocks of the Imperial Prison looming high up on the hill that crowned the City Isle, and beyond that the even greater mass of the city itself in the distance. She certainly did not want to go back that way either, she thought. One experience in the Imperial Prison had been enough for a lifetime!

Teresa knew the prison was at the east side of the City Isle, and Baurus had said that Weynon was west of the city, across the lake. So she reasoned that if she kept the city to her left and followed the shore that should take her in the right direction. She would just have to hope she found a place to cross somewhere as she travelled.

So bow in hand she began to walk along the shore. Here and there she stopped when she noticed plants that she knew had alchemical properties. She could sell those to Claudette at the Gilded Carafe back in the Imperial City, Teresa thought. She might even use them herself once she got back to the shack where she had her mortar and pestle hidden.

She had learned a long time ago to grind up simple poisons to sell to the thieves and ruffians on the waterfront. They were always looking for an edge; to silence someone who might cry out, or to make them blend into their surroundings, or quite simply to poison someone. Most did not want to spend the time to learn to make potions themselves, Teresa thought. She, on the other hand, had the time. It was not like she was going out robbing people or drinking herself silly in the taverns after all.

What would people think of her back in the city when they heard this story? Teresa wondered. Then again, maybe it would be better if she never mentioned it to anyone. No sense admitting escaping from prison after all, she thought. The less anyone knew about that, the better.

A familiar clicking sound broke her from her reverie. It was a mud crab, she knew. She had run across many of them at the Waterfront. Nasty little creatures, she thought as she looked around for it. Then she spotted it coming out of the water behind her, its beady eyes staring directly at her and pincers reaching out.

Teresa stepped back to give herself plenty of room. Then readying her Flare spell, she gestured at the creature and let loose a bolt of fire into its shell. It jumped and began to furiously click its pincers at her. Teresa fired another bolt and it fell into a smoldering heap on the shore.

The smell of the roasted crab meat brought a growl from her stomach. How long had it really been since she had last eaten? Teresa wondered. Too long, her stomach replied with another growl. She descended on the crab with gusto, cracking open its still-hot shell with her hands and digging out the meat with her fingers. She had always like crab, she thought. It was usually the only fresh thing she was ever able to eat, and easy enough to find along the shores.

Eating her fill, Teresa continued on her journey west along the shore. She came across another sewer exit after a few miles. Once in that place was enough for a lifetime too, she thought, and steered well clear of it.

By now the sky was lightening to the east, and Teresa began to find it difficult to keep her eyes open. Casting about for a place to sleep, she found a large clump of bushes not too far inland and hid herself within. She did not want the assassins finding her, nor the Imperial Legion for that matter, she thought. No sooner had she lain down she found herself falling into a sleep clouded by dreams of the Emperor's face, assassins, and goblins.

Teresa did not wake until the sun was lowering on the western horizon. While there was still some daylight remaining Teresa drew forth the Amulet of Kings from her pocket, and for the first time since the Emperor had given it to her she examined it closely.

The central red stone was huge, easily the size of her palm, and cut into a diamond shape. She had originally thought it was a ruby because of its red color. However, now that she took the time to really study it she saw that it seemed to pulse with an inner red glow. As she watched its surface, she could swear she saw tiny shifts and eddies of color, as if some energy were swirling beneath the crystalline surface of the gem. Clearly, it was no ordinary jewel, she thought.

The gold band wrapped around the main stone, and was also diamond shaped. Eight smaller gemstones were laid into the band equally along its length. Sapphires, emeralds, pearls, and a few she was not sure about. The entire thing was held by a great gold chain. It was remarkably light for its size, and Teresa could swear that it felt warm in her hands.

Out of curiosity, she lifted the chain around her head and dropped it onto her shoulders. Yet somehow it slipped from her fingers. She tried again, with the same result. Then she undid the clasp on the chain, and this time looped it around her neck and then tried to snap it shut once more. Again, she found the amulet falling loose from her grasp.

So it was true, Teresa thought. Only someone with the blood of the kings could wear the amulet. She was starting to see why it was so important. It would prove who the rightful Emperor was and who was not.

Thank you for another chapter!

Nice delicate touch with character development. We learn quite a bit about Teresa and not only where she may be headed, but more importantly, why.

Your editing, it seems, has adjusted to the quirks of posting on the forum - Very smooth quality control now. No more reusing the same or similar words in close proximity. No little nits.

Just a solid story that makes for a great read and leaves a thirst for more.



Oh, Yes indeed! Freshly roast crab beats sewar rat anytime!

Just want to let you know I'm still here and more and more enchanted by your story.

Bobg's word describes it well, enchanting!

A single character description...for a whole post, with most of the action taking place in the character's head.

AND it STILL rivets our interest.

I wonder how many posters know just how hard it is, to do that???

HOOOray to sUbRoSa!!!!

*dont worry about any hidden meanings in the capitilization...I'm just feeling frisky...*

Again your post was of the highest quality. Carrying with it a increasing entertainment value, and keep your readers craving more. Thank you for your dedication and hard work. It is surely paying off.

Sublime character development. :thumbsup:

Thank you all. There is lots more chick stuff like this on the way. Almost all of the rest of the piece really.

Not A Hero - 8 - Goblins and Legionaries


* * *

Setting aside the amulet, Teresa took the time for a quick bath in the lake and set off westward again, looking for another crab for dinner. It did not take very long for one to turn up and fill her stomach with its succulent meat. She came across some berries soon after and gathered them up for later, along with a clump of asparagus.

Teresa marveled at the beauty of the wilderness as she made her way along the shore. She had never imagined it would be like this. She had always thought the world outside the city was a dark and terrifying place. But instead it was quiet and almost peaceful if you did not count the mud crabs. The air was clean in her lungs, and everything was so wide open around her. It was a world with no limits, filled with color and life.

It was long after dark when she saw the light of a torch deeper inland. Pulling her goggles down over her eyes, she looked closer. The light of the brand hurt her eyes, but she could at least see everything its flame did not illuminate. There was a large clump of towering rocks, she saw, and what appeared to be a rough wooden door leading into them. To either side of the door was hung a long string of skulls, and in front of it was the torchbearer himself, a goblin holding an axe with his free hand.

So much for peaceful, Teresa thought, and instantly dropped into a crouch. Then she realized that she was far outside of the illumination of the goblin's torch and stood back up. Looking to either side, there was no sign of any other goblins. It was just him and her.

She drew an arrow from the bag fastened to her right hip and set it on the nock. Raising the bow, she pulled it to half-tension and sighted in on the goblin. He was a long way off, so she raised her bow to compensate. It would be a difficult shot, but she knew she could make it

But should she make it? Teresa found herself wondering. She knew the goblin would kill her without hesitation, so she felt no sympathy for it. But there were probably others of its kind in the cave. Sooner or later another goblin would come out to find him dead, she knew. Then they might go looking to see who did it, and having a tribe of goblins hunting her would not be good.

She lowered her bow and put the arrow back in its bag. This was your lucky day goblin, she thought. Giving the cave a wide berth, Teresa continued to make her way west along the island. She also realized something. Just because she could kill, it did not mean she should. That was a very sobering thought, especially when she wondered how many others might look at her in the future and have to make the same decision.

In time she came to the edge of a wooden bridge that extended north across the lake. Once again she saw the light of a torch ahead of her, this time on the span itself. Only now it was moving, crossing from the opposite shore to her side of the lake. The sound of hooves clomping on wood came to her ears, and as the torch came nearer she could see it was a single legionary riding a horse.

The law, Teresa thought, just what she needed. She was not sure what was worse, them or the goblins. She wondered if they were looking for her? Or had her escape gone unnoticed in the chaos that must have followed the death of the Emperor?

She briefly thought Baurus might have told them not to try to recapture her. But then she realized that might tip off the assassins and make them start looking for her. So he had probably done nothing, Teresa reasoned. That meant she was on her own, as she had been ever since she stepped foot in the secret passage under the prison, as she had all her life.

Teresa sat as still a she could in the bushes and hoped the legionary would not notice her. Her heart beat loudly in her chest as he came near. It seemed so deafening to her that he must surely hear it. Her hands were damp with sweat, and she found that her lips had gone dry. The last thing she wanted was to have to tangle with a legionary. They were metal-clad monsters who lived to fight, she thought. Worse, if you killed one of them the rest would never stop looking for you, never stop hunting you. They would track you down and kill you no matter what it took.

She could smell the horse as the soldier came alongside her. The crackling of his torch was loud in her ears, loud enough to drown out the roaring of her heart, and she held herself absolutely still. Shadow hide me, she prayed.

Then he was past her and riding down the road deeper inland. Teresa let out a long sigh of relief, only then realizing that she had been holding her breath. She waited in the brush until he was long out of sight, and only then rose and quickly scuttled across the bridge.

Reaching the other side without incident, she continued her way west down a wooden dock that hugged the shore. She found several crates and barrels on it, but all were empty except for huge spools of rope, which she imagined must be to tie boats up to the pier.

Dawn was nearing, and Teresa felt exhaustion settling into her once again. Finding another hiding spot, she laid down for another day's sleep. She always had preferred sleeping in the daylight, she mused as she drifted off. The night was so much more comforting to be out and about in.

Once more she awoke in late afternoon. She could not believe how late she was sleeping. But then again, she had never been through anything like this before. Being poor she had always walked everywhere she needed to go in the city, rather than riding a horse or carriage as the rich people did. But she had never made a trek like this before either. Let alone ever killed people...

She risked another quick dip in the lake to wash off the dirt and dust of traveling then resumed her march west along the lake shore. She found a fisherman's shack not too far from the dock, and stopped to buy bread and fruit from the owner, using some of the money she had found on the dead thief in the sewer.

Soon the lake curved away to her left, and far down its coast she could make out a gigantic bridge. Not a simple wooden affair such as the one she had crossed, but rather a massive stone edifice. She knew that was the west bridge, outside of the Talos Plaza district. She had seen it often enough from the Waterfront.

So Weynon must be somewhere directly ahead of her, she reasoned. With that in mind she left the lake behind and continued west, plunging headlong into the great forest. It was long after dark when she passed what she imagined must be the Red Ring Road that she had heard surrounded the city on the outer shore of the lake.

After that the only signs of habitation she came across were broken forts and more of the Ayleid ruins, both of which she gave a wide berth. With the sky full of stars and the twin moons casting their light down upon the landscape she could see well enough that she did not need the goggles. Teresa liked how they illuminated everything, but she did not like how they turned the world a dull grey. She would only use those when she really had to, she thought.

Travelling through the night, Teresa marveled at the beauty of the forest around her. It felt so pristine and clean. She often found herself stopping just to touch a tree, or admire the way the moonlight filtered through its leaves. With no hustle or bustle, no footpads or watchmen, no stench of garbage, no walls looming up from every direction, it seemed like paradise to the young wood elf.

But what she loved best of all were the deer. They moved with such grace that it took her breath away, leaping over rocks and brush with an ease she never would have imagined possible given their spindly legs. Teresa knew most people would hunt them for their meat, but she did not have the heart to shoot them. They were just too beautiful, and were of no threat to her.

The wolves were another story however. Her first encounter was with a single wolf, which gave Teresa the opportunity to use her innate Bosmer ability to command animals. It was something she had only used before on rats in the Waterfront shantytown she called home. She was not even sure if would work on an animal as large as a wolf when she saw it, and was greatly relieved when it wagged its tail at her and licked her cheeks after she cast it. Much better than having her face bitten off, she thought.

That was the only lone wolf she saw though. After that they all came in packs, which made her ability to command a single animal a moot point. Most of them appeared to want as little do with her as she did with them. However, when one pack became too curious for comfort Teresa was able to shoo them away a Flare spell in front of their noses. All animals were afraid of fire after all, she thought. Or at least that was what Teresa had been told.

She continued traveling that way for several days, moving by night and sleeping in the day. She was not exactly sure where she was going, but she was not worried. Something inside of her had faith that she would reach her destination. It was a strange feeling, believing in herself, but one that Teresa was slowly becoming accustomed to.

Do you know that I am now reading your story for tips as to how I can improve my writing? Yes, you are that good. Again and again you bring out 'touches' that are minor works of genius. The decision not to shoot the goblin. The fear at the Legionary's approach - so unexpected and yet, so logical! The description of the countryside, and the animals...


...Let me salute a master of the craft, a mistress of my literary hunger. Already I thirst for more!

SubRosa, take a look at this and see if it is what you want? Is there perhaps an 'a' missing before the word 'rough'?


How wonderfully thought-provoking, given the nature of the game. I am pleased to see you are listening to what Teresa tells you.



What a beautiful picture you paint here!
:whisper: Envy. Yes. That's it. I want to be able to write like this.



A very powerful sentence. A lot contained here. Very fitting to end this wonderful story.

:read: Thank you once again SubRosa. What a pleasure this was to read!

Very little to add to what others have already said. Like Teresa, my characters could never bring themselves to attack the deer. They are one of the most engaging visual parts of the game world. The pleasure here (besides the whole installment) is the skillful way you show Teresa coming to realize what her Bosmer heritage means. And even as she discovers the freedom outside the walls, she also accepts the responsibility of being only one of the myriad creatures in that world. Just wonderful.

This is my absolute favorite chapter so far! I was holding my breath with Teresa when the legionnaire went by - Awesome writing SubRosa!

You do great work, and I really enjoy the opportunity to read your work. Keep it coming and I will keep returning.

SubRosa, I have singled out these two quotes because they are so exceptional. You are character building in the most lovely way.
It is stuff like this that makes the story come alive. :woot:
Well done.

What Winter Wolf said. :goodjob:

D.Foxy: Awwww shucks....

I am just doing what comes natural is all. It goes back to what I said about strictly adhering to characters acting on their motivations and personalities, rather than what the author wants. Teresa is very clearly developed in my head, so her actions flow very naturally. While sometimes they may seem inconsistent, they still have that same logic to their inconsistency that real people show, because real people are inconsistent too. Hmm, how many time can I say inconsistent in a sentence?


Acadian: Ahhh once again my editor catches the word that slipped through my net. Yes indeed, there was supposed to be an 'a' in there.

The description of the forest was easy. I only had to write down what I feel every time I am in the woods. Every writer puts a little of themselves into their work, this is one of the clearest examples of my doing it. Likewise with the line about Teresa believing in herself.


treydog: Thank you. I never really thought about Teresa's love of the wilderness as being a wood elf kind of thing, but I suppose there is no reason why that would not contribute to it on reflection. I was thinking more in terms of her simply being an inner city kid exposed to a world so diametrically opposite to the one that they have been trapped in all their life. Many inner city people are very freaked out by the woods, because of how dark it gets at night, the strange sounds, the feeling of being completely alone, etc... But for some these things have the completely opposite effect, especially when they feel stifled and out of place in the city.

This is also an area where my own experiences show through in my writing. While I am not an inner city person, I work in the technology industry, so I spend my days in windowless rooms surrounded by roaring machines. I never see the sun, never breathe fresh air, never hear silence, and most of all never see anything growing or alive anywhere. So even though I do love computers, for me being in the woods is an affirmation of being alive and my connection to other living things.


mALX1: Thank you. That is one of those scenes that I worry about, but I felt was necessary in order to highlight Teresa's very deeply ingrained feelings toward the Legion. Those feelings will be very important not only in the future of this story, but especially in those I am staring to work on.


DiGNiiTy: Thank you muchly. I am glad the quiet scenes like this are as engaging as the action-packed ones.


Winter Wolf: Thank you. As I said to Foxy, it all comes from being having the character clearly in my head and staying true to that.


bobg: Thank you again. Ditto what I said to Winter Wolf.

Not A Hero - 9 - Journeys and Transformations

* * *

The ground had been gradually sloping upward ever since she left the lake behind. But after many days she found herself climbing a steep slope, pausing occasionally to gather up the lavender, viper's bugloss, and St. John's wort she found there. The sky had gone dark and the stars were coming out when she finally reached the crest of the hill. Atop it she was greeted by the sight of high stone walls in front of her and stretching off out of sight to either side.

She saw torches on the battlements, and lights emanating from windows in towers regularly spaced along the wall. Here and there she saw soldiers marching back and forth behind the paraqets. Continuing ahead, she soon came upon a path that ringed the walls. Following it, she found herself at a huge gate in the wall, with a large stable and horse paddock nearby.

She froze when she saw the two guards standing at the gate. They stared back at her, and she willed herself to begin walking again. As she drew near she found that unlike the members of the Legion and Imperial City Watch, these men wore coats of mail covered with only a few pieces of plate at the shoulders. A quilted vest was draqed over their mail and split at the waist, hanging as far down as their knees. A white tree was emblazoned in the center of those vests, as well as on the round shields they held in their left hands. At their hips they wore the same steel longswords she was used to seeing the Imperial Legion carry however.

"Good evening citizen," one of the guardsmen said as she approached. "Welcome to Chorrol."

Teresa stopped and resisted the urge to look to see if he had been talking to someone else. No guardsman had ever spoken to her in that tone before. It was... friendly. The way watchmen treated regular people. Teresa found herself at a loss for words.

"It looks like you have been traveling for some time Miss," the other guard offered up, filling the awkward silence that was developing.

"Umm, yes," Teresa forced herself to speak. "A long time. I was looking for Weynon Priory."

"Not going to become a monk I hope!" the first guard said with a grin, then stopped himself abruptly. "Not that there is anything wrong with monks of course, praise Talos. Just a bit dull is all."

Teresa suddenly realized he was looking at her, and not in the way a watchman ever had before. No, this was the way a man looked at a woman he desired, Teresa knew. She had seen that look often enough when men looked at Methredhel and her roommate Adanrel. Teresa was not sure what she should do. It was not like many men - and never watchmen - had ever found her attractive!

"No, I, um..." Teresa began, scrambling for something to say. This was not turning out in any way that she imagined an encounter with soldiers would be.

"I am looking for my brother," she finally said. "He is one of the monks there. I came out from the Imperial City to surprise him with a visit. Only I have never been here before..."

"I didn't think there were any Bosmer monks at Weynon?" the second guard said quizzically.

"Oh, he's my step-brother," Teresa replied quickly. "He's an Imperial like you men are. But we are so close I forget. It is been so long since I have seen him... I cannot wait."

"Well, Weynon is back down that road there," the first guard said, pointing down another road that lay beyond the stable. "If you follow that it will take you past some farms and right to the priory. But I would not try going there now. You better get a room here in the city for the night and go in the morning."

"That is ok, I like walking at night," Teresa said, turning to leave.

"Wait," the first guard said, reaching out to take her arm in a gentle grip. "Please. You look like you know your way around the woods, but that's not a good idea, not these days."

"Ever since the Emperor died, we have had reports you see..." the second guard said in a hushed whisper. "Of people disappearing, and Legionaries turning up dead on the road, torn to pieces. It's the Daedra they say!"

Teresa's heart skipped a beat, not just from the watchman's grip, but also from the news. They both seemed serious, and genuinely concerned for her safety. She was not sure how to feel about that. She was not sure how to feel about so many things these days.

"Oh," she said, thinking about her long journey through the wilderness. It had been very quiet and relatively peaceful, certainly more than the Waterfront ever had been. Yet if there really were Daedra roaming the land, what would she have done if one found her? "I had no idea. I had better stay here then."

The first guard recommended she stay at an inn called the Oak and Crosier that was just inside the gate. She took his advice and was glad for it. The common room was clean, bright, and filled with people eating and drinking. It seemed very friendly and comfortable-looking. Talking to the owner, a female Khajiit named Talasma, Teresa found that the rooms were not nearly as expensive as she imagined for place so large and well apportioned. After exchanging more of her sewer-found gold she acquired a room, a bath, and her first real meal since escaping the prison.

The next morning she went shopping. Her first stop was the Mages Guild, which she had heard of from some of the people talking in the inn's common room. Their Altmer alchemist looked at her like she was more of a specimen than a person. That did not bother Teresa, much. It was how she expected people to treat her after all.

The Altmer did give her a nice sum of coins for the plants she had gathered on her journey. Enough that Teresa began to think that roaming the countryside for ingredients might turn out to be well worth the effort. Not enough to get rich for certain, but enough to keep her in a real bed whenever she did return to a city to sell them.

After that a smithy known as Fire and Steel caught her eye. There Teresa found herself parting with her cracked and brittle leathers and her sword. But in return she found herself the owner of a brand new set of leather armor - cuirass, gauntlets, greaves, and boots - covering her from head to toe with the thick, yet supple material. Where the old cuirass from the sewer had felt bulky and stiff, this seemed to move with her willowy frame rather than against it. The owner said it was made for female wood elves like herself, so she was not too surprised.

From there Teresa stopped at the Northern Goods Trade Store, which she found was run by a friendly Argonian named Seed Neeus. From her Teresa purchased a bedroll and some other traveling equipment. She was pleasantly surprised when she saw that the Argonian merchant had a supply of ground henna leaves, and bought them too.

Then she was back to the inn where she went back up to her room and set to the task of mixing the henna with water and applying the paste to her hair. She had never dyed her hair before, but knew enough other girls who did, so it was not too difficult, just a bit messy and time-consuming.

When she was finished she stepped back to get a good look at herself in the mirror and nearly gasped. Not only was her formerly mousy brown hair now a brilliant crimson mane, but the rest of her had changed as well. The street urchin she had known all of her life was gone. Instead a lithe forester clad in leather stood in her place. She stood tall and straight, with eyes that showed a quiet confidence behind them. The very picture of a wood elf from all the stories she had heard growing up, except for her ghostly pale skin of course.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v90/subrosa_florens/oblivion/Oblivion056.jpg

"It is our choices in life that define us", she heard the voice of the Emperor in her mind, as clearly as if her were standing next to her. "Some people choose poorly. Some choose to be something better."

The thought of the Emperor made her eyes moisten and a lump form in her throat. Yet she willed herself not to cry. She owed him better than that, Teresa thought. Swallowing down the knot in her throat, she looked at herself in the mirror and wondered what the old man would think if he could see her now. She had the feeling that he would be pleased.

The thought brought a faint smile to her lips. Teresa found that she liked the new person she was becoming.

Really touching at the end, and I love the screenshot!

:read: SubRosa, this is wonderful. More that wonderful in fact. If I tried to quote some of the more impressive passages, my comments would be as long as your story.

Oh, and we both will be relieved that I could find no nits to pick at.

I love the way you took the time to describe the walled city as she approached. Seen through the eyes of a wide eyed waterfront girl, it allows all of us to see it as we may have when the game was brand new to us.

You continue a delicate but steady touch in developing Teresa's character. Revealing just the right stuff at the right time.

Masterful, my friend!

I so look forward to more. :nod:

I will manfully (dogfully?) restrain myself to just isolating 2 quotes:

"She was not sure how to feel about so many things these days. "

There is such a world of emotion and meaning in that short sentence. I could write a book- but you already have....

"The street urchin she had known all of her life was gone. Instead a lithe forester clad in leather stood in her place. She stood tall and straight, with eyes that showed a quiet confidence behind them. The very picture of a wood elf from all the stories she had heard growing up, except for her ghostly pale skin of course."

Again, such spare, graceful prose, laden with meaning and significance.

This, my friends, is what it means to craft a character-driven story. For anyone who complains, "But there's no action," I respond- "Oh, yes there is. The action is internal." And that is so much harder to write than fifty or a hundred duels and narrow escapes. Teresa is no toy soldier, but a very specific and special individual, wonderfully realized by her creator. Magnificent.